How Do You Suck?

I was talking with a good friend last night, and she mentioned that I was a great programmer. I found that a little surprising, as despite the unlikeliness of a lot of what I achieve, I don't generally think of myself in this way.

ponder.jpg
pic by striatic

I've thought a lot more deeply about this since, and I've realised a few things — that apply to any area of skill.

People who are not-so-good in any area tend to look down the tree at those below them on the skill ladder — "Look! I'm better than all those people!"

People who are good in any area tend to look up the tree "See how much more I have to learn!"

This is also part of a natural continuum (great word!) of learning:

  1. unconscious incompetence (you don't realise you suck)
  2. conscious incompetence (you realise you suck)
  3. unconscious competence (you don't realise you don't suck as much as you thought you did)
  4. conscious competence (you know you don't suck — and why!)

For example, in Aikido I'm somewhere between step 2 & 3. I'm aware of how much I suck (the more deeply you learn, the more you can see that needs improvement) — but I don't realise that I don't suck in general (and am always a little surprised when someone points this out). This isn't a negative self view, as much as a genuine desire to improve & a focus on this, rather than comparison with others.

Interestingly, I can very concretely remember a time when I genuinely believed I was awesome at Aikido. How wrong I was (in hindsight)!! *laugh*

The real trap, of course, is being aware of the dangers & massive difference between stage 1 & 3. Unwarranted ego-centricism is, after all, known as hubris, & we all know how dangerous the ego is, right kids?

August 31, 2008 | Posted in geek, life |
  • James

    I like the ladder analogy. If you *really* want to be good, you're looking always looking up!

    I would have put conscious competence before unconscious competence. Conscious competence you suck less if you try hard and think about it. Unconscious competence you suck less because you don't have to try hard and think about it.

    I also heard "your expectations always exceed your ability", I suppose if you don't want to get any better, it's time to stop training.

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    hey thanks!

    I think what adds to the confusion is the many meanings of the words conscious/unconscious. I've used them purely in terms of awareness. First you're not aware that you don't actually suck as much as you used to (stepping up from conscious incompetence). Then finally you're aware that you don't suck.

    Above you've used "paying attention/working" in terms of being conscious, & "embedded knowledge" in terms of being unconscious.

    [Yes, it took 10 minutes of thinking to get this all clear in my head *grin*]

    That said — you do make a very good point — that you're never going to rise above incompetence without a lot of work, paying attention, thinking & trying hard.

    I would argue that even at the peak performance levels, you still need to be working hard — more specifically, practicing hard. There are many examples from sports that support this. Michael Jordan was famed for always training longer & harder than anyone else — even at the top of his game. Tiger Woods still hits hundreds of practice balls a day.. and so on. A lot of the fundamentals are definitely embedded very deeply — & they do become unconscious behaviours (as you point out) — but there is still definitely that need for conscious attention.

    "Expectations always exceed your ability" I've also heard as "Your reach always exceeds your grasp" — but I like your way better. Makes more sense to me :)

  • http://www.xanga.com/eternalvoyageur eternalvoyageur

    Ah, my Virgo heart likes the way you have classified it ! I used to think about the relation of being good at something and thinking/knowing that you are good at it. I´m quite self-critical, so most of the time I feel I suck, but I have yet to distinguish whether I´m in szep 2 or 3 in each thing…

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    I suspect in general you'll (we'll) always be somewhere between steps 2 & 3.

    And being overly self-critical does seem to be something of a human condition. I know I suffer from it.

    I prefer aiming for, in terms of learning, the analogy of teaching a child to ride a bike — rather than criticism, to provide oneself patience, gentle correction, endless support.

  • lynnivere

    And, of course, I believe that there is one single natural consequence to comparison.. Misery.

    Thinkin' you suck may be likened to thinkin' you're greater than the kittens mittens. Deflating self deprication is just as harmful as self destructive narcissism. That's because anytime you use the word "suck" about yourself.. your psyche believes you.

    Oh Si, how all the trees belong & even that weeds in the garden have a place. =)

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    ha ha ha. As usual, you're so right :)