Yesterday I bumped into an ex-girlfriend's mum. She's a lovely woman who I have an enormous amount of respect for. However, their family has a very traditional view of success/failure. So, in terms of what I've been through recently, a lot of stuff came up for me. By the end of our conversation, despite the fact that she's the epitome of grace, I was more or less a gibbering mess.
I've gotta say, this surprised me.
For a start, some of it was new, which doesn't often happen — particularly around subjects I've worked diligently on clearing out (eg ex-relationships).
I also had a flash of realisation. Either this ex, or the breakup with her utterly shattered my confidence.
All this came pouring out while talking to her mother. Needless to say, it was one of the more awkward conversations I've had in a while.
Now, the longer I've been doing this work, the more I've seen — simpler is better.
You can take the most complicated techniques in the world, and generally there's a kernel of truth at the heart of it which is where the magic is really happening.
Also, when you're feeling emotionally messed up, something simple is so much easier to find the motivation & clarity to do.
So what helped me the most in this situation?
Saying "Not so bad."
Every negative thought I had that came up, both while we were talking and as I thought about it afterwards, I just said "not so bad" to it, and released all energy that came up with it.
One of the key aspects of confidence is having the very simple visual attitude that we are bigger than our problems.
When our problems seem bigger than us, that's when we get overwhelmed. That's when we feel we can't cope. That's when we lose confidence in ourselves, lose belief in ourselves.
Saying "not so bad" brings problems down to size. Even better, it brings them down to well below our size.
In other words, it gives us our confidence back.
When you feel as big as the world, kicking every trivial obstacle out of the way with your giant boots (or giant toupee)? Well, that's a state of confidence.
So, I just continued through everything I could think of, bringing up the thoughts & feelings, saying "Not so bad" to it all. I let the energy go, and I felt all of the crap that had come up just fading away.
Better yet, I felt that shattered confidence rebuilding as I watched.
What also helped was simply saying "not so bad" to "having no confidence" (why make it more complicated than it needs to be, right?)
It's such a simple thing, but it helped me like crazy, so I wanted to share it with you.