si dawson

experiments in self-improvement

Month: January, 2010

How To End Hate (& its nasty side effects)

Ever heard that saying “What you resist persists”?

Ahh yes.

I’ve noticed a few patterns in my life recently.

In general, I’ve spent the last few years on a bit of a spiritual journey. Clearing out, well, pretty much everything.

The downside to this is, as I’ve got clearer, what remaining crap is there has echoed stronger & more powerfully through my life. Ahh, I wish I’d been told that when I started. Actually, probably best I wasn’t.

The bad news is, there are parts of my life that still suck. Like you wouldn’t believe. Well, ok, I’m human. The good news is, they stand out like nobody’s business. Also, it’s much easier to see when they’re repeating.

So, here I am, looking at my life “Wtf? Didn’t that same crappy situation happen 6mo ago? What’s going on?”

Then, the other day, it hit me.

They’ve all been things I hate.

Now, of course, very early on, I went through all the core ‘negative’ (if there is such a thing) emotions, assessing all the places in my life they affected, healing them etc.

Of course, my life drastically improved. Quelle surprise.

When I looked at hate, I came up blank though. “Huh? I don’t hate anyone.” My Mum brought me up way to well for that nonsense. I’ve gotta say, there have been a few people I probably should (according to society) hate for the roles they’ve played in my life, but I still don’t (thanks Mum).

What I realised lately though is – there’s a lot of things I hate.

Guess what’s recurring?

Situations, behaviours in those around me, limitations, frustrations, ongoing problems.

Yep, no frickin’ surprise.

Hate is resistance.

I’m resisting this nonsense, so of course, I’m just drawing it into me. However you want to explain that (law of attraction, reticular activating system, self sabotage) is largely irrelevant.

The empirical evidence is this: Stuff I hate I just see more of in my life.

The big (& incredibly obvious) lesson? STOP IT.

Ok, so I like to keep things vaguely useful/practical around here. Bob has great advice above, but really, how do you stop hating something?

I’ve shared lots of ways of doing this kind of thing before, so here’s a real simple way that’s been helping me lately:

1. Give the issue a percentage, 0-100% where 0=Hate It, 100%=I’m 100% ok with this thing happening.
2. Ask yourself, can I increase that percentage? Say “Yes”, out loud & as emphatically as possible.

Maybe it’s just my analytical math brain, but that really resonates for me. I typically get a number in my head instantly. Uhh, 20%, or 3%. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. It’s just a starting point.

To work with this, there’s a core realisation. You’re the boss. You, the real You. Not your physical body, not your mind, not even your ego. The large, spiritual you. The essence of you. Your consciousness.

For example, if you decide to stop thinking about something, who makes that decision? You do. Not your brain. Your brain is just the tool. That’s the real you making that decision. The core of your being.

Soooo. Once you realise that you’re the boss, then everything is really just a decision. Including the decision to actually be ok with something you used to hate.

How/Why Does It Work?
1. Saying ‘yes’ puts you in a positive mindframe rather than negative (ie, resistant, hating). Salesmen have known this for eons, of course. Nothing new there.

2. Saying ‘yes’ releases resistance to the issue. Even just accepting it a little can help shift things, open you up & let go of that hate (or secret shame, as is often the case with deep hatred) and thus resistance. Once the floodgates open, voila, you’re on your way.

I know, sounds crazy, but give it a bit of a go, be patient & watch what happens.

Of course, if you feel like using EFT, releasing, reiki, NPA or anything else at the same time, so much the better. Whatever helps.

When you do finally get up to 100% you’ll realise. You just don’t hate it any more, in fact, you couldn’t care less. Know what? You’ll stop seeing it in your life too.

For me, I got a piece of paper, on the left wrote “Things I f’n Hate”, on the right “% Ok with it” then just made a list. Going down, even just saying “YES, I hate …” it’s the craziest thing, but I could feel the hate lifting off & that percentage rising.

Another interesting side effect? All this saying yes. I’ve had inner tension (that my sensei can feel, but is hard for me to pinpoint) for, well, probably my entire life. With this? I can actually feel it easing. Don’t know how, or even what it is, but it’s definitely lifting.

Whoever thought being positive would be beneficial? *grin*


    The No Soap Experiment

    I’m not really a fan of New Year’s resolutions. How many do you end up keeping?

    However, a new year’s experiment – where you try something new, just for January? Ahh, that’s awesome.

    So, a few years back I read a book a day for all of Jan. That was.. entertaining, although I didn’t do much else with my time.

    Then I tried eating no meat for January a couple of years later. That lasted about 3 days, until I realised I’d have to learn how to cook tofu (Eww! No thanks!) whereupon I discovered the raw food diet – no cooking, no tofu? I’m sold! Which was great, and extended out more or less continuously from there.

    This year, based on reading this, & this, I thought I’d try washing with no soap or shampoo for all of January.

    To paraphrase the theory, one reason we smell is because of bacteria on our skin, which is amped up when we strip natural oils etc out using soaps (which also leave a thin film of chemicals on our skin). Skin is something which is vastly underrated, but given that it’s our largest organ, we should probably consider a little more than we tend to.

    There’s also a theory that you should never put anything on your skin that you wouldn’t eat. Since our skin is absorbent, I’ve gotta say, that holds a lot of water for me.

    People that have done the “no soap” thing before say it takes a couple of weeks for your body to adjust. There’s a lot of flushing of toxins, plus your body getting used to not having to constantly replace the oils. After that, things hum along – clean shiny hair, glowing skin, etc etc.

    Personally? I’ve gotta say I’m skeptical. I have some unusual skin. It’s very moist (a dermatologist once showed it to me under a microscope, saying it was the moistest skin she’d ever seen). I also have a hyperactive lifestyle – working out until physical exhaustion (ie, mega sweat+dirt) four times a week, & do occasionally get very slight patches of eczema if I’m under a lot of stress or don’t clean super well. I also find that my pores clog up a little if I miss a patch on my leg, say, when I’m cleaning (particularly after hard exercise).

    These are all very minor things, but I suspect they’ll be exacerbated without soap.

    Up until now I’ve found the best solution is to use a very mild, non perfumed soap. I also do dry skin brushing (when I remember, I’m a bit lazy on that front, I’ll admit), which helps slough off dead skin cells.

    Of course, I’ll still use soap before food prep, after the bathroom, or if (like today) I get myself covered in oil up to the elbows. Best not to be a complete idiot & ignore all that science has discovered in the past 200 years.

    Also, this does NOT mean no washing. Hell no. Just not using soap. I’ll still be scrubbing my body as if I were using soap – so that friction will help clean off dirt etc. I already use a nail brush (without soap) to scrub real tough grime out – eg grass stains on the bottom of my feet after training.

    At present I’m a few days in, and definitely in that “argh” stage. I’m going to up the skin brushing a bit, & have more regular showers to help my skin flush away any crud that’s coming out.

    By the end of January I should have enough data to make a definitive conclusion – for my own body at least. Up to you to figure it out for yourself!