On Judgement

The bible said "Judge not lest ye be judged" — which is pretty funny considering the whole book is chock full of judgement. Touch a football? check. Get a tattoo? check. Sell your daughter as a sex slave? Oh, no actually, that one's ok.

Of course, Jesus also said "forget that old testament, honky, all you need is love." Jesus was way cool.

*cough* I may be paraphrasing a little.

The real problem is, there's judgement everywhere. Yep, even in the new testament. If even Jesus can't avoid it, what hope is there for us regular folk?

Growing up a Catholic, I've had a lot of time to think about the 10 commandments. Sure, don't murder, don't covet your neighbour's wife's ass, these all make sense. Frankly though? I think judgement is worse than all of them (except maybe the ass thing).

Why?

Because it's insidious. It colours everything we think and do. It worsens our life in ways that are far reaching but not immediately apparent.

When Shakespeare said "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so," this is what he was talking about. Judgement.

Oh, and did I mention it's insidious as all hell?

Even as we try to run away from judgement, we pull it closer to us. "Judgement is bad? Ok, I won't do that" — oh, wait, haven't we just judged judgement?

It's a tricky little bugger.

So, let's break it down a bit.

Why would judging something as "bad" be a bad thing (ha ha, circular logic alert!)

For a start, it makes us feel crappy.

Test it out. Think about something you believe is truly evil, vile, disgusting, abhorrent. Rush Limbaugh? Fish fingers and custard? Christmas shopping?

Feel better? No, of course not.

Additionally, any time we judge actions, behaviours, words or personalities as deficient, we pull our energy away from those involved. We hold ourselves back. Our negative judgement limits us. We can't be fully present, we can't be fully loving.

Ok, so let's say we choose to let go of negative judgement. Do we become a pollyanna? Should we just say "it's all good, bro" (hair flick)?

Well, not quite.

The even more subtle issue here is this: judging something as positive is problematic too.

Let's say we really like cake. Cake is great. Cake is always welcome. In other words, we've judged it as 'good'.

  • If cake goes away? We'll get sad.
  • If someone takes cake away from us, we'll resent them.
  • If we can't get cake, we'll be angry, disappointed or jealous.
  • When we don't have cake, we'll lust, or be needy.

Huh. All that just coz we like cake?

Well, there's nothing wrong with enjoying cake, while it's here. Sure. However, you can start to see why Buddha said "Desire is the root of evil."

Loving something is wanting more of it, hating it is wanting less of it. Two sides of the same "desire/wanting" coin.

Letting go of judgement takes us out of wanting.

If we love cake while it's here, but love its absence as deeply, well, then we can remain calm & centred regardless of the cakiness of the situation.

Someone takes cake away from us, we can deeply enjoy our lack-of-cakeness… we're becoming more svelte, we're eating healthier, our cholesteral is dropping and boy howdy, if we have cake again we're gonna really enjoy it.

There are so many benefits to not-cake.. provided we can stay in that place of not-judging.

Non judging is, in short, non attachment.

You know the old story. Farmer's horse runs away — ohhh, terrible luck! Maybe. Next day it brings back a herd of wild horses — ohhh, great luck! Maybe. His son tries to tame one, falls off & breaks a leg — ohhh, terrible luck! Maybe. Everyone is conscripted for battle, except his broken-legged-son — ohhh, great luck! Maybe.

At the root of peace is non attachment. At the root of non attachment is the letting go of judgement.

Right. Practically speaking, how do we do this?

Ahh, it's easier than you think. In fact, if you've read more than three posts on here you've probably already guessed. Uhh, unless the three were the one about horses, the one about snow and that post about cheese.

Just repeat to yourself "I love having cake" — and let go of all thoughts & feelings that arise, until you can say it and genuinely feel it.

If you're a life-long cake abolitionist, this may take some time. That's ok, no rush, there'll be plenty of cake tomorrow.

Next, repeat to yourself the opposite "I love having no cake" (or whatever phrase resonates most strongly for you). Keep repeating that and letting go until you feel genuinely loving about your not-cakeness.

That's all there is to it. As usual, love is the answer. Keep loving both sides till you feel great. When you feel great regardless, you'll do so because you are no longer judging.

Oh, it works for non-cakey things too.

related

05/Mar/2012 | healing
self-improvement |
  • http://twitter.com/BonzaiAphrodite Sayward Rebhal

    I wonder though, where does wisdom fit in?

    I should say that I'm a person who has thought about this some, and always comes down on the side of judgement. I just feel like … there are some things that should be judged!

    Rape, for example. I just can't imagine any circumstance in which rape could be considered anything other than "bad". And let's say I know that a fellow is a rapist, let's say he's raped a number of my friends, and I know this without any doubt. Wouldn't it then be *wise* to make a judgement on his moral character, and to then act upon that judgement, by actively avoiding crossing his path? 

    I just can't help but feel like so often this talk of non-judgement, of non-attachment, of "living above it all", well to me it always sounds a bit like self-imposed naiveté. 

    Do you believe that there's no such thing as right and wrong? If so, what's to stop us all from becoming hedonistic anarchists?

    I am very open to the possibility that I'm missing something here. I'd love to hear you riff on this. Thanks!

  • http://sidawson.org/ Si Dawson

     There's a few levels conflated here, which confuses things.

    Firstly, consider how you feel about a situation. The trouble with judgement is that it's usually coming from a lower, more automatic part of our brain (the amygdala, strictly speaking — fight-or-flight). Judging makes us feel crappier, in short.

    Secondly, wisdom is something that's easier to tap into once judgement is out of the way. Consider for example a legal-judge (I'll call him that for clarity). If (s)he's emotional about a situation (eg, your rapist above) it's going to cloud their ability to assess & act wisely.

    Here's a good example — just reminding a legal-judge of their mortality made them set bond 9x higher. That is not consistent, even handed assessment. It's emotional, it's irrational, it's affected by judgement.

    Thirdly, let's say you do decide to become a hedonistic anarchist (and reading up on anarchy is enlightening, it's not as terrible as we might have been lead to believe) — who am I to say that's the right or wrong thing for you to do with your life? Even if I'm making that assessment for myself, I can be fearful (it's good! it's bad!) about my choice, or loving (it is what it is).

    Fourthly, right & wrong — it's very easy for armchair theorists (& we love to do this in the west) to say with absolute authority "this is right! that is wrong!" but really? Is it ok to steal? How about if your family is starving? How about if that means someone else starves to death instead of your family? Morality is something humans have been arguing about for millennia. It's not something I'm going to pretend to have an answer for.

    Finally, yes, obviously, staying away from a known rapist is a wise thing to do. However, you can do that in a state of fear, or you can do it in a state of love. Letting go of fear, letting go of judgement is what enables you to act optimally (ie from a place of love) — both for you and (here's the trickier bit) for the rapist. Obviously that's highly contentious, so let's phrase it another way: as Gandhi said, an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind.

    One of the things I've learned from years of Aikido is that you move fastest only once you've let go of judgement about a situation. Yes, someone attempting to punch you in the throat could hurt if they connect, but is it bad? Is it good? Only once you transcend judgement of their actions can you act optimally, with maximum speed, and defuse the situation in a way that is maximally loving — ie, without hurting either of you.

    And you know, there's nothing to say that, on rare occasions (eg your rapist), the most loving thing that someone needs isn't just a good kick in the knackers.

  • vegan_diana

    This is very timely, and I've been thinking a lot about this very thing myself lately. How very unconstructive and even toxic judgment is. Especially value judgments of those whose experience I've never shared. Good read, thank you.

  • vegan_diana

    Sayward, for me it's easy to make the distinction between non-judgement and accepting unhealthy situations/people into your life. By that I mean by all means use astute discernment as to whether a person is healthy or safe for you to be around (and absolutely remove yourself from their presence if necessary. Non-judgement doesn't mean you have to be friends with people). But as to making moral judgements about right/wrong, bad people/good people– people and their lives are waaaaay to complex for anyone else to have a proper understanding of why they do what they do.

    I try to take an approach of focusing on my own backyard. Other people's lives and actions don't benefit from my judging them on a moral level, and nor do I.

    Hope that makes sense. :)

  • http://sidawson.org/ Si Dawson

     You're very welcome, and I must say, your reply to Sayward is bang on the money. An excellent summary.

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