si dawson

experiments in self-improvement

Month: June, 2008

Food is not Love – but Love is food

Going on a 30 something day juice feast totally kicked my ass.

I admit it. I was miserable pretty much the entire time.

Worse though was afterwards. I decided to finish by going from juice onto a 4 day water fast (which was easier, oddly). That was ok. However, once the transition back to normal food was done (the usual 6+ day gradual dietary speedup), things have gone completely bonkers.

I’ve eaten more junk than I have in years. Today alone I had four meals, and another meal’s worth of snacking. I’ve eaten until my stomach hurts, and then kept eating (and been doing this for days). To give this a little perspective, I normally eat only one or two small meals a day. I have a fast metabolism, but don’t need much food to keep me going.

And this whole time, I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on. I’ve thrown all my usual healing tools (EFT, reiki, releasing, etc) at it, to no avail.

The fasting was tough, true. Having my partner out of town on business for the last two months hasn’t been easy either (particularly since the previous two years we spent pretty much 24/7 together). But still, this was insane!

What the hell has been happening?

Well, I think I just found out. The inimitable Dhrumil pointed me to a quote from Mama S, of Give It To Me Raw:

Food is not Love

You know what? I read that and immediately burst out crying. I didn’t stop for five minutes. In fact, I think I cried more & deeper than the whole time I was fasting – and considering what a wreck I was most of the time, that’s saying something. I released/healed a ton of stuff while I was crying, and now? Well, it’s odd, but the urge to eat seems to have disappeared.

A lot more things make sense too.

I grew up in a large, not particularly well off family. Mum didn’t necessarily have as much time to spend with each of us as if we’d had a smaller family, & we may not have been able to keep up with the Jones (literally, they had a really nice car & a great computer), but we always ate well. It was one key way that Mum expressed her love for us, through food.

I think, at some level, I picked up on that, and solidified it as a core internal belief. A connection.

It maybe also explains why the juicing was so hard for me – if I was denying myself solid food – but interpreting that as denying myself love? Yowser!

and yet, oddly, the reverse IS true:

Love is Food

Love is the deepest nourishment of all. All beings instinctively crave it, from the second they’re born. And what is love anyway, but energy? So why the appeal of raw food? It has more energy, more love. At some level, whether we’re aware of it or not, our bodies know this, we feel it. The closer the food is to living, the closer it is to loving. It really is that simple.

Or at least, having cried my lungs out half the evening, that’s how I feel about it right now.. And that sure beats eating myself into pain.

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    Cleaning House – Removing obvious food toxins

    I’ve just come off a thirty something day juice feast, followed by a four day water fast (more on that lot later), and after all that cleansing, I started thinking about what I was now going to be putting into my body again.

    Why waste all that time by just putting more toxins in?

    So I started looking at the first non-obvious thing I picked up – a can of coconut cream that I used to simply adore putting in my morning smoothies. What I found was these:

    What the hell are they? No idea! So tracked them down to these:

    To use the most egregious example for greater effect:

    Polysorbates are oily liquids derived from polyethylene glycol-ylated sorbitan (a derivative of sorbitol) esterified with fatty acids

    uhh. wtf?

    Now, ok, to be fair, I’m sure that I’ve been eating this stuff my entire life with no obvious ill effect. However, that doesn’t mean I should or have to continue doing so.

    I should state – my overall intention is to have a happy & joyous relationship to food. I’m not going to sweat the tiny details if I’m out eating at a restaurant with friends, for example. However, if I habitually buy & eat something that’s bad for me, for no reason other than habit, why not improve it? It’s as much effort to make that small change as to continue.

    So, here’s what I did.

    I went through the entire house, and threw out everything that had:

    • refined sugar
    • processed starches
    • preservatives
    • additives
    • dairy
    • meat
    • caffeine

    Namely, all this:

    Which given the tiny kitchen in my apartment here was quite a large percentage of available cupboard space!

    After all, if I’m not planning on eating it, why keep it around?

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    • Cleaning House – Removing obvious food toxins
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