The Fastest I Have Ever Been Rejected

The other night we started drinking at about 9:30pm after a very long day at work. We didn't finish until ridiculously late (well, early).

Now, get enough beers in me & I get a bit crazy. A bit "everyone deserves to feel good, so why not compliment them?" crazy.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, in a bar situation this typically goes down like a lead balloon.

Bro & I were in a bar called Strawberry Moons (best name ever) when I saw a girl with the most fantastic empire waisted dress, dancing like a wild thing. So, when I went to the bar and she was standing right there I tapped her on the shoulder to tell her how awesome she was.

This gorgeous creature turned, took one look at me & immediately turned back without saying a word — or even wasting the effort of a facial expression.

Total time? About a third of a second.

Amazing.

Now, there are several conclusions you could draw from such an interaction:

  • women get approached so often in bars that it's normal to expect ulterior motives.
  • first impressions have a huge effect
  • in a big city you get used to only being approached when someone wants something
  • I'm crap at talking to chicks in these environments

Really though, that's all brain stuff. All the rationalisation in the world isn't going to deeply change how you feel — particularly the next time a similar situation arises.

We're talking about rejection here — which comes back to wanting approval (from her), wanting control (of how she reacts), wanting safety (from emotional pain).

The only thing for it is to welcome all those feelings up and let them go.

In this case "Not so bad" definitely helped me equalise.

Also useful has been allowing myself to feel the feelings (particularly as I remember the situation), repeating "Yes", welcoming those feelings up and letting them go until I felt loving, calm and peaceful about it all.

Perhaps the best news though is this: In truth, there really wasn't much internal reaction at all.

… which means most of it has already gone.

… which means as crazy as I might be when drunk, I'm still present enough to let these non-loving feelings go as they arise.

… which is ho ho, so different from how I've been in the past.

… and really rather cool.

Drunken meditation, the next big thing?

related

25/Jun/2012 | healing
self-improvement |
  • http://twitter.com/ajiradarch ajira

    Yes. Thanks for the reminder. Yes to what is and letting go of what should or could have been. Attachment is the surefire path to suffering. And truthfully, who knows what she was thinking of feeling. Nothing to do with you, more likely than not. And good on you for taking the opportunity to find some learning in the experience. :D

  • http://sidawson.org/ Si Dawson

    It's the only way to continuously move forward — look for learning in
    –every– experience! (and particularly the crappy ones — the more you
    hurt, the more you gain by letting it go).

    That's a damn good point — who really knows what she was thinking or
    feeling. Never even thought of that. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dean-Collins/674616722 Dean Collins

    lol dude.….or the answer was, she had a boyfriend, was just out having some friends with her girlfriends thought it was one of them who tapped her on the shoulder realised it wasnt an wanted to get her drink and back to her friends.

    Spending the 10 minutes to write this post and analysing how someone can make a decision in 1/3rd of a second tells you more about you.…than her.

  • http://sidawson.org/ Si Dawson

    This entire blog tells you more about me than her.

    If you read a little more carefully, you'll see I'm actually carefully not analysing why she did it. Because that's exactly the point. Don't. Just welcome up the feelings and let them go.

    Why? Because that's so much more productive. And really? Who gives a fuck. She's just some random girl in a bar. That interaction doesn't matter in the slightest, only how I reacted, and what I did with those feelings.