Loving More Closely
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about love. Like, a lot a lot a lottttttttt.
Love in the sense of the active unconditional verb, not the passive romantic version we’re constantly fed by media.
As I get deeper into this journey, I’m realising there’s degrees and depths to which we can love.
I’ve learned a bit just by watching my own journey, especially since (intellectually) I realise where I’m going to end up – so I know roughly where I’m headed. More on that in a bit.
I’ve talked in the past about “loving to hate” something. It’s a reasonable starting point, particularly if we’re really struggling with an issue.
For a long time I talked about saying “I love you“ to things, as a way of helping us release our energy around a topic (trauma, event, others). I’ve recommended this really. Quite. Often. (ETC. lol)
To jump ahead a little, where will this end? Well, reading things written by genuinely enlightened souls, there is a common thread of the interconnectedness of all things. Feeling one with the universe, and so on. Now, ha ha, I’m definitely not there yet, but knowing where we’re heading gives us a better sense of direction.
In terms of being loving, surely the less distance between us and the thing we’re loving is going to be better? Ultimately we’ll feel completely one with it, but in the meantime, the closer we can get, the more effective our tools. This is both in terms of how healing that loving will be (for us – traumas, events) and the effect on whomever it is we’re loving (for them – others).
- “loving the hate” is pretty distant.
- Saying “I love you” is definitely better – although there’s still a subtle element of separation going on there – the difference between “me” and “you”.
A while back I started instinctively saying “I love that” to things that occurred around me. By “things”, read “things that pissed off or upset me” (ha ha).
That was definitely an improvement (in terms of effectiveness) on saying “I love you” – but notice how there’s still a little keeping ourselves separate. “That” is not “us”. It’s still something other.
From here, I’ve since transitioned into saying “I love this.”
If you think about anything “less than fun” in your life, notice how confrontational it is to say “I love this”. Our brains will instantaneously start screaming how of course we don’t love it, yadda yadda yadda.
Well kids, that’s kind of the point here.
Remember, one big reason we’re choosing to love is to regain control over our brains. We’re not our minds. We’re the boss here. It’s just our automatic thoughts, our egos that like to keep us anxious, worried, stressed. Since we’re the boss, we can (permanently) change those thoughts.
So, by consciously saying “I love this” – we’re intentionally bringing all that internal noise to the surface, where, of course, we can simply let it go.
We’re regaining control over our minds.
Notice also that “I love this” is much more connective. It’s less “us” and “them”, it’s more “we”. It’s more inclusive. It’s much closer to that end goal of realising the interconnectedness of all things.
This is, of course, one reason that saying it makes our brains scream in terror. Our minds, our egos like to keep us separate. It’s easier to keep us fearful that way. It’s easier to keep us feeling out of control. Suffering. Which is a good hint that anything that helps remove that separation is probably good for us.
Anyway. I don’t have much more to add. This is just another tool. Feel free to give it a bash, see if it resonates and if it’s as helpful for you as it has been for me.