si dawson

experiments in self-improvement

Month: September, 2009

Confession

Nobody has their shit together, or has all the answers. No matter how much they pretend otherwise.

This, of course, includes me.

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    Turn Every Down Into An Up

    I had a realisation recently.

    Fundamentally, the only person that has any control over how I feel is me.

    I choose how I feel.

    So, any time I feel bad due to someone else’s actions, I know that’s just a pain body reacting. That’s just my ego, getting in the way, hurting me, wanting me to feel pain.

    Therefore, by releasing that pain when it comes up. Feeling the feeling & letting it go, I’m healing everything I experience, right there & then.

    For more disturbing, larger or messier things, giving it a good old bash with EFT has also helped kick this stuff out.

    Every time that I’ve felt less-than-blissful, it’s been an opportunity for me to heal – to heal whatever it is inside me that is reacting to external stimulus, & leaving me feeling bad.

    Ha! And life being what it is, there’s been a lot of chances for that.

    As a result? I know I’m in a much, much better place than I have been, simply as a result of doing this.

    Now, this journey hasn’t always been pleasant at all. I wouldn’t wish some aspects of it in anyone. However, I have observed that things that have recurred have bothered me less & less till they haven’t bothered me at all.

    Know what happens then? They seem to stop happening at all.

    trampoline.jpg
    pic by ceeceedotca

    Why is that?

    Well, some people would say that we draw things into our existence because we are a vibrational match for them. Like attracts like, you know, the law of attraction stuff.

    Which means is (as unpleasant as it is to hear this) that every miserable thing I experience is there because some part of me wants it there.

    Ok, now before we go getting all suicidal here (because that train of thought can get a bit damn depressing if you follow it too long through every bad thing that’s ever happened to you), realise this: These things appear so you can learn.

    That’s why, when you learn the lesson (or heal), they simply stop happening to you.

    In my case, I’ve had several occasions where I healed enough of that pain & the people responsible quite literally disappeared from my life. Moved away. Overnight.

    So that’s the good news.

    The point here is this: Every bad thing that occurs to you is an opportunity to instantly, easily & significantly improve your life.

    Every upset is a chance for growth.

    By immediately letting go of the negative emotion you’re feeling, as you’re feeling it, minute by minute your life is getting – even right through the middle of horrific pain & unpleasantness.

    For a start, you’ll stop feeling bad even while things that used to upset you are still happening.

    More interestingly, those (previously) negative external situations will, as if by magic, stop occurring.

    Now, don’t take my word for it, check it out yourself, by all means.

    However, let’s say I’m wrong – what does it matter? If you’ve let go, completely, of your internal reactions to these painful events, then you won’t care anyway. You’ll just sit there like a Hindu cow, cool as a cucumber while things spiral around you.

    I know because this is exactly how I became. Their pain & suffering would be swirling around in a way that I know would previously have upset me enormously, & it didn’t bother me in the slightest. The pain body inside me that had been reacting to that particular stimulus had been completely neutralised.

    Also, this comes back to our pain bodies discussion. If there’s no internal reaction at all from you, then there’s nothing for the other person’s pain body to push against – so it naturally dissipates – in the quickest, healthiest way possible.

    The key things to remember are:

    The sooner after the upset you can heal, the better. The fresher the emotion is inside you, the easier it is to get to & remove completely. Ideally, heal it immediately. This is where releasing is so helpful, coz you can do it while the person is still abusing/shouting at/crying on you. With EFT, you have to imagine tapping the points (or discreetly finger tap) – which works but is harder to do if you’re largely concentrating on someone else. Not impossible, but harder than just releasing anything you’re feeling inside yourself.

    Be persistent. Don’t get discouraged if it seems like the same pain keeps coming up. Humans are very layered, & some times it takes a while to really get to the bottom of something. There may be many emotional reactions to a situation, or many subtle variations on a theme (eg, someone can insult, demean, disrespect, dismiss. ignore, put down, or disregard you – all basically the same, all subtly different). Just keep lettinig it all go, it all helps.

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      The Pain Bodies Inside Us

      Ever catch yourself doing something really stupid? You watch it happening in slow motion, yet can’t seem to stop yourself going right ahead and doing it?

      Now, there’s a ton of things that fit under the heading of ‘stupid’, ahh, and by goodness, I’ve done a lot of them.

      What I’d like to talk about today is deliberately creating pain, in ourselves & in those around us. When we feel automatically compelled to do things that increase suffering in the world. Typically this is done verbally, but in more extreme cases it can escalate to physical violence.

      Eckhart Tolle has a description for this phenomenon, he calls these internal proclivities “Pain bodies.”

      It’s a useful approach. Metaphorically distancing ourselves, even slightly, can give us power over the behaviour. Seeing it as something separate from ourselves helps us gain control.

      Of course, this kind of things fits handily under the heading “Self-sabotage.” Whereas a lot of forms of self-sabotage can be happily done alone (eg, procrastination), our pain bodies generally require company.

      birds_fighting.jpg
      pic by catb

      So what to do about them? Well, Tolle’s suggestion is simply to be as present as possible, and this is pretty reasonable advice. If you’re in the moment, then these occurrences become quite jarring. The behaviour stands out so starkly You can’t help but think (whether it’s yourself or another) “Hey, where the hell did that come from?”

      To kick Tolle’s suggestion up a notch in terms of effectiveness, I’d also recommend releasing whatever feelings come up.

      Ever notice how hard it is to fight someone who’s not responding at all (except with love)? There’s a reason for that. Your pain body is trying to latch onto something, something to feed itself with.. and finding nothing. This is, of course, pure Aikido at work.

      The same thing works in reverse. When someone near you behaves in a way that is pretty obviously just spoiling for a fight, by releasing any internal reactions inside you, remaining calm, and adding nothing, the entire situation defuses in the fastest way possible.

      I’ve experimented with this extensively, & there really is nothing good or bad you can say that will calm things down quicker than releasing & saying as little as possible.

      birds_loving.jpg
      pic by ladyinpink_1

      Of course, in yourself, the same applies. I lose count of the number of times I’ve felt something ugly or nasty whelling up inside me. By releasing the thought, noticing it but not attaching it & simply letting it go, I’m weakening those pain bodies inside me. Not once have I looked back & thought “Gosh, I sure wish I’d said that nasty thing.” Nope, every single time it’s been a variant on “Oh man, that would have really hurt someone I care about.”

      The more you can release at the time, the weaker the pain body becomes.

      In yourself, it’s simply a case of letting go of the compulsion to hurt those around you. When someone near you is letting their pain body take control, there’s two things to release.

      First, your reaction to whatever they’re saying. Yes, it’s going to be hurtful, painful, ugly. That’s the nature of a pain body – to try and provoke as extreme a reaction from you as possible. Sure, that person is fully responsible for anything they say, & they shouldn’t say it. But that’s not the point. Blaming them, or having other negative feelings towards them is only going to make you feel bad, so let it go. Secondly, & once you’ve let go of any negative reactions to their behaviour, let go of any internal response you may be feeling. That’s only your pain bodies trying to get in on the fight.

      You could also use EFT or similar – if you’re able to identify a specific motivation or drive behind the pain body so you can tune into it & tap later. Starting tapping in the middle of dealing with someone angry or hurt is likely to just piss them off even further. Not recommended.

      Can you think of any people who just seem to bring out the worst in you? One minute things are fine, next there’s a flaming row & you really have no idea how it started? That’s what happens when two pain bodies get in sync and start feeding each other. If either party is able to take even the slightest amount of control, the whole thing defuses incredibly quickly.

      Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m suggesting for a second you should stay in a situation where someone is wilfully trying to harm you, whether verbally or otherwise.

      This isn’t about being a martyr, just a little better than yesterday.

      Even reducing your pain bodies by the tiniest amount results in exponentially more love in the world. Every interaction with every person for the rest of your life will be just that little bit better. Totally worth the effort.

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