si dawson

experiments in self-improvement

Month: July, 2017

Shut Up And Heal

Historically I have, on occasion, been “a bit of a whinger”.

In my defence, this really only happens if I get stuck in a strongly negative head-space, which is  not common, thankfully. If something is bothering me heavily or strongly upsetting me, I can occasionally spiral, and then talk excessively about that subject.

On the rare occasions I’m really struggling with something, this outward vocalisation can get pretty overwhelming – and especially for whomever is being forced to listen to me. Ha ha, sorry my friends.

I think part of me hopes that by talking it out I can get it all clear in my head (ie, I’m trying to figure it out). Partly I’m looking for sympathy, compassion or support from whomever I’m talking to (ie wanting approval).

The other day though, I had a bit of a realisation.

If I’m complaining about something, it’s because there’s negative energy there. Pretty obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t be complaining, right?

So, since this energy has already come up, rather than expressing it through words, what I should be doing is just bloody well healing it. Surprise!

This is much faster, plus, when it’s done, the desire to complain will disappear along with all that negative energy. It also has the ever-so-slight benefit of making me less miserable to be around. So, another win!

Of course, the trick is catching myself before I start spiralling and talking too much. But that’s just practice. The advantage is, the energy coming up is what motivates me to talk, so really, I only have to watch for moments where I start feeling overwhelmingly shitty, or obsessive. With practice it’s also generally pretty trivial to dump stuff immediately, even if I’m in the middle of interacting with someone.

Now, this isn’t to say there isn’t real benefit in talking something out with a close friend, confidant, or therapist. Talk therapy is popular at least in part because it can be very helpful.

However, there is a point where really, we’re just going over the same old ground, or telling someone new an old problem. We’re merely expressing existing prejudices & emotions, not making any forward progress at all.

This is point where just shutting the hell up and healing whatever is coming up is much faster and better for all of us.

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    Everything Is Perfect?

    The first time I heard someone say “see everything as perfect” my immediate response was:

    What nonsense.

    Except <cough> rather more bluntly, with four or five swear words and several exclamation points.

    Since then, I’ve given it a bit more thought though, and I’ve realised something.

    Every single reason our minds come up with why things aren’t perfect is something we should be letting go of. It’s a negative picture we’re holding in mind. Something that isn’t helping us.

    It’s typically:

    Of course, if we were truly enlightened, I suspect we’d realise the deep truth that everything is perfect, and interconnected. However, I’m not there yet, so, I can’t say this with any personal, experiential certainty.

    In the meantime, it’s certainly a very good way to bring to the surface anything we’re disapproving of in our lives, stuff we’re pushing against, stuff that is causing us pain.

    Just say (out loud or to yourself) “Everything is Perfect” with as much conviction as you can, and wait to see what disagreeable bile automatically spews forth from the deepest recesses of your mind.

    Once these things are identified (and boy, this approach is effective), then, as usual, it’s relatively straight forward to dig in and clear this junk out permanently.

    Just another handy tool to chuck in your toolkit.

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      Ho’oponopono + EFT

      I’ve written about the Hawaiian art of Ho’oponopono before. And of course, I’ve written about EFT a LOT (understatement of the year).

      However, it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that I thought to use the two tools together.

      A typical problem with EFT is the “what the hell do I say?” problem. Now really, you’re only talking for two main reasons:

      1. To keep yourself focused on the specific feeling you’re trying to clear
      2. To talk around the subject (ie free associate), to help hit all the related details & feelings

      Talking out loud will also tend to make something feel more real, and thus pull up the emotion more powerfully than just talking in your head. But that’s really a secondary benefit.

      Now, when you’re tapping, often you’ll hit a specific point and feel a lot more tension there. Either you’ll feel more energy, or the emotional intensity will increase (eg it’ll upset you more while you’re tapping that point), or you’ll feel a physical clutching or tension in your body.

      Typically, the advice is to keep tapping at that point until the energy clears and you feel peaceful again.

      As I’ve mentioned, tapping while saying “I love you” can be quite powerful here.

      It turns out, when you do hit one of those “tension points”, saying the four Ho’oponopono phrases while still focusing on the feeling, is incredibly powerful. This can be done either out loud or in your mind.

      Those phrases being:

      • I’m sorry
      • Please forgive me
      • Thank you
      • I love you

      So. Tap as per usual (saying whatever the hell feels right at the time). When you hit a point of increased tension/energy/upset, then focus on that feeling, and say the four Ho’oponopono phrases (while continuing to tap on that point) until the energy clears and you feel peaceful. Then just continue tapping around your body as usual.

      Give it a shot, see if it works for you. When I get stuck, I’ve found it an insanely fast way to clear out those blockages. Certainly much MUCH faster than simply tapping by itself.

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