Our usual reaction to fear, anxiety, in fact any "negative" or "unpleasant" emotion is to avoid it. To either push it down or try to escape it (booze, sex, TV etc).

And this works!

Well, kinda.

All it really does is push that emotion back down again, but, like an unkillable hydra, it will in time rear itself up to bite us on our proverbial asses.

So, what's a better way to deal with fear?

Well, there's a super easy way, but you've gotta be willing to try something different.

In fact, you've got to be willing to do the exact opposite (If what you're doing isn't working for you, why the hell not give it a shot? Worst case and it doesn't work, you're exactly where you are already)

Here's what you do: Rather than push it down, welcome it up.

Of course, this goes against our natural instincts ("Our hand hurts, we take it off the stove"). But maybe something unobvious is what's needed here.

It's actually very simple (aren't most Truths?)

Rather than saying "No" to the fear or other negative emotion, say "Yes" to it. Literally.

1. Address the fear and say "Yes" to it, out loud.
2. Welcome that feeling up
3. Feel it (in your stomach or chest)
4. Then, open a door or window (whatever works for you) right over that feeling, and just let the emotion leave.

It's the funny thing with emotions, the only reason they appear in the first place is because they want to leave.

All emotions want to leave.

Our instinct-to-avoid thus prevents this.

You can send the feeling love "I love you, and it's time for you to leave." You can just allow it to leave "I allow you to leave." You can ask it if it wants to leave "Fear, do you want to leave?" Tap along with it. All of these work.

The key is just that you stop resisting the feeling. Stop saying "No" to it and say "Yes" instead. Send the feeling love instead of hate.

Much like learning to drive — when we see oncoming lights, our instinct is to swerve towards the lights — which is why we need to be taught to steer towards the side of the road. Sometimes our instincts do steer us wrong.

The answer is so incredibly simple. The opposite of our instincts, not always easy, but simple.

Say yes to all non-loving feelings, and just let them go.

What do you have to lose. You're already in pain anyway*, right?

Just say yes.

* You're not in pain? You have no fear? Awesome. Then keep saying yes. Say yes to love, to happiness, to joy! Say yes to being The Most Amazing You Ever!

Wouldn't it be useful to know in advance if something was going to be pointless? Or how about just at the time? Even cutting that wasted 6 months back to a day or two would be a huge win.

How the hell would we go about that?

Well, an obvious way is to get more present (eg this excellent video tutorial on 'Falling Still' by my good friend @Dhrumil). The more aware we are, the more attention we'll pay to warning signs that perhaps we're wasting our time (aka, not being in the flow of the universe).

Getting more present is well covered territory, so how about just ensuring we're not massively out of sync with the world in some huge way?

How do we spot when we are really, really nowhere the hell near what's best for us? Or when we're exhibiting akrasia, and actively going against our own best judgement?

In other words, how do we identify (so we can correct) when we're  making life unbearably difficult for ourselves?

Turns out, this is easier to spot than it might seem. The bad news is, it's usually easiest to see about ten years after we've stopped doing it. It's also typically accompanied by enlightened self-observations such as "dipshit" & other such beating ourselves up.

pic by rob, rich & tim

So what are typical head-bashing symptoms?

Very simply: pouring massive amounts of time, energy & effort into a situation (or person).. and getting disproportionately little in return.

What are the warning signs?

• Are you always the one to initiate contact?
• Is it always a massive effort to cheer them up (or them you)?
• Do you put way more effort into communication than they do (as I discussed recently, asymmetrical communication)?
• Does it feel like you have to "chase" them, but they're never chasing you in return?
• Do you come away from them feeling drained?
• Is there a mis-match between your communication tones? (eg, you're generally positive towards them; they're generally negative towards you)
• Do you compromise way more often than them?
• Do you feel you need to 'convince' them of things that are obvious & reasonable in every other similar relationship you have?
• Do you dread seeing them?

Seeing these signs isn't enough by themselves, of course, you need to allow for context. Everyone goes through difficulties, & every relationship in your life will show some of these at some point or other.  One symptom by itself may tell you nothing more than that person desperately needs your support.

If you're seeing a large number of them though? That's a pretty good sign you're just wasting a ton of time & energy for no good reason.

One obvious solution is just to remove those people from your life — or at the very least minimize contact as much as possible.

pic by eventhestreets

Of course, people always change, & in time they may well end up being your closest friend ever. Right now though? They're not.

However it's always a mistake (& one I've learned the hard way, repeatedly) to fall in love, or spend time & energy on someone based on who they might become — instead of who they actually are right now.

I've had relationships I've bailed out of because I eventually realised I'd been hanging on (for years in some cases), solely in the hope they might one day become the person I could see they were capable of being.

If you abstract this conversation up a level, you'll also see you have relationships with companies — those who give you money (your employer, your customers), and those you give money to (your utilities, local cafe). The same rules apply.

Why waste your time, your energy, your life on any relationship that is non-reciprocal & not adding value to your existence?

Similarly, & in the interests of balance, it's worth reassessing how you are to those around you. Are you "take take take"? Could you enrich the lives of those who love you by putting just a little more effort in?

Trust me, it is always going to be worth your time to do so. Really it's simply a case of showing them the love & respect that they are showing you.

These small (though occasionally scary) observations & steps can help save years of your life, untold misery, & free you up to truly get in the flow of the universe.

Life is supposed to be easy. Not without effort, but certainly not a perpetual struggle. Believing otherwise simply leads us to create these walls & spend years, as I've done, bashing our heads against them.

Here are my results & thoughts:

1. The first week or so is the worst. My body was obviously flushing something out. I don't know what, but it smelt pretty bad. I had a lot of showers per day.
2. The first couple of weeks I also got quite a few blocked pores, but they went away too.
3. Even with a very active lifestyle, it's actually quite manageable. I started by using no deoderant (I wanted to know what was going on), but ended up using an eau de toilette under my arms. There wasn't a strong negative smell, I just preferred it to myself. Oh, I hate my body smell, quelle horror. Not really, just a minor preference.
4. Interestingly, my (very slight) eczema flared up a bit when my body was detoxing, initially, then calmed right down, went away & hasn't come back at all.
5. When I get out of the shower I'm actually drier. As with the toxin flushing, I suspect that even using a very light soap & rinsing well leaves enough of a film that a) toxins can't naturally flush & b) water gets trapped on the surface rather than naturally being absorbed
6. I've also stopped using shampoo. Hair feels fine. There's a little grease when I run my hand through my hair, but I figure that's just healthy natural oils. It's certainly never been too oily, not like when I was using shampoo. My scalp is great.
7. It's really easy to be lazy & just stand under the shower, but it's important to rub your hands over your body, same as if you're using soap — particularly on high sweat areas — thighs, chest, armpits, back.
8. Ears. Ears are weird. In ears & behind ears? Couldn't keep those clean without soap. I don't think I have particularly dirty ears (unless they're running off while I'm asleep), I suspect it's just a function of the way ears are (you know, waxy & all)

pic by jciv

By the end of the month, I'd settled on using soap in the following circumstances:

1. Before preparing food (duh)
2. After bathroom (see? not a complete philistine)
3. To wash extreme amounts of grease/grime/etc off my hands, or, for example, after vigorously rubbing my scalp to keep my hair/scalp clean
4. In high sweat areas if there was strong smell or I felt compelled to (after super heavy exercise) — so, that'd be arse, groin, armpits, oh, & the ever magical ear. Even then, I'm using the lightest amounts possible, and very rarely, maybe once a week

Given that my skin is my largest organ (ooerr), & obviously there was something unhealthy being blocked by using soap, I'm very happy to continue with the above plan. That pretty much works for me.

Oh, & for bubble baths? All rules are off :)

[earlier post: The No Soap Experiment]

However, a new year's experiment — where you try something new, just for January? Ahh, that's awesome.

So, a few years back I read a book a day for all of Jan. That was.. entertaining, although I didn't do much else with my time.

Then I tried eating no meat for January a couple of years later. That lasted about 3 days, until I realised I'd have to learn how to cook tofu (Eww! No thanks!) whereupon I discovered the raw food diet — no cooking, no tofu? I'm sold! Which was great, and extended out more or less continuously from there.

This year, based on reading this, & this, I thought I'd try washing with no soap or shampoo for all of January.

To paraphrase the theory, one reason we smell is because of bacteria on our skin, which is amped up when we strip natural oils etc out using soaps (which also leave a thin film of chemicals on our skin). Skin is something which is vastly underrated, but given that it's our largest organ, we should probably consider a little more than we tend to.

There's also a theory that you should never put anything on your skin that you wouldn't eat. Since our skin is absorbent, I've gotta say, that holds a lot of water for me.

People that have done the "no soap" thing before say it takes a couple of weeks for your body to adjust. There's a lot of flushing of toxins, plus your body getting used to not having to constantly replace the oils. After that, things hum along — clean shiny hair, glowing skin, etc etc.

Personally? I've gotta say I'm skeptical. I have some unusual skin. It's very moist (a dermatologist once showed it to me under a microscope, saying it was the moistest skin she'd ever seen). I also have a hyperactive lifestyle — working out until physical exhaustion (ie, mega sweat+dirt) four times a week, & do occasionally get very slight patches of eczema if I'm under a lot of stress or don't clean super well. I also find that my pores clog up a little if I miss a patch on my leg, say, when I'm cleaning (particularly after hard exercise).

These are all very minor things, but I suspect they'll be exacerbated without soap.

Up until now I've found the best solution is to use a very mild, non perfumed soap. I also do dry skin brushing (when I remember, I'm a bit lazy on that front, I'll admit), which helps slough off dead skin cells.

Of course, I'll still use soap before food prep, after the bathroom, or if (like today) I get myself covered in oil up to the elbows. Best not to be a complete idiot & ignore all that science has discovered in the past 200 years.

Also, this does NOT mean no washing. Hell no. Just not using soap. I'll still be scrubbing my body as if I were using soap — so that friction will help clean off dirt etc. I already use a nail brush (without soap) to scrub real tough grime out — eg grass stains on the bottom of my feet after training.

At present I'm a few days in, and definitely in that "argh" stage. I'm going to up the skin brushing a bit, & have more regular showers to help my skin flush away any crud that's coming out.

By the end of January I should have enough data to make a definitive conclusion — for my own body at least. Up to you to figure it out for yourself!

The first, let's call "Event X", was that someone made me very, very angry. There's no value in getting into the specifics, but I've wracked my brain & been unable to come up with a worse thing that anyone has ever done to me. There probably is, I just can't remember it, so let's put it in the top three.

The second, let's call "Event Y", was that I made someone else very, very angry. Again, little value in the specifics — except to say that it was very definitely not intentional on my part (but of course I'd say that! I'm the one telling this story!)

So, Event X. How did I react? Well, firstly, I don't get angry very often. Not really angry. Maybe once every few years. I can distinctly remember the last time it happened, & that was February 2002. I get aggrieved, frustrated, annoyed, miffed.. but not real, cold anger. All these things are happening less & less these days (thankfully), but I'm still human.

To start with, I was in shock. Plain, simple shock that such a terrible thing could be done to me. I then transitioned into serious, hardcore anger. I had a very brief flirt with thoughts of revenge — for less than a second — but where's the value? Then you just have two upset people. As Ghandhi put so eloquently put it "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind."

Then followed about 5 or 10 minutes of loud swearing (I was home alone), some surprise, disappointment, disbelief, & then, as I let more & more of it go, peace. And action, lots of action, to sort it all out.

pic by urline

So, not ideal, yet. But, over it in a day or so tops. Over the worst of it in about half an hour. For me, that's a huge step forward. I'm happy with it. I'll keep working on it. It will improve.

Ok, let's leave that for the moment & move on to Event Y. Me making someone else angry.

I can't explain how the other person felt, except that they were still bitter & spewing unrequested vitriol in my direction several hours later.

Here's the funny thing though. This wasn't even anyone I know. I'd never met them before. Yes, a completely random internet stranger. Now, if I was going to be completely fair about it, I'd say I might have been a bit pushy. They might have been a bit careless — not paying as much attention as they could have been. Basically a very minor misunderstanding led to me doing something that they deemed utterly abhorrent. In my value system, it qualifies as "uhh, *shrug* so what?" but ok, everyone gets upset by different things.

Anyway, I could see that this person was in pain. They were screaming furious (sound familiar?) All over what to me was a simple misunderstanding, fixed with one click of a button. Them being upset didn't bother me particularly, I just thought, well, they should have paid more attention, & besides, it's such a minor thing, really, who cares?

But of course, different value systems — you can see where the misunderstanding might creep in.

The practical upshot was this — that person poured a ton of negative energy (bile, acid, stress) into their body for an extended period of time. Net effect on me? Basically zero.

Ok, so back to Event X.

Here's what I realised today.

This person had been threatening to do what they actually ended up doing for weeks. I just figured they wouldn't go through with it, so of course it was a huge shock when they did. However, if I'd actually listened to them, and taken action much earlier, I wouldn't even have noticed what they'd done. The effect on me would have been absolutely nothing. Less than nothing. Actually the outcome has been very positive.

So, hang on, I got that angry, for what? Not paying attention? Not acting on what I'd already been told. Basically, I got angry because they did what they said they would do. Because they were as good as their word.

Uh, what?!?

I know I got stressed. Probably shortened my lifespan in the process.

What a complete & utter waste of energy.

Carrie Fisher had a great quote about resentment — but the exact same thing applies to anger, so I'll paraphrase (Thanks Carrie, love your work!):

"Anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die"

So true. So very, VERY true.

Ever meet anyone that's done that?

pic by pureenergy

No, me either.

Fortunately, if you step back & look at meditation as a concept, it's really just aiming to do two things:

1. Empty your brain of thoughts (you remember those, they're the things that are not-you)
2. Bring you into a deeper state of relaxation or awareness

This is pretty much the description of flow. Any athlete in peak performance has that. In fact, any peak performer, in any area, is in that state.

No thoughts, no noise, just pure beingness.

If you're anything like me, you've heard great things about meditating. Sat down, tried it, & given up due to distraction. Or, you know, found something more important that urgently needed doing.

So what's the trick?

Well, to start with, yep, it can be hard. Thoughts swirl around us like dust in a tornado. We're assailed from every direction. It can seem damn near impossible.

Here's a trick though. Who said you have to be sitting still to meditate? Try going for a walk, or a run — or just sit & jiggle your leg if you're feeling lazy. That's fine too.

Second, who said you have to be quiet? It's your mind that you're trying to get to shut up.

So, how about this. Get some music you really like. Preferably stuff without words — you don't want to be putting new thoughts into your mind. Preferably reasonably fast — otherwise your brain may (will!) start wandering in the gaps.

For me, I'm a fan of high bpm (beats-per-minute) dub, drum & bass, and other electronica. It has a regular rhythm, which means you can kind of tune it out, but it's fast enough that it drowns out most of what's going on upstairs.

Crank it up loud & start walking, running, or jiggling.

You'll find the music & movement will swamp most of your thoughts. This is a great start. It just makes it easier to see any remaining thoughts that peep out from above the noise.

Now, what to do when you do catch yourself drifting off? Well here's the trick.

Just pay attention. When you see thoughts arising, bring your focus back to the music (or the exercise). Let the thought go. You can always worry about it later, turn it into a haiku or scribble it on a balloon & fling it to the wind.

Each time your brain starts burbling away, get back into the music. You did choose loud music you absolutely adore, right? Well, that'll make it easier.

(be sure to stretch before attempting this super-advanced meditational asana)
pic by juljo

As an added benefit? It'll make you happier. Less crap going on upstairs, listening to music that makes your heart beat that little bit faster, endorphins pouring through your body…

Besides, you can always sit still & just breathe when you reach the top of the hill.

ps. If you're keen to try some other non-standard techniques for stilling the mind, my good friend Dhrumil has an excellent 15min audio on "Falling Still" (or if you prefer, a 20 min video). Then there's always those old saw-horses EFT & releasing, of course — to get rid of specific thought patterns. Or, you know, just try all of it & see what works for you.

So, when shamed in loss, their posture slumps, they hide their faces & narrow their chests.

In victory, they raise their arms, expand their chests, & tilt their heads back. Like this:

(although I suspect the shirts off & veiny thing is optional)

I found this interesting because one of the subtle things we learn at Aikido is to expand our chests & keep our heads up. I'd always figured this was just a posture thing — if you look down, it pulls tension into the shoulders & you go off balance. Expanding the chest leads to a more opening feeling, expansive rather than contracting energy, and so on.

But perhaps there's more to it than that?

There have been many studies, going back to Riskind (1984) and perhaps earlier that link posture & depression. It's common knowledge that you can cheer yourself the hell up just by adjusting your posture (eg, this,or this)

but just how far can you take this?

So I thought hey — let's give this a shot. I went for a walk in full on victory pose. Chest opened & puffed out (almost), head tilted slightly back — although not so far I fell over. Umm, no, I kept my arms down. Don't need to get arrested for being a complete loony (it's supposed to be a secret — don't tell anyone)

The funny thing is, I was already feeling pretty incredibly good this morning. Confident, happy, on top of the world. The sun was definitely shining on planet Si.

Now, when I walk I have a real tendency to get thoughtful, and thus look down. And yet after a 20 minute walk around town, consciously adjusting my posture anytime I felt it slip back ..I felt.. how could it be.. even more incredible?

I don't know how that's possible, but I highly recommend giving it a go — particularly if you're already feeling a bit beneath the weather to start with.

I'm also beginning to think that part of the reason for doing it in Aikido is a combination of these two quotes from the founder, Morihei Ueshiba:

"A good stance and posture reflect a proper state of mind."

and

"Aikido can be summed up like this: True victory is self-victory"

Ie, perhaps it's internal, not external victory that really matters in the end — and by adjusting your physical posture, you ensure mental & spiritual victory.

This whole brain/mind/body connection really is an incredibly interesting thing.

Transhumanism is more or less synonomous with "human enhancement". This is the stepping stone to post humanism.

Of course, many people see this as complete nonsense — and that's totally fine.

However, assuming people think "Hey, become better? What a great idea!", there are two main approaches:

1. Wait Till Technology Does It For You
I know a guy who's a great example of this. He's 29 (but looks 49), chain smokes, does a lot of drugs, and so on. He plays guitar, but his body is so massively crippled that he can't play it for more than 5 minutes at a time without extreme pain. He can't do any exercise because every joint in his body hurts. This isn't a genetic disease — bad life choices have gradually crippled him.

He's firmly convinced he will live forever.

I suggested that perhaps he should cut back on the smoking, but he disagreed. Why? Because he's sure that 'science' will catch up soon enough that it'll be able to fix all his smoking related issues — oh, and all his other health problems as well.

Ahh, well. Ok then.

2. Start Now
Aubrey De Grey is a main figure in the immortality movement. He's opinionated as hell, so unsurprisingly, his ideas are hotly debated. He does however have some interesting points.

One of his key tenets is that if you can live another 30 years, then medical technology will improve enough to allow you to live another 30 (in robust health — we're talking quality of life here too, not just quantity). In the 30 after that, technology will improve to allow another 30 — and so on ad infinitum. A longevity equivalent of Zeno's dichotomy paradox.

The critical first step is that you want to hit that +30 year mark in as good a shape as possible. It's touch & go which aspects of human frailty will be dealt with first — so if, say, you have destroyed your lungs but the rest of you is fine, you might die anyway if medical science hasn't quite figured out lung replacement (or lung cancer) yet.

Now, health & wellbeing is a many faceted thing. Is it worth having a healthy body if your mind has completely deteriorated (or vice versa)? All the different aspects of your system have to be kept above a certain baseline, otherwise the entire system will collapse in on itself. Witness how quickly old folks can spiral downhill if they lose their mobility, catch pneumonia, or lose a loved one.

So, unsurprisingly, this is the approach I prefer. Working on improving my physical, mental, emotional & spiritual wellbeing, more or less all at once — thus ensuring maximum longevity (more importantly quality of life, not just quantity), and, eventually immortality.

The really interesting thing is — once you start looking at some of the technologies that have become available to assist & improve in these areas (and boy, the internet is a godsend for this kind of research), you quickly become exposed to more & more ways to improve your life. Not only that, but many of these technologies are both exponential in benefit & complementary to each other. You start using even a couple of them, and massive chunks of your life radically improve at once. The more you use them, the faster & more significantly your life improves. Even better than that, many of them are both free and stupidly simple to implement.

Of course, which technologies (or indeed any) to use is always a personal choice — and different things do just seem to work better for different people.

An unexpected benefit too is — once you start looking at some of these diverse aspects of the human system, you'll start to see that it is possible to live a life with higher highs (& much higher, or even non existent lows) than you might ever have previously dreamt possible.

Happier. Fitter. More energy. More peacful. More fulfilled. Wealthier.

I look at all this, and to me at least it seems obvious — why wait for the future to arrive when it's becoming easier & easier to race up to meet it, with a giant smile on your face?

But of course, as usual, there is always choice 1.

"If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?"
— Buddha

I heard this quote the other day (thanks @tinybuddha), and it hit like a ton of bricks.

pic by Trove Designs

When I was growing up, I was always told "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Conceptually this is the same thing, except that it's negatively framed and a little dictatorial in tone — I guess it's not surprising my younger self rebelled! Still, I guess this is the point where I say "Yes Mum, you were right. Again. I love you Mum."

Buddha provides a pretty simple checklist. Makes it easy to remember.

1. True? Yes/No.
2. Necessary? Yes/No.
3. Kind? Yes/No.

I thought about this a bit deeper & I realised, speech is one level, but what's behind speech?

Thought.

Couldn't the same thing apply here? If you're going to think anything, ensure it is True, Necessary & Kind.

Of course, the vast majority of thoughts are simply self-speech — talking to or about ourselves. We're the cruelest & least forgiving toward ourselves, so if anything this self-speech, thought, is far, far more important to consider.

So, being the extremist that I am, I tapped those two things in — both speech & thought. Because it's tapping IN a positive, instead of tapping OUT a negative, it's worth having a few goes to clear out all the blocks.. but already I'm feeling my attitudes — towards those around me — and myself — softening.

It's a path well worth travelling, no matter how few or how those steps are taken.

3 parts Linseed
2 parts Sunflower seeds
1 part Almonds

This was used by Sandra Cabot as a liver cleansing diet (although originally put together by a couple of other Australians, in the 80's).

Ok, so that's great. Soak, grind & add that to my diet, and we're away. Right? Wrong.

Turns out, I didn't have any linseed hanging around the place, just some linseed meal — I figure that's gotta be the same stuff, just ground up, so where's the problem?

One thing that juice fast taught me was to listen very, very closely to my body when I'm feeding it things, and I noticed that after having the LSA mix, something wasn't quite right. Basically ok, just a little off.

So I started doing some research.

Linseed is another term for flaxseed. Flaxseed is well known as a source of omega-3's, etc etc. So what's the problem?

Turns out linseed meal is a by-product of extracting the oil from flax/linseeds. Ie, it's what's left over after you take the oil away.

Now, linseed meal is fed to horses, and is still high in protein, so what gives?

Then I discovered this [pdf]. "The toxic action of linseed meal on trout". Turns out some scientists discovered that when you feed linseed meal (ie, the by-product, not the entire seed) to trout, it turns them black. And blind. And dead.

So. Entire seed, good. Meal, bad. Of Course! How Obvious! *facepalm*

It's a tricky world out there. Stay sharp kids!