It’s no surprise that our mind affects our body – how else would we lift our arms or smile? What’s more interesting is that the reverse is also true. Our body affects our mind.
As I said, I’m possibly the worst poker player in the world. Why? Because pretty much every thought or feeling I have is reflected in my face. I’m ok with this. I figure bluffing in poker is basically lying, & I’m ok with not developing lying as a core skill. It’s a personal choice.
I’ve recently started paying more attention to what the muscles in my face are doing. If I relax a muscle in my face, I’m also forcing myself to let go of the thought or feeling that’s causing it. What’s most interesting is that most of the time I’m not even aware of what that thought or feeling even is. What I’m actually releasing is deep, subconscious tension.
The simple act of incrementally relaxing all the muscles in my face relaxes my entire being. It helps me drop all thoughts and feelings.
If this sounds familiar it should, this is what “being in the moment” is all about. No thoughts, no feelings, just awareness.
Obviously there will be other thoughts & emotions we hold in other places in our body – but once your face is completely relaxed, noticing tension in other places (our scalp, back, shoulders etc) is relatively easy – those muscles are much bigger, after all. It’s not an accident that noticing & relaxing specific muscles is one of the core activities within Yoga.
pic by chocosaur
It’s such a simple thing, but the act of paying attention to & consciously letting go of facial tension is the simplest & fastest way I’ve found of assessing & improving my deep levels of pure, present beingness.
I have another theory that doing this will also reduce my wrinkles.. but I’ll have to get back to you on that.
Releasing is a pretty straight forward concept: simply “let go” of any thoughts/feelings/problems you might have – just like dropping a handful of dirt to the floor.
There are many releasing techniques available. They’re relatively similar though, so I’ll discuss the two key ones I’ve found so far.
If you’re interested, both of these stem from discoveries made by a guy called Lester Levenson about 40 years ago. Anything he’s written is worth reading, & there are many great videos of him on YouTube.
This is a relatively brain-centred approach. You ask the following question about any issue X.
Can you let go of X?
Will you let go of X?
When?
And, well, that’s it. I’ve met several people for whom this technique works incredibly well. For me, if something is really bothering me, I can find it hard to detach emotionally enough to answer the questions clearly.
I do like the gradual loosening of your attachment to the issue, along with the final “When” question. The implication being, of course, that if you can, and will, why not just let go of it now? A lot of times it’s just never occurs that we’re the ones in control, & that we always have a choice about whether or not we focus on or attach to something.
This is more of a feeling based, rather than mind based approach (ie kinaesthetic, not intellectual):
Become aware of the feeling
Feel the feeling
Identify the feeling
Relax into the feeling
Release the feeling
By identify, I don’t think they mean “oh, that’s the pain from being sworn at by my sister when I was 3” (although you may get those kinds of realisations), rather “oh, it’s just below my bottom rib, about an inch in.”
This method is more or less what I’ve found useful to do, except I just instinctively stay relaxed, and aware/feel/identify all kinda blend into one smooth “oh, I have a dark blue pain about there” sort of understanding.
It’s also helpful that you don’t need to even know what the feeling is about. It’s just an ‘it’, so you just let ‘it’ go. A lot of times our subconscious will protect us by hiding certain details from our conscious mind.
The release technique guys have a couple of other variants too:
1. Take each feeling/issue/thought back to its underlying core: Is it an issue about wanting (or lacking) control, safety or approval/love. Once you know then let go of that wanting/lacking control, safety or approval.
This is super helpful since letting go of wanting (say) approval in one area of your life, you then let go of a little bit of it from every area of your life, so your entire life benefits.
2. Instead of pushing the bad feeling etc down, by saying ‘no’ to it, or avoiding it.. do the opposite! Say yes to it, welcome the bad feeling/thought up, then just let it go as it comes up.
3. If things are crazily overwhelming, just say “not so bad” to the issue, letting it go as you do. This is surprisingly effective at detaching & releasing things.
Of course, this is just a brief overview. There are subtleties to both these variants. The important thing is to find one approach that resonates and works well for you.
amazing pic by just k
How to find a feeling (if it hasn’t already popped up)
First, calm yourself down (repeating “not so bad” helps a lot). Try to sit or stand still, and take 3 regular breaths without thinking anything at all.
Next, look downwards (which triggers the kinaesthetic part of the brain & helps you focus on physical feelings). I also find it helpful to tap the karate chop point (ie, the side of your hand between little finger & wrist) with the fingers of the other hand. This helps “tune you in”.
Finally, say 3-4 times (for example) “Wanting approval from Pepe”. If this is an issue for you, you will often feel unexpected feelings arising. They could be sharp pains in odd places in your body, or a rushing sensation, or, as happened when I did the Vipassana course and was very calm/aware, you’ll feel like your head is on fire and your eyeballs are going to explode. Hehe.
The important thing is – it’s just a sensation. Don’t become attached to it. Don’t react to it. It’ll pass if you let it go, as all sensations do. The less you react to it, the easier the letting go is. Just try to locate the feeling internally, as accurately as you can. If you don’t feel something no matter what you try, either it’s not a problem for you, or just keep practising. Like all things, the more you do it, the better you’ll get and the more subtle the feelings you’ll be able to detect.
The great thing about this is you can then systematically clear every aspect of your life, without having to actually be in that situation. Anything you think you might have an issue with you can think about, feel, bring to the surface & let go.
A great starting point is to look for wanting (or lacking) approval, control, or safety, in any situation or towards every person in your life.
How To Let Go
As well as the Sedona/Releasing approaches above, here are the other methods I’ve tried:
Imagining myself detaching from the feeling/problem, and it floating off
Imagine a tube coming out of your chest or stomach (wherever the feeling is located), & the feeling sucking out into it
Turning my grounding tube into a vacuum and letting that help me remove it
Creating a rose (neutral object), grounding that, then sending the feeling/problem to that
Imagining the feeling/problem in my hand, and dropping it
Creating a rose around the feeling, sending it out over nearby water, and blowing it up
For a while I struggled a bit with “letting go”, or “releasing”. A big part of this is, of course, just my brain/ego making things more difficult (after all, our ego feeds on this kind of nonsense). The whole thing, as with life, is only as drawn out & complicated as I choose to make it.
It’s really just about practice though. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. After a while, you stop needing any kind of visual imagery, it just becomes “something you do”, as simple & easy as dropping something to the floor.
pic by kyle muraca
What it’s all about
Given that the mind and body are intrinsically linked, what I’m starting to realise is that by paying close attention to my body, what I’m actually releasing aren’t necessarily physical issues at all. They’re negative thoughts, behaviours, patterns, reactions. These pains that appear and disappear are my body/mind trying to communicate with me, in the best way it knows how – through feeling.
The great thing about this is you really don’t have to rationalise anything or figure out what any underlying cause is. Just being in a situation, feeling the feelings and releasing them will automatically clear out massive amounts of junk. From my own experience, just going to a place with a large number of unpleasant memories, or interacting with people that typically bring about aversive reactions can result in literally hundreds or thousands of these feelings coming up in a single day. All of them you simply drop.
The beauty is, once you starting doing this everywhere, next time you’re exposed to similar stimulus you can watch yourself barely reacting, if at all.
An Example
Oh, & if this sounds like a whole load of hokum? Try checking this vid. It’s a bit slow to start with (the first 20secs is just intro), but well worth persevering with:
Yes, that IS a guy who’s struggled with a cane for 20 years (some unidentifiable thyroid condition), throwing down his cane and walking. I see so many smaller examples every single day, this doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.
Ignore all the money money ra ra stuff on that site. It’s very $$ focused coz that’s what people (particularly in America) are mostly after when they start – ie, it gets people in the door. They’re super serious & super deep about it though (ie, money is a nice side effect, but what they’re actually pushing everyone towards is complete freedom). If they were just hucksters I would have biffed them years ago (as I have with oh so many others).
They have a whole range of products/services (obviously) but even just having the basic product you can go nuts with it from there – ie, spend almost nothing (as I have) but gain enormously. Ie, you really don’t have to give them tons of money, or anything crazy like that.
The reason for buying the product is that it gives you a lot of context, plus has tons of exercises for helping to clear up your entire life (it’s something like 12 CDs, plus a book). What I talk about on this blog is really just the tip of the iceberg.
There’s also a ton of weekly calls you can listen to for free here. People ring up with problems or to share great things that have happened, and they get helped or congratulated etc. These are absolutely brilliant for hitting problems from different angles, picking up neat tricks and so on (plus, you know, free! Yay!) I like to download them & listen to them on my iPod while I’m walking around. Instant meditation+growth. Fantastic.
Ever heard that saying “What you resist persists”?
Ahh yes.
I’ve noticed a few patterns in my life recently.
In general, I’ve spent the last few years on a bit of a spiritual journey. Clearing out, well, pretty much everything.
The downside to this is, as I’ve got clearer, what remaining crap is there has echoed stronger & more powerfully through my life. Ahh, I wish I’d been told that when I started. Actually, probably best I wasn’t.
The bad news is, there are parts of my life that still suck. Like you wouldn’t believe. Well, ok, I’m human. The good news is, they stand out like nobody’s business. Also, it’s much easier to see when they’re repeating.
So, here I am, looking at my life “Wtf? Didn’t that same crappy situation happen 6mo ago? What’s going on?”
Then, the other day, it hit me.
They’ve all been things I hate.
Now, of course, very early on, I went through all the core ‘negative’ (if there is such a thing) emotions, assessing all the places in my life they affected, healing them etc.
Of course, my life drastically improved. Quelle surprise.
When I looked at hate, I came up blank though. “Huh? I don’t hate anyone.” My Mum brought me up way to well for that nonsense. I’ve gotta say, there have been a few people I probably should (according to society) hate for the roles they’ve played in my life, but I still don’t (thanks Mum).
What I realised lately though is – there’s a lot of things I hate.
Guess what’s recurring?
Situations, behaviours in those around me, limitations, frustrations, ongoing problems.
Yep, no frickin’ surprise.
Hate is resistance.
I’m resisting this nonsense, so of course, I’m just drawing it into me. However you want to explain that (law of attraction, reticular activating system, self sabotage) is largely irrelevant.
The empirical evidence is this: Stuff I hate I just see more of in my life.
The big (& incredibly obvious) lesson? STOP IT.
Ok, so I like to keep things vaguely useful/practical around here. Bob has great advice above, but really, how do you stop hating something?
I’ve shared lots of ways of doing this kind of thing before, so here’s a real simple way that’s been helping me lately:
1. Give the issue a percentage, 0-100% where 0=Hate It, 100%=I’m 100% ok with this thing happening. 2. Ask yourself, can I increase that percentage? Say “Yes”, out loud & as emphatically as possible.
Maybe it’s just my analytical math brain, but that really resonates for me. I typically get a number in my head instantly. Uhh, 20%, or 3%. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. It’s just a starting point.
To work with this, there’s a core realisation. You’re the boss. You, the real You. Not your physical body, not your mind, not even your ego. The large, spiritual you. The essence of you. Your consciousness.
For example, if you decide to stop thinking about something, who makes that decision? You do. Not your brain. Your brain is just the tool. That’s the real you making that decision. The core of your being.
Soooo. Once you realise that you’re the boss, then everything is really just a decision. Including the decision to actually be ok with something you used to hate.
How/Why Does It Work? 1. Saying ‘yes’ puts you in a positive mindframe rather than negative (ie, resistant, hating). Salesmen have known this for eons, of course. Nothing new there.
2. Saying ‘yes’ releases resistance to the issue. Even just accepting it a little can help shift things, open you up & let go of that hate (or secret shame, as is often the case with deep hatred) and thus resistance. Once the floodgates open, voila, you’re on your way.
I know, sounds crazy, but give it a bit of a go, be patient & watch what happens.
Of course, if you feel like using EFT, releasing, reiki, NPA or anything else at the same time, so much the better. Whatever helps.
When you do finally get up to 100% you’ll realise. You just don’t hate it any more, in fact, you couldn’t care less. Know what? You’ll stop seeing it in your life too.
For me, I got a piece of paper, on the left wrote “Things I f’n Hate”, on the right “% Ok with it” then just made a list. Going down, even just saying “YES, I hate …” it’s the craziest thing, but I could feel the hate lifting off & that percentage rising.
Another interesting side effect? All this saying yes. I’ve had inner tension (that my sensei can feel, but is hard for me to pinpoint) for, well, probably my entire life. With this? I can actually feel it easing. Don’t know how, or even what it is, but it’s definitely lifting.
Whoever thought being positive would be beneficial? *grin*
One of the toughest things about healing is this. Half the time we know something is wrong, but can’t put our finger on exactly what the hell is going on.
Why?
Because our mind/ego has a delightful trait of trying to protect us by hiding things from our consciousness.
This is why people get selective amnesia (in extreme cases of trauma), or just forget things (day to day stuff).
This doesn’t stop the hidden issue from royally screwing us over, of course.
Now, before you go on, I highly recommend signing up for his book excerpt. Whether you buy it or not is up to you, but the three chapters you get by throwing him your email address are very worth reading.
Ok, so his basic premise is this: Affirmations don’t work because our mind rebutts it. “I’m wealthy I’m wealthy” & our mind goes “Uh huh, no you’re not.” So, it all falls apart. Noah’s revelation was that if we phrase affirmations as an open ended question “Why am I so wealthy?” or “How am I so wealthy?” then our mind works for us instead of against us. It starts finding ways to answer the question.
I got thinking about this in context of healing – of removing those blocks we have, self-sabotages, resistances etc to our success (however you want to define that).
Now, with tapping (EFT), the usual approach is – first we tap out the problem, then we tap in the solution. Negative first, then positive.
Where this falls apart is if we can’t see what the hell is going on.. & where open ended questions come to the rescue.
So, rather than tapping, say, “I hate my life” (which isn’t great, since it’s so general anyway), you tap on “Why do I hate my life?” or “What do I hate about my life?”
Several things happen. First, a lot of times your mind will answer the question – so you then tap on whatever comes up. Just go round a bit until it doesn’t really feel like a problem any more. Secondly (& this is far more interesting), stuff will clear out without you ever having any idea what the hell it was that left.
But then, who cares, right? If it’s gone, that’s all that matters.
I’ve used this approach a lot over the last few weeks, & I’ve gotta say, it kicks righteous ass.
So – start with negative questions.. then have a go with the word “still” in there – that’ll help clear up any leftovers – eg “Why do I still hate my life?”. Then tap in the positive, which in this case would be “Why do I love my life?” or “What do I love about my life?”
Fundamentally, the only person that has any control over how I feel is me.
I choose how I feel.
So, any time I feel bad due to someone else’s actions, I know that’s just a pain body reacting. That’s just my ego, getting in the way, hurting me, wanting me to feel pain.
Therefore, by releasing that pain when it comes up. Feeling the feeling & letting it go, I’m healing everything I experience, right there & then.
For more disturbing, larger or messier things, giving it a good old bash with EFT has also helped kick this stuff out.
Every time that I’ve felt less-than-blissful, it’s been an opportunity for me to heal – to heal whatever it is inside me that is reacting to external stimulus, & leaving me feeling bad.
Ha! And life being what it is, there’s been a lot of chances for that.
As a result? I know I’m in a much, much better place than I have been, simply as a result of doing this.
Now, this journey hasn’t always been pleasant at all. I wouldn’t wish some aspects of it in anyone. However, I have observed that things that have recurred have bothered me less & less till they haven’t bothered me at all.
Know what happens then? They seem to stop happening at all.
Well, some people would say that we draw things into our existence because we are a vibrational match for them. Like attracts like, you know, the law of attraction stuff.
Which means is (as unpleasant as it is to hear this) that every miserable thing I experience is there because some part of me wants it there.
Ok, now before we go getting all suicidal here (because that train of thought can get a bit damn depressing if you follow it too long through every bad thing that’s ever happened to you), realise this: These things appear so you can learn.
That’s why, when you learn the lesson (or heal), they simply stop happening to you.
In my case, I’ve had several occasions where I healed enough of that pain & the people responsible quite literally disappeared from my life. Moved away. Overnight.
So that’s the good news.
The point here is this: Every bad thing that occurs to you is an opportunity to instantly, easily & significantly improve your life.
Every upset is a chance for growth.
By immediately letting go of the negative emotion you’re feeling, as you’re feeling it, minute by minute your life is getting – even right through the middle of horrific pain & unpleasantness.
For a start, you’ll stop feeling bad even while things that used to upset you are still happening.
More interestingly, those (previously) negative external situations will, as if by magic, stop occurring.
Now, don’t take my word for it, check it out yourself, by all means.
However, let’s say I’m wrong – what does it matter? If you’ve let go, completely, of your internal reactions to these painful events, then you won’t care anyway. You’ll just sit there like a Hindu cow, cool as a cucumber while things spiral around you.
I know because this is exactly how I became. Their pain & suffering would be swirling around in a way that I know would previously have upset me enormously, & it didn’t bother me in the slightest. The pain body inside me that had been reacting to that particular stimulus had been completely neutralised.
Also, this comes back to our pain bodies discussion. If there’s no internal reaction at all from you, then there’s nothing for the other person’s pain body to push against – so it naturally dissipates – in the quickest, healthiest way possible.
The key things to remember are:
The sooner after the upset you can heal, the better. The fresher the emotion is inside you, the easier it is to get to & remove completely. Ideally, heal it immediately. This is where releasing is so helpful, coz you can do it while the person is still abusing/shouting at/crying on you. With EFT, you have to imagine tapping the points (or discreetly finger tap) – which works but is harder to do if you’re largely concentrating on someone else. Not impossible, but harder than just releasing anything you’re feeling inside yourself.
Be persistent. Don’t get discouraged if it seems like the same pain keeps coming up. Humans are very layered, & some times it takes a while to really get to the bottom of something. There may be many emotional reactions to a situation, or many subtle variations on a theme (eg, someone can insult, demean, disrespect, dismiss. ignore, put down, or disregard you – all basically the same, all subtly different). Just keep lettinig it all go, it all helps.
