Rewrite Your Past

Memory is notoriously unreliable.

It's a fair bet that most of the memories we have are confused, jumbled, or otherwise incorrect. Certainly not accurate enough to hold up in court — this is, after all, why policemen write down everything at the scene of a crime.

The funny thing is, these are the memories that we torture ourselves with. Regret over things done or not done. Disappointment at other people & ourselves. Perceived failures & missed opportunities.

Even when we're not actively beating ourselves up, those memories are still there in the background, providing (unpleasant) flavour.

If our memories are likely to be wrong (to some degree) anyway, why not at least make them pleasantly wrong? Who's to say they have to be an accurate reflection of the past? Surely what happens in your head is 100% your business?

Of course, changing your memory of your phone number isn't the cleverest thing in the world, but there are plenty of other juicy candidates. How about

  • all those situations where you've been socially confident, the life of the party
  • the successful presentations you've given
  • how popular you were at school
  • all those payraises
  • the deeply loving & supportive relationships
  • the peaceful breakups
  • how effortless it's been for you to meet new people
  • those moments with your parents where you truly understood how much they loved you
  • that long history of high figure sales
  • the times you've stunned those around you with your brilliance & insight

You get the idea! Make your (remembered) life as beautiful, poetic & magical as you like!

joyful_thought.jpg pic by alicepopkorn

It's your brain — own it!

So how to do this? Well, it doesn't have to be any more complicated than finding a quiet spot, remembering back to specific life situations you've had, and imagining them going however-you-want. Keep imagining them until the old memory fades away & the new replaces it (this is very well researched phenomena). If you feel like part of you is struggling with this, you can always tap while you do it, but that's totally up to you.

Your life is nothing but the sum of your memories. Why not start a new life, right now?

Just start with whatever pops in your head. Recreate your memories, making them as awesome as you possibly can. As Orwell famously said "Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past." Well you control the present.

As within, so without.

& here's a little anecdote to whet your appetite. I had a particular situation with a certain person a few years back, where perhaps they didn't give me the recognition or appreciation I would have liked. In the few years since then, they've never really mentioned this, let alone made any kind of big deal about it. Just not in their nature.

So hey, I did the above. Imagined them really understanding how much effort I'd put in to help them.. and showing me. I imagined myself feeling deeply appreciated. Loved. Thanked. It was awesome! *laugh*

Didn't take long. The whole thing? Maybe 5 minutes.

The only difference I could outwardly detect was that I felt more loving towards them. That aside, I promptly forgot about it.

Next day, I'm surfing the web, & what do I find? A couple of paragraphs in a very public location, from them, acknowledging & stating exactly what I'd imagined. Giving me that thanks, that appreciation. Exactly how I (now) remember it going.

Coincidence? Maybe. You decide.

December 19, 2008 | Posted in fun, healing, life |
  • http://www.PureJeevan.com/blog Jim Dee

    Wow. I never would've thought of doing this, but it makes a lot of sense & seems like it could be very powerful — especially in finding a way to release bitterness and other emotions people tend to hold onto. I'm going to bookmark this post & try to use this technique sometime soon. Thanks! –Jim

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Sure thing Jim. That's the thing with neural patterning — it's all just repetition. Think ANY thought enough, and it's going to become entrenched in your brain. Might as well make those patterns positive ones :)

  • Jack M

    Interesting… I was about to add an item to your list that I've been doing with my tourists (I'm a tourguide) when it rains — always take your holiday photos without umbrellas, no matter how hard it's raining. You'll get really wet for about 3 minutes, but for the rest of your life you'll remember the day without remembering the weather. The umbrellas in the photo just emphasises a bad day, which it actually wasn't (other than the weather, I mean). By controlling the present, I let my customers control their future memories of the past.

    The example you gave where the result you imagined suddenly became documented truth — has that happened before? Do you think you will try to repeat it again, in a more controlled environment? I'd love to hear more.

    I was a bit nervous (until I read the result) about the idea of lying to yourself about other people's perceptions of yourself. That could seriously get you into trouble with personal relationships, surely?

    — Jack

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    This is life! There's no controllable environment!! :)

    LOVE, just LOVE your idea with the tourists. Wow, that's so great.

    It's well documented that if you go into a situation believing that everybody loves you (thinks positively of you, etc), things are more likely to go positively. Perhaps it's as simple as autonomic self-suggestion — more relaxed posture, body language resulting in similar reactions from others — perhaps it's a deeper level event occurrence (one harder to track with current scientific understanding).

    Of course, if you 'lie' to yourself about other's perceptions, then you'll treat them better — & thus they'll respond more positively, completing the circle, and making the lie truth. Regardless of the specifics, mostly this stuff just circles in our own brains — so why not make our memories more positive — ditch those mental umbrellas, stop torturing ourselves quite as much, and have happier lives as a result?

    [I'm assuming that these past-adjustments are in the positive, of course. If you want to make your past more miserable, heh, you're on your own]

  • elbaugher

    Well said! Great post! I totally agree with it all. It is as you say it is. If it's NOT as you say it is, then you're confused about just what you're really saying :)

    Namaste!
    EL

  • Bells

    I find this whole concept really strange
    Isn't this in essence, lying? Which is emotionally destructive?
    Why not accept past mistakes/failings and love yourself regardless?
    Perhaps you were a nerd in school, or socially rejected at a party but why let that bare any significant weight on the choices you make TODAY?
    What if you tap or recreate memories to forget the fact that you are in a huge amount of crippling debt? Wouldnt you benefit from remembering this and being proactive about it in the present?
    Why rewrite the past? When confronted with someone who was there and remembers it accurately won't you be awkwardly lying about how things went down?

    The reason that person posted those things about you is because they have maturely accepted them as being accurate and due to perhaps the process of realizing mistakes in past relationships and making a conscious effort to be grateful for the positive and learn from the negative, not because you rewrote how things went down.

    I am not saying this to attack you im truly curious as to how you ultimately think this is healthy or of benefit

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    That sure is a whole lot of questions :)

    Heard of that saying "You are your own worst critic"? Well, altering your memories is one way to stop from beating yourself up so much. There are others — & as you point out, self-acceptance is a good one (although not always easy).

    Since nobody remembers anything perfectly (although most people think they do, hence court record discrepancies), this is just a gentle way of pushing things in a more positive direction.

    If you have debt, that's a physical, external, current issue — not a memory.

    Rewriting your memories is a personal choice, of course. You're uncomfortable with the idea, & that's totally fine. I'm not the boss of you — you are!

    I should note there's no way you could know for sure why anyone wrote anything (unless it's you, which it's not).. but we're all allowed our own theories. I like mine :)

  • Bells

    Thanks for answering various questions honestly and postively.

    I am simply questioning these things because I believe that on your site is about more than just what you are doing, it encourages others to do the same, I am asking if you see it as being similar to simply lying about what has happened, and I pictured a situation arising where someone bases a large portion of their happiness or inner comfort around changing the past, which would be shattered when confronted with the overall reality of it.

    To me it doesn't seem emotionally healthy, but as you said, we're all allowed our own theories and you like yours.

    Thanks for taking the time to respond.

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Hey you're very welcome. Thinking about it a little deeper, I suspect it all comes down to your personal definition of 'reality', viz.

    in other words, answers to questions such as: "Is there 'one true' reality?" (ie, a sole consensual truth), "Do we create our own realities?", "Are we each living in our own universe?", "Do any of us actually exist?", "How is our reality defined/created?", "How much control do we have over our existence(s)?", and so on..

    Deep stuff :)

  • http://www.attractionmindmap.com Evelyn Lim

    Hmmm.…a clear case of attracting the outcomes that are mirrors of your inner thoughts? Good for you!! Thanks for the inspiration!

  • http://www.jsbaxter.com.au John

    Si! This is worth reading, but it's your most recent post, and it's from mid-December. If I'm going to subscribe to your RSS I'll want more action than that!

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    *laugh* just as well I'm doing it for love, not money then, eh?

    Plenty of older posts to wade through. Lots of good stuff there too.

  • daxmichaels

    And if the memories of your past schools, etc are just to damn depressing, why not say you went somewhere else to school! It is better than thinking of the waste your (real) high school was! You can be whatever you want to be; so why not be who and what you really want to be!!!
    Why not rewrite your past? It is no one's business but your own!
    Pretend its Carnival in Rio 24–7-365.

  • daxmichaels

    ALSO THIS IS NOT LYING!
    What is the truth and what is a lie all depends on your point of reference!
    I.e. I had a grammar school teacher who claimed that the A-bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki saved millions of lives! His reality was based on a supposed outcome had the bombs not been dropped that the war would have continued and more American lives would have been lost (as well as Japanese). However, the true reality was an image of Burning men women and babies whose only fault was that they were Japanese.

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Exactly.

    "What is Truth" is one of the big philosophical questions of all time.

    And on a simple, practical level, what we repeatedly tell ourselves gradually becomes reality anyway. Want to be awesome? Tell yourself (& act as if) that you already are, and voila! You will be.

  • http://twitter.com/EffortlessV Lauren Lionheart

    Hi Si, this is my first visit to your blog. I found you Googling for this exact idea: rewriting one's past. I totally resonate with your experiences. I've found much healing doing this. I'm a writer, and one day it hit me that I could be writing about "alternate realities" where my most lamentable experiences are more loving. So I'll let my mind drift to a topic that I'm upset about in some way — a victim mentality I'm hanging onto — and rewrite that time in my personal history.

    My experiences have been similar to yours. Often times the noticeable result is simply my having a more loving attitude toward the person/situation. (Which, of course, yields big results on its own!) Other times, my interactions with people become markedly more peaceful. Perpetually argumentative family members are suddenly ready and able to have loving conversations. It's like flippin' magic. So I keep at it.

    My understanding and experience is that there are indeed an infinite number of realities that coexist. I think of this "rewriting" as bridging the gap between them. There are realities out there where heart-centered living is default. I experience my rewriting sessions as bringing that energy into this reality. Letting more light shine in…

    Much love and encouragement to all of you who are rewriting your stories and experiencing healing. Thank you Si, for writing about this. Such a powerful topic!

    Peace,

    Lauren

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Hi LaurenWow, great comment. I really like your idea of bringing those heart centred realities into this one.On a similar vein (& something that really got me thinking about this stuff) is The Tenth Dimension. Particularly when he talks about travelling between the 5th & 6th dimensions.. that's exactly what you're describing.I like it, I like it a lot.On the love note, the more I grow & learn, the more I realise that really, everything comes down to love. The more we can put ourselves in a position of clear, unconditional love, the better everything goes. It is, of course, a practice.

  • Anonymous

    I love this. Have stumbled on it and have used it in my blog The Real Does not Efface Itself http://alex-therealdoesnoteffaceitself.blogspot.com.
    Thanks!

  • Parchipexx

    I found this post about six months ago and it has helped me so much since then. Thank you so much for writing this! This exercise has brought me the peace of mind I've been craving. By thinking about an alternate ending to the way things happened, it gives my brain something to "chew on" instead of constantly ruminating on the same old depressing crap.

    I think it's also interesting that most of the stuff that hurts us the most are things other people aren't even aware of. Therefore it's incredibly easy to seamlessly rewrite everything. I now even use this to "plan" future events and how I'd like them to go. It's a bit like writing a script for a TV show or movie. :)

    Also, the part you mentioned about finding the nice things that person wrote about you, after imagining it as already happened, is incredible. I believe it is the Law of Attraction in action. I've already received things that are symbols of my "new" past (if that makes sense), or things that help make up for it. Life is fun again. :)

    Sorry for such a long comment. I just wanted to share my profound appreciation for you writing this article. Like one of the people below me, I found it when I google "rewriting the past." I'm a writer too, so I often write out the new scenario to help it stick in my head.

    I am a much happier person these days! Thanks again. :)

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Wow. I cannot explain how happy this makes me. I'm SO pleased it's added value to your life — and that you're in a much better place because of it. That's simply brilliant!

    Sounds like you're finding lots of neat ways of personalising the approach too, which is just great. Always, always a case of find what works for you, & throw the rest out. Inspiring to hear.

  • Anonymous

    Yea my mother is actually a pro at this technique. Too bad us kids weren't! Every time she re-wrote her memories about her own past she conveniently left out how she was a perpetual abuse victim. She is perfectly happy and can't understand why all her kids are so traumatized by the abuse WE ALSO WERE SUBJECT TO. She just doesn't understand why we didn't learn to "focus on the good things". 
    This kind of thinking is a great way to keep the cycle going. 

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    I'm sorry to hear that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Philippa-Mercieca/568369135 Philippa Mercieca

    It can go that way…and dishonest abusers will use dirty tactics to deny their bad behavior. If it can work for a person in a healing context though, then what is the damage there? As long as you honestly acknowledge prior to that what actually happened, and process the emotions, and memories and THEN rewrite the past to suit yourself, it can help to create better feelings around those things which your mother obviously isn't decent enough or courageous enough to admit to. Make it work for you is what this person is saying I think.

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

     Absolutely. You summed it up far more articulately than I was able. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Philippa-Mercieca/568369135 Philippa Mercieca

    I just tried this technique around two old memories, and it really helped me to feel loved and relief, where previously that hadn't been there. I wrote the new version down like a diary entry, and found that helped me better than just visualizing it did. I have trouble with visualizing sometimes, but words are much more concrete for me, and helped ot create those good feelings. So thankyou.

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

     Oh wow, that is just wonderful!

    And yep, I'm exactly the same. There's something about writing something down that just makes it REAL, in a way that visualising or thinking about it really doesn't.

    Man, I'm just so glad it's helping you. That's wonderful.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Philippa-Mercieca/568369135 Philippa Mercieca

    It's helped a LOT. I've had such trouble letting go of this stuff, I can hardly believe how good I feel right now. I'm forever grateful Si.

    I can't wait to work on the other stuff. I was wondering though…does it matter if it's all in order as in, on your personal time frame from birth to the present moment?

    I usually work best with random, sporadic memories that come up in no particular order, and so far it's worked with me, so I guess I just answered my own question(:

  • http://sidawson.org Si Dawson

    Heh, yes, you're absolutely correct, you have.

    Personally, I just start at the top of the pile — whatever is bugging you most, at any point in time.. then just work your way down. Makes the most sense, intuitively.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Philippa-Mercieca/568369135 Philippa Mercieca

    I think so too. Thanks again. Great work by the way with this blog. I'm glad I found it.