si dawson

So let's rock this up a notch. We've already dis­cussed that we are not our thoughts or emo­tions. We've checked out not ver­bal­is­ing neg­a­tive thoughts. What's the next log­i­cal thing to do?

Take it back a step, of course.

If we're not our thoughts or emo­tions, well, who con­trols them?

We do! We're the damn boss, & it's about time they knew that.

Oooh, eas­ier said than done, of course (or is it?) If you've (as I have) spent a life­time believ­ing that our thoughts & emo­tions were us, it can be a tricky mind­set to adjust.

• "I'm angry"
• "I feel cheated"
• "I wor­ried about this"

Nope, com­pletely wrong.

• "I'm expe­ri­enc­ing feel­ings of anger"
• "I'm expe­ri­enc­ing feel­ings of being cheated"
• "I'm expe­ri­enc­ing thoughts of worry"

Choose to walk? Choose to fly. Pic by missvivienne

Ever seen kids at play? They bang them­selves, cry, then two min­utes later they're back play­ing again, as hap­pily as if it never happened.

What's going on here? Ok, short atten­tion span might help. Being in the moment def­i­nitely helps, but a very impor­tant fac­tor is this:

They haven't been trained that they're "sup­posed" to hang onto things yet.

They don't know about hold­ing onto grudges, or resent­ment, or pain.

Remem­ber the first time some­one really, deeply, hurt you? Still feel that?

Well, how long are you going to hold onto that pain for? Hell, for all you know, the per­son that caused it is dead now.

Ok ok, so I'm not say­ing this to belit­tle the pain you've expe­ri­enced in your life. Not at all.

The point is this — we make a choice. We always make a choice.

With every thought, every emo­tion, we make a choice. Hold onto it, or let it go.

Some­times we have rules. Eg, it's ok for us to let go of these thoughts or emotions:

• After a cer­tain period of time ("Oh, that was years ago")
• After the other per­son has behaved a cer­tain way (eg, apologised)
• After the other per­son has suffered
• .. or is dead.

All these rules. Why? They're all bullshit.

They're all rules that we're hold­ing onto that stop us from expe­ri­enc­ing hap­pi­ness now.

How about if you had new rules.

• When the phys­i­cal pain dis­si­pates, I choose to for­get about the inci­dent that caused it
• It's safe to let go of pain, because I remem­ber the lessons learned
• Regard­less of how those around me behave, I am the boss of my emo­tions, & I'll choose how I react (if at all)
• I will only con­tinue to enter­tain thoughts that I enjoy & let the rest go
• I will actively choose to think thoughts that make me feel better
• If doing some­thing makes me feel bet­ter, I'll do it more often.
• If doing soome­thing makes me feel worse, I'll do it less.

Or, best of all, just decide, "I'm the boss of how any­thing makes me feel."

Because, & here's a huge secret, YOU ARE.

pic by phuongthao202002

Now yes yes, I can hear you bring­ing up objec­tions. Life isn't always that sim­ple. It's com­pli­cated, messy, we never know what's hap­pen­ing next.

Well here's another secret (I'm full of them today). It's not about being per­fect. It's just about being bet­ter. Just a lit­tle bet­ter, tiny steps at a time.

Sure, we all have days where we're a bit slow on the uptake. Get into a bad spi­ral & take a while to twig to what's going on. That's per­fectly ok. Totally nor­mal. Utterly usual.

The point is sim­ply that every moment we choose a higher vibra­tion thought or emo­tion over a lower one. Ie, we choose to let go of things that bug us, is a moment we become happier.

Another great thing about this process is that if we truly let go, then those thoughts & emo­tions, over time, stop recurring.

We do, gen­uinely become happier.

How do I know this? Well, this is exactly what I've been doing over the last few weeks.

In some very real & mea­sur­able senses, my life is cur­rently the worst it's ever been. Know what? I don't care. Sure, I've had some freak­outs. Total wigouts where I've been a mess for a day. Then I pick myself up, let go of the crappy thoughts & emo­tions. Heal any­thing obvious.

And then? Yes. Feel bet­ter. Feel happy. Truly. Peacefully.

Even in this sit­u­a­tion, I can hon­estly say I have never felt hap­pier in my life. What's more, every day I know I'm slightly hap­pier than the day before, on average.

The mess around me will be sorted, and soon. Life always changes, & exter­nal things will improve. And I'll be happy then too. Because I've cho­sen to be. Just made a deci­sion "I don't care what hap­pens around me, I'm going to do every­thing I pos­si­bly can to be happy."

Life has ups & downs, def­i­nitely, but the more of those downs I choose to let go of, the hap­pier I'm becom­ing… and if I can do it, so can you. One thought, one emo­tion at a time.