How To End Hate (& its nasty side effects)
Ever heard that saying “What you resist persists”?
I’ve noticed a few patterns in my life recently.
In general, I’ve spent the last few years on a bit of a spiritual journey. Clearing out, well, pretty much everything.
The downside to this is, as I’ve got clearer, what remaining crap is there has echoed stronger & more powerfully through my life. Ahh, I wish I’d been told that when I started. Actually, probably best I wasn’t.
The bad news is, there are parts of my life that still suck. Like you wouldn’t believe. Well, ok, I’m human. The good news is, they stand out like nobody’s business. Also, it’s much easier to see when they’re repeating.
So, here I am, looking at my life “Wtf? Didn’t that same crappy situation happen 6mo ago? What’s going on?”
Then, the other day, it hit me.
They’ve all been things I hate.
Now, of course, very early on, I went through all the core ‘negative’ (if there is such a thing) emotions, assessing all the places in my life they affected, healing them etc.
Of course, my life drastically improved. Quelle surprise.
When I looked at hate, I came up blank though. “Huh? I don’t hate anyone.” My Mum brought me up way to well for that nonsense. I’ve gotta say, there have been a few people I probably should (according to society) hate for the roles they’ve played in my life, but I still don’t (thanks Mum).
What I realised lately though is – there’s a lot of things I hate.
Guess what’s recurring?
Situations, behaviours in those around me, limitations, frustrations, ongoing problems.
Yep, no frickin’ surprise.
Hate is resistance.
I’m resisting this nonsense, so of course, I’m just drawing it into me. However you want to explain that (law of attraction, reticular activating system, self sabotage) is largely irrelevant.
The empirical evidence is this: Stuff I hate I just see more of in my life.
The big (& incredibly obvious) lesson? STOP IT.
Ok, so I like to keep things vaguely useful/practical around here. Bob has great advice above, but really, how do you stop hating something?
I’ve shared lots of ways of doing this kind of thing before, so here’s a real simple way that’s been helping me lately:
1. Give the issue a percentage, 0-100% where 0=Hate It, 100%=I’m 100% ok with this thing happening.
2. Ask yourself, can I increase that percentage? Say “Yes”, out loud & as emphatically as possible.
Maybe it’s just my analytical math brain, but that really resonates for me. I typically get a number in my head instantly. Uhh, 20%, or 3%. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. It’s just a starting point.
To work with this, there’s a core realisation. You’re the boss. You, the real You. Not your physical body, not your mind, not even your ego. The large, spiritual you. The essence of you. Your consciousness.
For example, if you decide to stop thinking about something, who makes that decision? You do. Not your brain. Your brain is just the tool. That’s the real you making that decision. The core of your being.
Soooo. Once you realise that you’re the boss, then everything is really just a decision. Including the decision to actually be ok with something you used to hate.
How/Why Does It Work?
1. Saying ‘yes’ puts you in a positive mindframe rather than negative (ie, resistant, hating). Salesmen have known this for eons, of course. Nothing new there.
2. Saying ‘yes’ releases resistance to the issue. Even just accepting it a little can help shift things, open you up & let go of that hate (or secret shame, as is often the case with deep hatred) and thus resistance. Once the floodgates open, voila, you’re on your way.
I know, sounds crazy, but give it a bit of a go, be patient & watch what happens.
Of course, if you feel like using EFT, releasing, reiki, NPA or anything else at the same time, so much the better. Whatever helps.
When you do finally get up to 100% you’ll realise. You just don’t hate it any more, in fact, you couldn’t care less. Know what? You’ll stop seeing it in your life too.
For me, I got a piece of paper, on the left wrote “Things I f’n Hate”, on the right “% Ok with it” then just made a list. Going down, even just saying “YES, I hate …” it’s the craziest thing, but I could feel the hate lifting off & that percentage rising.
Another interesting side effect? All this saying yes. I’ve had inner tension (that my sensei can feel, but is hard for me to pinpoint) for, well, probably my entire life. With this? I can actually feel it easing. Don’t know how, or even what it is, but it’s definitely lifting.
Whoever thought being positive would be beneficial? *grin*