I realised something yesterday.
I'm not allowed to be happy.
Now, since I'm the one creating my life, what this actually translates to is I'm not allowing myself to be happy.
What the… ? How did that happen?!?
A lot of it is upbringing — we're taught things, for better or worse. Don't do this, make sure you do that…
Some things we may rebel against (sex, drinking,..) and with that rebellion comes a certain illicit enjoyment.
Others we may not, and so crossing those lines brings guilt, regret, anguish.
On top of that, I know I've set up conditions for myself. I can't be happy if… (I'm too lazy, too poor, single…)
Well! It's hardly surprising I wasn't happy. If I'm waiting for my life to be perfect — and, while we're on the subject, what IS perfection anyway? Meeting some entirely arbitrary list of criteria? Most of which I was barely conscious I was even creating? Well, that's not going to happen in a hurry, now is it?
So, first order of the day:
Find these conditions and dump them!
pic by LightSpectral
Ok, so how to do that? Try finding a quiet spot, and letting your mind automatically fill the end of these sentences. Just start saying them with the expectation that something will fall out, and see what comes up. You may be very surprised (I know I was)!
I can't be happy because…
I can't be happy until..
I'm not allowed to be happy because..
It's only right I should suffer because..
I should be unhappy because..
I'm sad because..
I won't be happy unless..
You get the idea. Whatever comes up — clear it out — in whatever way works for you. Personally, I use releasing (sedona method), eft, and a bunch of other energy techniques.. but that's just what I've found works best for me. You find what works for you — realising you have these ingrained belief systems is the first, but hardest step.
And you know? It's a strange thing, but even in the last day or so I'd say I feel 40–50% lighter. Clearer. Calmer, and yes, much, much happier.
The important thing to realise is this: We are ultimately responsible for our own happiness. Not anyone else. Not our partners, our bosses, our family. You may have no control whatsoever over your immediate surroundings, but you are the only person who has the say in how you react to what happens around you. You decide how much you're going to let things affect you or not.
The great news is, even if your life seems utterly miserable, you can change yourself, and thus your happiness.. and I guarantee you, as your attitude changes, all those little things around you that have been bothering you for so long will almost magically change as well.
