si dawson

experiments in self-improvement

Category: healing

October 11, 2011

The Subtlety of Posture

I’ve talked about posture before and how strongly our mind & body are connected. How if we’re feeling crappy, we can adjust ourselves physically and our mind will follow. We can do this just with our face (in the west, often the most outwardly expressive part of us) or with our entire bodies.

What I’ve learned recently is just how subtle this body/mind interaction is.

After 20 odd years of Aikido, this shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did.

In Aikido, we often sit in seiza. Basically, you kneel with your knees apart, your bum on your heels, back arched and head up.

This posture is well known across the universe.

Here’s Spock doing it

(From this excellent site on Vulcan meditation. Ha ha, you think I’m kidding. Oh Internet, you have everything!)

The most important part of all this? The arched back. (Spock does it well)

 

If you prefer more beard, here’s how it looks from the front:

Long white beard is optional. Grass, preferred. Katana, mandatory.

 

The basic Aikido pin looks like this:

Shake my hand would you, fool?

 

No, wait, like this:

No! You sit over *there*!

 

 

Ok ok, I’m joking around. It’s actually like this:

See? There’s that seiza again. And you thought we’d just been sitting like that coz we hated legs.

(a few minor corrections – most importantly knees apart will drop her centre more, but that’s actually pretty good)

Now here’s where the arched back comes in.

When you’re on the receiving end (i.e. face down, eating grass) if the person doing the pins arches their back or not makes the difference between:

“Someone’s leaning on my arm”

and

“My entire being is pinned to the centre of the earth by a large truck”

What’s even more interesting is that when it’s done correctly, zero effort is expended, and the person is not just squashing you as hard as they can – that’s actually a weaker pin.

Now, out of the dojo, and back to real life.

Here’s what I’ve noticed: When I’m healing, or hell, doing anything sitting down, if I sit just that little bit straighter, and yes, arch my back, everything goes much better and becomes extraordinarily easier.

Stuff that might have been tricky to drop or heal falls away instantly.

I feel more in control of my code, my writing, my life. Things become… possible.

Everything.

The only thing I’m changing is maybe pushing my butt further back on the chair, and arching my back, very, very slightly. Of course, this pushes one’s shoulders back and also tends to raise the head slightly – but really, it’s just a little back arch.

Such a subtle shift, such huge effect.

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    October 1, 2011

    Why it seems the crap is never ending

    When you first start on a growing or healing journey (aka life), everything seems amazing. Gigantic problems fall away with ease, life gets better, people notice the change in you and for a while it seems like all your worries are gone.

    After a while though you may start to notice, there’s always more crap.

    What’s going on?

    It’s easy to get discouraged, feel that whatever you’re using “doesn’t work like it used to”, or even convince yourself that it never worked in the first place (I’ve seen this a lot).

    What’s really happening though?

    Well, there’s a couple of things.

    First of all, our problems expand to fill our horizon.

    We have this thing called our Ego (aka the nasty little voice inside), that thrives on misery. So, however big our problems are in reality, if we’re not fully present they can seem to fill our universe.

    I used to live with a girl. Not very smart, but lovely. I would come home from work and she’d be worked up into a tizzy, almost in tears. It took a while before I eventually figured out what she was so upset about.

    Shortland Street. The New Zealand soap opera. “Something terrible” had happened on the show.

    The first couple of times this happened I couldn’t believe it. Eventually I realised, this girl was serious. To her, this was a very real crisis. To her, this was reality and yes, it filled her horizon.

    Important lesson there too: Always respect someone else’s pain. (One I’ve mostly learned, although I do still slip up from time to time in my enthusiasm to help people).

    The second thing to realise is that as we heal more and more of our lives, we go through stages:

    1. You work backwards through time, dealing with earlier & earlier events in your life (and past lives, if you’re into that)
    2. You heal more and more subtle issues. You may have started with major life traumas, but the next thing you know you’re letting go of anger when you knock your coffee over (it’s still non-loving, so you might as well chuck it out, right?)
    3. You deal with higher and higher emotions (aka moving up the vibrational scale). Abraham Hicks have their emotional guidance scale. The releasing guys talk about AGFLAP-CAP – Apathy, Grief, Fear, Lust, Anger, Pride, Courageousness, Acceptance, Peace. It’s all the same. You start by healing the lower, duller emotions, then work you way through the higher ones.

    These three sequences are all happening more or less at the same time. So, there’s always new ways to look at things, always room to improve.

    Compounding this, our roguish ego often makes every step seem enormous.

    A good example is relationships:

    • First you realise that it’s not ok for them to beat you
    • Then that it’s not ok for them to cheat on you
    • Then that it’s not ok for them to shout at you
    • Then that it’s not ok for them to emotionally abuse you
    • Then that it’s not ok for them to disrespect, dismiss, be condescending to you
    • Then that it’s ok to have someone who supports you
    • Then that it’s ok to have someone who loves you as much as you love them
    • Then that it’s ok to have someone who works at the relationship as much as you do
    • Then that it’s ok to have a loving, peaceful relationship
    • Then that it’s ok to be perfectly happy & growing together

    (there may be more, but this is about as far as I can see right now)

    At each stage, the thought of accepting something earlier would seem utterly ridiculous. If you’re at the point where you will only accept a relationship where you’re supported, the thought of being with someone who is physically abusive is ludicrous.

    At that point however (looking further down the list) the thought of being with someone you can be happy with all the time may seem like a pipe dream. Mr (or Ms) Perfect.

    Transitioning from each stage to the next can be a major life revelation – a huge jump forward in your personal growth.

    As you grow, heal and mature, you do move further down the list though, until eventually (hopefully) those later things will all seem reasonable, normal and expected.

    Sadly it often takes several major relationships, maybe a marriage or two, before we see these things clearly. C’est la vie. This is how we learn. Bad choices lead to experience leads to good choices.

    Still, we’re all on our own paths and everyone learns at their own pace. If I was a faster learner, I wouldn’t be over here talking to you. Why, I’d be over *there* talking to you (and it’s so much greener too).

    To see clarity along the way, keeping a journal is helpful. As is talking to old friends, or family – to remind ourselves how far we’ve come.

    The important thing is to remember it’s a journey. Everything you learn, heal and let go of is improving your life. No matter how troubling things seem today, it’s so much better than it used to be, and best of all, it’s going to be even better tomorrow.

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      July 17, 2011

      A Night Of Bad Dreams

      I had a bunch of bad dreams last night. This is very rare for me. Typically these days I might get a single mildly bad dream maybe once or twice a month, if that.

      But first let me wind back a bit.

      A few days ago I hung out with a friend of mine. This is someone I’ve known for a decade or longer, so there’s a lot of history there. Mostly pretty good, but some very dark times too. This guy has very strong energy. Historically, he’s affected me enormously.

      Now, he’s going through some shit at the moment (aren’t we all?) The catch is, within about 15 minutes of hanging out with him, I could feel his energy making me feel, quite literally, physically ill.

      Ok, so that’s not good. What to do, what to do?

      I tried putting up separation roses, to energetically divide us. They didn’t stick. Maybe we just have too much history, we’re too strongly connected. Maybe he’s just too energetically grasping. I don’t know.

      I could feel giant clumps of dark energy coming off him and coming towards me, as he was describing the various troubles in his life. Nothing I tried was helping, and things were quickly spiralling downwards.

      Interesting situation.

      Then I settled on the simplest possible solution.

      I focused on the clump of darkness, and simply said “I love you.”

      Yep, just that.

      The super cool thing was, the darkness immediately dissipated. My feeling of sickness left, and (very interesting) he perked up and started talking about something else altogether.

      For the rest of our time together, every time I felt negatively affected, or could sense dark globs of whatever appearing, I’d just address them, say “I love you” and watch them disappear again.

      Very. Interesting.

      Now, in Ho’oponopono (A Hawaiian healing technique), you cycle through four phrases:

      1. I love you
      2. I’m sorry
      3. Please forgive me
      4. Thank you

      But I’m starting to suspect, if there was one single prayer to say for the rest of your life, it should be “I love you.” The single most powerful thing you can say in any situation.

      Since then I have (of course, you know me!) been doing the exact same thing to anything that’s appeared – in myself, or those around me. Said “I love you” to it (in my mind) and let it go.

      So, to last night.

      pic by Cesar T Sanchez

      Ever since I started tapping out nightmares, the frequency with which I’ve experienced bad dreams has dropped precipitously. They’ve just stopped happening.

      So last night was pretty interesting. I had 10, maybe 15 distinct bad dreams in a row.

      Why? Who knows (and really, who cares?) Maybe I just unblocked something big enough that it was time to wash a bunch of related remnants out of me. It really doesn’t matter too much.

      Anyway, in each of these dreams, I settled back, said “I love you” to whatever was happening, and the dream disappeared. Sometimes I needed to repeat it a few times, but every single time the dream would dissolve, along with whatever it was that had been bothering me.

      Best of all? I woke up feeling like a million bucks. Now that is a first after a night of bad dreams.

      “I love you” – said calmly and with intention – it’s continuing to amaze me just how powerful that phrase really is.

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        July 16, 2011

        Three high states, three lists

        There are three super high states of being: Courageousness, Acceptance and Peace.

        I first talked about them here.

        These may not be the utterly highest states possible (how much bullshit wankery do we want to get into, really), but they’re damn good to aim for.

        Acceptance is a higher state than Courageousness. Peace is the highest.

        Courageousness

        Is described as “The willingness to move out without fear or hesitation – to do – to correct – to change wherever needed. The willingness to let go – to move on.”

        You can super easily get yourself into this state by just repeatedly & forcefully saying “yes.” It truly is that simple. Of course, getting into a strong, powerful posture also helps

        Acceptance

        “No need to change anything. No judgements of good or bad. It just is and it’s OK. It is beautiful as it is. I have and enjoy everything as it is.”

        This is the “It is what it is” state.

        Peace

        Summed up by “I am – I am whole, complete, total unto my Self. Everyone and Everything is part of my Self. It is all perfect.”

        A much argued over term that encapsulates this is enlightenment. We’ve dropped all our crap, or at least  we’re holding a steady state where remaining crap continues to drop effortlessly.

        Now, there are three lists that describe each of these states.

        The Courageousness List

        Adventurous. Alert. Alive. Assured. Aware. Centred. Certain. Cheerful. Clear. Compassionate. Competent. Confident. Creative. Daring. Decisive. Dynamic. Eager. Enthusiastic. Exhilarated. Exploring. Flexible. Focused. Giving. Happy. Honourable. Humorous. I Can. Independent. Initiating. Integrity. Invincible. Loving. Lucid. Motivated. Non-resistant. Open. Optimistic. Perspective. Positive. Purposeful. Receptive. Resilient. Resourceful. Responsive. Secure. Self-sufficient. Sharp. Spontaneous. Strong. Supportive. Tireless. Vigorous. Visionary. Willing. Zesty

        The Acceptance List

        Abundance. Appreciative. Balanced. Beautiful. Belonging. Childlike. Compassionate. Considerate. Delighted. Elated. Embracing. Empathetic. Enriched. Everything’s Okay. Friendly. Fullness. Gentle. Gracious. Harmonious. Harmony. Intuitive. In Tune. Joyful. Loving. Magnanimous. Mellow. Naturalness. Nothing to change. Open. Playful. Radiant. Receptive. Soft. Tender. Understanding. Warm. Well-being. Wonder

        The Peace List

        Ageless. Awareness. Beingness. Boundless. Calm. Centred. Complete. Connected. Eternal. Free. Fulfilled. Glowing. Light. Oneness. Perfection. Pure. Quiet. Serenity. Space. Still. Timeless. Tranquillity. Unlimited. Whole

        WHAT TO DO WITH THESE LISTS

        How can you use these lists, to help propel you into those states of being?

        You can simply say any of the phrases below, while focusing on each word in turn. I’ve used all of these phrases (and other variants), depending on my mood at the time, and found them all to be super helpful.

        • I am that I am [emotion]. I release and let go of all disapproval. I approve of you Si. I love you.
        • I am that I am [emotion]. I drop all disapproval. I approve of you Si. I love you.
        • I am that I am [emotion] yes! I drop all disapproval. I approve of you Si. I love you.
        • I love that I am [emotion] (my personal favourite)

        (replace with your own name, obviously)

        Feel free to tweak the words till they resonate most strongly for you. Your own intuition is always the best guide.

        After you say each phrase, feel the emotion, and picture it in your head. This helps connect you to it more strongly, and drop any opposing resistance.

        Generally it’s good to do courageousness in the morning, acceptance in the middle of the day, and peace at night. It breaks it up so they’re not overwhelming, but also gets you back into a high state for more of the day.

        Yep, the first time you go through the lists, they take forever (well, ok, maybe 40 minutes). They’re worth persisting with, it gets much faster as you get the hang of it – down to maybe 10 minutes.

        I’ve also found tapping while doing it helps (either full tapping, or just on your fingers). Oh, and going through the video shown here, one emotion per point (as you like). That way the whole list only takes 8 minutes – super quick.

        I’d recommend doing this for a few weeks. I went through the lists daily for a coupla months (not perfectly of course, I missed lists all the time, as life got variously crazy).

        I can look back and see these lists providing a phenomenal amount of momentum. Clearing lifetimes of junk out, and getting me in a really high, very consistent state of being.

        I also noticed – days when I missed my morning list were always, somehow, much worse than days when I didn’t. Even if I only managed to do the first list, it would always get me into a (surprise!) courageous state of being, where I could get up, get out & kick serious ass in the world.

        Kickin’ ass. It’s recommended, encouraged even.

        [edit, Mar 2012: After almost nine months of doing these lists every day, here’s what I’ve settled on – it’s super fast, and clears deeply.

        Tap your karate chop point (side of hand), and say “I love that I’m not [emotion].” If an obvious negation pops into your head – eg emotion=secure, negation=insecure – then use that, otherwise just “not [whatever]” is fine. If you get a resonance on it, keep tapping, saying & releasing whatever comes up. Then, when the negative side is clear, tap & say the positive “I love that I am [emotion].”

        It’s also more powerful if you’re sitting up, rather than, say, lying in bed being lazy.

        This is stupidly fast (< 5 mins) and clears very deeply.]

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          June 26, 2011

          Bad Morning

          This morning I woke up feeling bad.

          How bad? Really bad. The worst I’ve felt in… months?

          Kinda like this:


          (Years back I used to sing this to myself every day at work… but that’s a whole other story)

          In fact, I distinctly remember thinking “God, I feel so crap even a blowjob wouldn’t cheer me up today.”

          Which is pretty damn bad.

          I have no idea why I felt so bad. I hadn’t had a bad dream. Best guess was that I’d eaten too much licorice the night before and was suffering an extreme sugar crash. But, you know, if you don’t know immediately, trying to figure out never helps (your brain just gets all tied up in knots).

          I noticed my brain was just circling. Thoughts like “Holy fuckballs I’m in a shitastic mood” kept echoing in my head.

          So, what to do?

          1. First, I made a choice to think about something else, other than how bad I was feeling (repeating the same negative thought only makes you feel shitty. Changing that thought also reiterated that I’m the boss of my thoughts, not the other way around)
          2. I consciously decided to be ok with the crappy mood (not beat myself up about it).
          3. I asked myself “Could I choose to be 100% happy, even if was feeling crappy?” (pro tip, the answer is always “Yes”. This didn’t shift things completely, but it sure as hell helped. More on this later)
          4. I ate, took multivitams and omega 3’s (to stabilise my blood sugar)
          5. I hid the licorice in the cupboard (take immediate, concrete action to remove negative influences from your environment)
          6. I noticed & relaxed tension in my face (simple, but definitely helped me relax)
          7. I emailed a friend for encouragement (Create an emotional support network. Help them. Let them help you)
          8. I did a mindmap on whatever came to mind (nothing like a sugar crash to get you questioning the core of your existence). A little tapping, a little releasing.
          9. I did some tapping on one of my CAP lists (always ensures I have a better day. More on those here)
          10. I went to aikido (exercise, socialising with people I love, doing something I enjoy)
          11. I rolled around on the grass with those beautiful trees (connection to nature)
          12. I listened to loud, upbeat music (music has a strong effect on mood)
          13. I basked in the sunshine, feeling warm concrete through my socks & the sun on my face (vitamin d elevates mood)

          What helped? Maybe all of it. Maybe none of it. Maybe it’s all bullshit. It doesn’t really matter. I’m a huge fan of – if you have a problem, throw every possible solution at it. There’s a million things you can try. Just do what feels right at the time. Trust your intuition.

          After that, I listened to this:

          And you know what? It felt pretty true.

          I’m slowly learning, this journey isn’t about being perfect. It’s just about the highs slowly getting higher and more common. It’s about when the lows do hit, how quickly you pull out of them. Over time, it gets faster & faster.

          Not perfect; just more perfect, more often.

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