The other night we started drinking at about 9:30pm after a very long day at work. We didn’t finish until ridiculously late (well, early).
Now, get enough beers in me & I get a bit crazy. A bit “everyone deserves to feel good, so why not compliment them?” crazy.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, in a bar situation this typically goes down like a lead balloon.
Bro & I were in a bar called Strawberry Moons (best name ever) when I saw a girl with the most fantastic empire waisted dress, dancing like a wild thing. So, when I went to the bar and she was standing right there I tapped her on the shoulder to tell her how awesome she was.
This gorgeous creature turned, took one look at me & immediately turned back without saying a word – or even wasting the effort of a facial expression.
Total time? About a third of a second.
Now, there are several conclusions you could draw from such an interaction:
- women get approached so often in bars that it’s normal to expect ulterior motives.
- first impressions have a huge effect
- in a big city you get used to only being approached when someone wants something
- I’m crap at talking to chicks in these environments
Really though, that’s all brain stuff. All the rationalisation in the world isn’t going to deeply change how you feel – particularly the next time a similar situation arises.
We’re talking about rejection here – which comes back to wanting approval (from her), wanting control (of how she reacts), wanting safety (from emotional pain).
The only thing for it is to welcome all those feelings up and let them go.
In this case “Not so bad“ definitely helped me equalise.
Also useful has been allowing myself to feel the feelings (particularly as I remember the situation), repeating “Yes”, welcoming those feelings up and letting them go until I felt loving, calm and peaceful about it all.
Perhaps the best news though is this: In truth, there really wasn’t much internal reaction at all.
… which means most of it has already gone.
… which means as crazy as I might be when drunk, I’m still present enough to let these non-loving feelings go as they arise.
… which is ho ho, so different from how I’ve been in the past.
… and really rather cool.
Drunken meditation, the next big thing?