Apathy vs Acceptance

Inner peace is very easy; Just stop giving a shit.

Well, you know, for crappy versions of 'inner peace.'

It's very easy to think we're at peace and have finally accepted something, when really we've accidentally slipped into apathy.

You might be peaceful, but you probably won't be happy.

All healing, growing or goals we have are only ever with one intent (if you look underneath it all): happiness.

So why is apathy an issue? Because we can't be deeply happy about something if we're feeling apathetic.

It's easy enough to tell if you're hanging out in apathy: simply pay attention to the attendant thoughts and feelings.

Apathy is surrounded by grief, disappointment, despair. Thoughts like:

  • Why bother?
  • There's no point anyway
  • There's nothing I can do
  • It's out of my hands
  • I just don't care any more
  • I'm powerless here

Acceptance has a very different feel. It's similarly neutral, but there's a core of love that surrounds it.

A good tip here is to watch for humour. If the situation feels gently amusing — and no, not sarcasm or black humour — regardless of how it goes then you're in acceptance.

In a nutshell, the difference between apathy and acceptance is the difference between giving up and letting go.

Of course, once you see the signs for apathy town you can easily move to acceptance by just letting go of those thoughts & replacing them with loving ones, as usual.

Just a little trap to watch out for on this occasionally tumultuous road to bliss.

related

12/Mar/2012 | healing
self-improvement |
  • KerrieAnnF

    So you are the bearer of what has been bothering me for some time, which is to say: this quiet form of acceptance, which would apparently lead to happiness via the road of letting go leaves very little room for passion.  To me, that is.  "Neutrality" with the "core" of love is lovely. Peaceful, even.  But I have struggled with this idea — in the neutrality, in the letting go, in the gentle amusement, I sense a definitive lack of passion.  Lots of ohms, not a lot of ohs, know what I mean?  Thoughts?

  • http://sidawson.org/ Si Dawson

    I've been thinking about this for hours (mostly while listening to this) and you know? I don't know. I can postulate and hypothesise and extrapolate from what I've seen, but I really won't know. Not until I'm there.

    Historically I've been ridiculously passionate, when I really click with someone I love deeply.. but I've been single for a few years now. A lot has gone in that time. Maybe I'll never return from this solitary mountain top I've been trudging towards. Or maybe the babe of my dreams will be waiting at the top for me. Only the future knows for sure.

    All I know is all I can do: continue to love, as deeply as I can, every moment I'm in. Whether that's with someone else or continuously alone really doesn't matter. All I can do is see the ever present perfection of the now.

  • KerrieAnnF

    I think that was beautiful.
    This is what I've learned (not that you asked, but you are free to not only not read this, but also delete it as you are owner/operator :) Last year I left a marriage that was decidedly unpassionate and deeply unfulfilling after having tried to make it work for years. It was important for me to take this year and neutralize my space, meaning, let go of what wasn't working, of broken patterns and missteps.  Let go, let it be.  Now my space is empty like a gorgeous white board ready to be filled with today's beauty, be it laughter or love. Cyclical and ongoing.  But I'm dual-natured — I think we can be both accepting and passionate.  Have a good day (night?). k

  • http://sidawson.org/ Si Dawson

     Keeping passion in a relationship? Ahh, now that I have given a lot of thought to.

    There's a couple of key aspects:

    1. Talking the same language. 

    Sexually, people tend to have one sense that dominates, one primary modality. Being touched, being talked to, smell, how things look, etc. As long as you know what resonates most strongly for your partner, you can learn to talk their language, but it's always easiest (& most powerfully reciprocated) if you speak the same language. As a bonus — what you're doing will turn you on too.

    In terms of life-in-general, how you view the universe has to line up. Otherwise you'll constantly be pulling in different directions. As above, you can learn to communicate in terms of what's important to your partner, but it's much, much simpler if you're both alreaady on the same page.

    2. letting go of crap.

    In one of Woody Allen's classic movies, his Dad describes marriage as "thirty-five years of bringing up the past." If every mistake, misunderstanding and mis-step is constantly tallied up against you.. well, we're all human. That's gonna add up pretty quick. What chance does passion have against such mounting pressure?

    It also means our partner is refusing us growth: "20 years ago you did this, therefore you're still like that, you'll always be like that." No matter how much you try, they'll be constantly pulling you back into the past.

    Pretty obviously, it's critical that both people are letting go, or you'll end up like a chicken with one foot nailed to the floor.

    The good news is, if you're both committed to letting go (healing, growing) immediately anything and everything comes up, the relationship gets exponentially better every day — as do both of you.

    It's worth waiting for.

  • KerrieAnnF

    Yes. Yes. And yes, it is.