How To Stop Being A Victim And Regain Your Power
Being a victim means feeling that something or someone outside ourselves controls some part of our lives. Put simply, we lose connection with the fact that we create every single aspect of our existence. Often it may be difficult at the time to see how or why, but we do.
Of course, this can be a very hard concept to accept as truth. However, in order to get out of being a victim, it’s helpful to just go with this for the moment.
(Yes, this is a very confrontational post. Bear with me.)
Basically, every step we can take towards having complete power over our lives is one step away from being a victim (where we have none).
Regarding any specific situation, it’s critical to remember:
- It’s already happened. We can’t change the past. So, the best thing we can do is accept what’s happened, and let it go. Ie, get peaceful about it.
- For better or worse, the myriad of tiny decisions you made up until that point is why you were there. ie, you put yourself there. Often it’s impossible to see the exact chain of cause-and-effect, but you created that situation, if nothing else then just by being present (athough there’s always a lot more going on than just that).
- Accepting the past does not mean choosing to create the same situation in the future
Remember, this isn’t about blaming yourself, this is about accepting the past & letting it go. It’s also about realising the true power we have. Once we accept the past, we can move on and make better decisions in the future. Have better beliefs and self-image. Create a better existence.
How to drop victimhood
Think about something terrible that’s happened to you. Just start with whatever pops in your head.
Then say (as always, preferably out loud if possible):
- (describe the situation)
- I created this (or to save time, just “I created [describe situation]”)
- I accept it.
- I accept myself.
- I love you Si (or your name, if you’re not called Si).
As you’re doing this, you may feel a lot of energy come up. It’s very likely that part of you will be screaming as loudly as it possibly can “NO NO NO, I DID NOT, I WILL NOT. I DON‘T.” This is completely normal — and in fact, why we’re doing this — to bring all that resistance to the surface & let it out, harmlessly and safely.
You may feel tension or clutching in your body, shortness of breath, etc. Just let it all go. Relax that part of your body and let all the energy out. Keep cycling through the above four statements until you feel completely at peace about the issue.
- If it’s hard to say “I accept it” (which, oh boy, is understandable), try “I choose to accept it.” Again, this reasserts your power.
- If it feels like there’s still some ickiness around the subject, try amping the statements up:
- I accept all of this
- I accept every part of this
- I accept myself completely
- I love you anyway
(you get the idea)
Basically, just say these variations & let go (ie, accept) everything that comes up, until you feel super calm. Estimated time per subject? Oh, typically less than 20 seconds.
What do I feel a victim about?
Where to start? Here are some suggestions:
- Any feelings of inadequacy towards your parents
- Any situations where you felt “not good enough”
- Any situations where you compared unfavourably to friends
- Any strongly negative judgements (eg, feeling like a loser, a failure, etc — any of those deep dark criticisms)
- Big life mistakes (particularly those around relationships, or money)
- Traumatic events where you felt you had no power or control
- Anything you want to change about your life
Basically, any memory you have that you hate the hell out of; makes you feel crappy every time you think of it; you wish were different. Just go with whatever pops in your head, your intuition will guide you.
It’s ok to address multiple aspects of a given relationship separately. Some people have very major (read: traumatic) roles in our lives, often spanning decades.
The whole intent here is to simply accept the past for what it is — done & dusted. The peace this brings is incredibly freeing. It also has the benefit of stopping you continuing to create these things in your life.
Why? Well have you ever noticed how we tend to cycle — have the same crappy things happen to us, until we finally learn our lesson? Yes, well this is one powerful way of breaking those cycles. Think about it, when you learn a lesson, you relax & accept it, right? So think of this as a shortcut. This is how you unwind karma and free yourself from those patterns.
When you’re truly peaceful about something that’s happened, you’re also truly free — you can choose to create it again, or create something completely new. You don’t have emotional detritus pulling at you. You regain your true power. You stop feeling like a victim.
The other thing to realise is — even though we may not be consciously aware of it, our subconscious is constantly churning over all this noise. The amount of peace we bring ourselves by pulling all this junk to the surface, accepting it & finally letting it go… well, you’ll just have to try it for yourself. Words really cannot do this justice.
Finally, with big issues it’s often helpful (and easier) to take smaller steps. Acceptance is one such super useful step towards fully loving every aspect of your life.