Are You In Love With Your Pain?
A couple of years ago, when I first discovered EFT, it changed my life so much, so quickly, I immediately went around telling everyone I knew about it (Yes yes, I realise now how dopey & threatening this kind of behaviour is, I was just super excited)
I remember one conversation particularly vividly. Telling a friend with dyslexia that she could get rid of it, if she wanted.
Know what happened? She got angry. Yes, angry. Surprised the hell out of me.
“Huh!” I remember thinking, “I guess being dyslexic is just really important to her.”
Now here’s the funny part of the story. Remember that old saying “We hate most in others what we despise in ourselves?”.
I was watching this incredibly informative video by Rozalind Gruben this morning, on Social & Emotional Aspects of Eating (45 mins in 5 chunks, but definitely worth finding time for). She talks about the abandonment & disapproval that we experience as children – as part of the way we’re culturally raised. About how we start to see ourselves as flawed, & identify with what we’re told by the people around us.
.. and then it hit me
I’ve spent my life – or at least, as much of it as I can remember – defining myself by my pain. My struggle. My misery. (Note the use of ‘My’ – a good sign it’s my ego talking)
Ironically, my spiritual journey has been all about struggling to free myself from this self-imposed identity – that I’m miserable, in pain & suffering. Although I have been moving towards less struggle, less misery & less pain, it’s been damn hard work.
Yes, I’m laughing as I write this. It’s all so obvious now!
And yes, it’s been a struggle. Every key area of my life has been difficult.
Well this is simply because I’ve wanted it this way. I’ve been in love with it. It’s been a part of who I am. Yes, my decision. Maybe not consciously, but still, my choice.
The wonderful thing is that even just realising this has enabled me to change it. I was doing some tapping (EFT) this morning, and every time I went to tap on something, part of my brain just went “Peh, ok, that’s gone.” – before I could even get started.
That struggle, that pain, doesn’t have to be part of who I am any more. I chose it for years, but, well, now I choose differently.