You Are Not Your Thoughts, Emotions Or Body

Here's an old, but useful exercise:

Pay attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking right now?

Ok. Good.

Here's another one:

What are you feeling right now? What is your primary emotion?

Ok, excellent. Bear with me.

If you lost your little finger in an accident, would you still be you? Or, put another way, since every cell in your body replaces itself every 7–10 years, or sooner, at any point do you stop being you?

See, it breaks down like this. If you can be aware of your thoughts, then you are not your thoughts. We have thoughts, but we are not our thoughts.
With emotions, it's even more obvious. Unfortunately in English we say things like "I am angry." In French or German things are more instructive. They say "I have anger." We have emotions, but we are not our emotions.
We are obviously not our physical body either. We have a body, but there's something more going on.

If you've read a little bit, I'm sure none of this is a surprise. Eckhart Tolle talks about these realisations as part of his enlightenment experience. Oh, & if you get the chance to see him live, I thoroughly recommend it, he's a superbly entertaining speaker.

Of course, this is the point where I could totally understand you saying "Well, ok, so what?" & fair enough too.

This is one of those understandings that it's easy to have intellectually, but might take years before it's really cemented into your being. Really knowing something in your heart can be funny like that.

If we're not our thoughts, emotions or bodies, then what are we? Well, that's another good question. I don't have any easy answers to that, except to say that we're what's left when thoughts & emotions are taken away. We're the space in which they form.

I'm not generally a huge fan of philosophical posturing. You can sit around & talk nonsense for years, but how does it help unless you actually apply it, or do something, or change something?

So, here's something useful you can do with this information.

If you're not your thoughts, or your emotions, then when you sense these things arising, you can let them go, just as easily as they arose.

If you start thinking something that takes you out of your place of joy (or just generally makes you feel bad), then realise they're just thoughts, spontaneously arising. You don't have to keep thinking them. You don't have to stay focussed on that subject. Just let it go. Drop it, or if that doesn't work, distract yourself with something you enjoy more. Why not? I mean, who's the boss — you, or your thoughts?

Same thing with emotions. Feel a negative emotion, you don't have to keep feeling that. You'll only keep feeling it for as long as you choose to. I realise this is a little inflammatory, we're more or less raised to believe that emotions are these powerful things that we either feel intensely, or completely deny (There's that "I am angry" or "I am not angry" thing again).

Bottom line though, who's the boss of you? Are your emotions the boss of you? Well, no, they're not. You can see this when you see two people experience the same event, and react completely differently. Or by watching how much people vary in terms of calming down after an upsetting event.

Emotions do tend to be a little more overwhelming at times. There are many ways to gain control back though. EFT is a good one — that'll allow you to drop any negative emotional reaction altogether. Meditation, Yoga & exercise are helpful too. Anything that helps you maintain your centre, your sense of self — rather than being swept away with events around you.

Once you realise that thoughts & emotions are not you, just things happening to you, you're taking a huge, positive step towards freedom. The more you let go of them as they occur, the less power they have over you, & the more they start to disappear. The more they disappear, the calmer your life becomes, & the more you become, well, you. That sparkling ball of light, love & energy right at the core of your being. The part of you that people fall in love with. The part of you that your friends (the good ones, not the bitchy ones) adore so much.

Well, that's a pretty tall order, so where to start? Just start by paying a little attention. Notice when thoughts or emotions are running away from you. Give yourself a chance to step back a little, let them go. Even just doing that tiny little thing will start to pay dividends immediately. After all, what do you have to lose? The real You, not the thinking/emoting/farting you?

March 20, 2009 | Posted in healing, self-improvement |
  • http://www.PureJeevan.com/blog Jim Dee

    Amen, brother.

    Reminds me of a fave tune by the fab 4:
    Let It Be — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oZYqAeIdYk

  • http://www.jsbaxter.com.au John B

    "We're the space in which they form."
    I like that line!

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Well you know, they weren't called the average four! :)

  • http://2inches2infinity.blogspot.com/ bizzy

    Reading this has helped me understand myself more than the past three months of self-reflection I've been forcing upon myself.

    On xmas eve, I allowed myself to become so angry during an argument with my father, that I literally jumped out of his car while we were at a stop light and attempted to run across the street. My intention at the time was to remove myself from the situation that was causing me to be angry. I was going to walk the rest of the way home — about two blocks — because I thought at the time I couldn't stand to be in the car with him while he was acting in a way that provoked these intense, upset feelings. I knew I couldn't control his behavior, so I thought the only way to calm down was to control my own behavior.

    The only problem was, I let my emotions control my behavior. I didn't get across the first lane of the street when a car going 35–40 mph struck me, causing me to fall on the asphalt, breaking my left wrist, and tearing a crucial ligament in my right knee.

    When the driver stopped his car and, with a horrified look on his face, came to see if I was okay, all I could think to say was "I'm sorry".

    What is my point?

    My point is that these past three months, through surgeries and physical therapy and time spent living back at my parents house while I recover and gradually reclaim my physical independence, I have had time to think about why this all happened. I don't think I'll ever know why or how I let my anger get the best of me, but it's clear to me now that, as you said, I was not and am not my emotions. They (anger, hurt, fear, etc) were clearly clouding what I consider my own common sense.

    "Look both ways before crossing the street."

    Every small child in America hears this from adults, yet I, a 26-year-old woman, forgot it in a split-second because I was too busy listening and surrendering to the emotions that I now see as a poison that swiftly injected itself into my rationale.

    Anyway, I'm sorry for the tangent. What I'm trying to say is thank you for bringing all of this awareness to the forefront of my mind. I'll probably continue to try and make sense of this incident in my life, but at least now I have a more clear picture of how to recognize these emotions and what power they have if I choose to yield to them.

    Also, consider me a new subscriber.

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Wow, that's.. awesome.

    Thank you so much for sharing. That's a pretty tough lesson you've had to learn. A good one. I'm sorry you had to get hurt in the process.

    The good news is, it's very possible to let go of these emotions, to have them have significantly less power over us. Takes some practice, but even just being aware, & letting them go when they do arise.. that's really all it takes. As you do this, over time these 'reactive' emotions just stop occurring anywhere near as much, & then eventually not at all.

    You're already taking powerful steps.

  • Penelope

    Sorry for commenting on something written a while ago, but I've only just discovered your blog, and this post just made me stop everything I was thinking–if only for 5 seconds–and get a look at what my life would be like with another perspective.

    Thing is, I've been injured every day for over a year. Nothing tragic or dramatic–just a sprained joint here, tendonitis there, a stress fracture, and so on. Again, nothing tragic, but just enough to limit the things I like to do. No hiking. No riding. No running. No pushups.

    And I'm young! This shouldn't be happening to me!

    But it is.

    I felt for the longest time–and sometimes still feel–as if each injury chipped away a little bit at my identity. After all, I can't yet do all of my favorite activities. I needed the reminder that there is something to me that makes me me, something independent of my body. It seems so obvious now. A bird with a broken wing is still a bird.

    I'm sure there will still be days when I feel upset and angry. But right now, I feel a little bit better. So thank you.

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Hey Penelope

    First of all — there's no need to apologise at all.. It's a free web, you go right ahead & comment on anything you like!! :)

    Secondly, I'm super glad that what I've written has helped — even just a little. Thank you so much for writing to tell me.

    Ultimately I think, the best that any of us can do — regardless of the day-to-day injuries, injustices & setbacks, is just to love ourselves.. as much as we possibly can, & then a little more. It's one thing to physically be hurt, but so much more of the pain comes from beating ourselves up afterwards.. & changing that is as easy as making a choice.

    A funny side effect? The more we love ourselves, the faster everything heals — emotionally & physically.

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  • Harsh Parmar

    Awesome! The only aspect of life that would make you the real you would be death. A state devoid of thoughts, emotions, actions etc, filled with the vast emptiness. The state of peace. So no matter how you have lived your life, ultimately everyone gets there. The good people, the bad people and the indifferent ones. There is no right, there is no wrong. No heaven no hell. No angels no demons. But this only exists because we give it a thought and thoughts are not us. If thoughts are not us then how can they be real? The thought that right or wrong exists or the thought that they do not exist. Neither is true. To be more precise we do not need such a hypothesis in the very first place. 

    We can apply the same principle to almost every aspect that we allow to define our lives. The fact that "i want to be happy" and that is the right deal. And being sad that is the wrong thing. The world is obsessed with the want of happiness. That strict notion that we MUST be happy and avoid sadness and disappointment at all costs. If we just sunk in the message that there is no happiness or sadness or more accurately the real 'we' don't have the need to be either.

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    *nod* yep.. it's a realisation I've been slowly coming to as well.. I wrote a bit more about it (that good/bad is a false dichotomy)  in this post.

    In general, refusing to buy into the garbage that pops in our heads (ie, our thoughts) can take you a long way to that state of peace — without having to be dead :)