si dawson

experiments in self-improvement

Category: life

May 6, 2011

Day 14,610*

bagel + beach

Honey & almond bagel, best coffee in Melbourne (highly debatable, but still), beach. Perfect start to the day. I also spent roughly 12 hours meditating - which resulted in a perfect end.

I also did a digital detox – no internet, phone off, just BEING. It was a great call.

jellyfish shoe

this was about an inch thick. It looked exactly like a jelly (I didn't check for taste authenticity)

beautiful beach

beautiful yes...

beach warning sign

.. but really NOT very friendly (a ton of these I never even knew existed)

Melbourne city

city walk - notice the sign for the hook turn (hanging from the tram wires) - a Melbourne specialty

Also, a haircut. It’s gone from unpredictable yet interesting to really quite funky. I do love when a hairdresser manages to surprise me with awesomeness.

Graduate Union

Innocuous entryway leads into a sumptuous banquet hall, acres of fruit and vegetables.. my body SUNG for the rest of the day. Needless to say it would have been FAR too gauche to take a photo inside

Later, drinks at The Attic (upstairs from The Black Pearl Bar) – which is so new it doesn’t even have a website yet. I was their fifth customer ever (yes, on 5/5). I mentioned that, & they gave me a free 23 yr old Ron Zacapa (which won the global rum awards five years in a row – until they created a hall of fame specifically for it, so it would stop competing & let some other rum win). It was like drinking malt extract, with a scrumptuous kick.

Unfortunately, I was so wowed by the immaculate service,and incredible interior to remember to take photos. Any bar that creates cocktails that require a blow torch (at the table) & fresh rosemary is all good by me though. Highly recommend, A++++ would visit again.

hoss

hoss

building art

hello building!

soy hot chocolate

a gentle nightcap (utterly delicious)

street art

street art (note the milk crates next to it, for scale - elephants are always big, right?)

mankind's planned evolution

Actually quite a realistic forecast for mankind's evolution

trees

I walk past these trees a LOT. They utterly captivate me every time. I heart them.

And the big lesson for the day seemed to be (although there was a ton of ancillary growth also):

Listen more deeply. Particularly, do not talk in order to:

  • seem clever (think I’ve mostly already dumped this one, but still)
  • try to gain approval from the other person
  • try to control the conversation
  • try to “help” (since this is typically just an ego based rationalisation for the first two)
  • Or to tell them what you think they need. Just listen

All in all, not at all what I expected, but thoroughly great regardless.

 

*non-negative integers

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    May 2, 2011

    Urban Misogi

    Tonight was an excellent night for some urban misogi.

    Some back story. Last week or so, I biked into town to hang out with a friend. While we were getting a bite to eat, some 15 year old kids decided to trash my bike. They stole the seat, lights & reflectors, basically rendering it un-ridable.

    The upshot of all that was two fold.

    1. I got to watch my internal reaction to this event (almost zero – always nice to see progress)
    2. I’ve been doing a lot more walking.

    The walk to town is about an hour and a half, and since I meditate while I walk (I have some great audios), this has meant a good solid three hours meditation a day (plus what I normally do) every day for the last three days.

    The growth I’ve been experiencing recently has been, much like the walk itself, gorgeous.

    Which brings me to this evening.

    I’d been in town all day (bit of this, bit of that), and about 9:15pm it was time to walk home.

    It was pouring. And I mean POURING.

    Oh, oh! I completely forgot, you may well need an introduction to misogi.

    The term misogi covers a few things, but generally it refers to standing under freezing cold waterfalls. Typically this happens mid winter, sometimes for hours at a time, and often (in Aikido) holding a sword as you do.

    Misogi generally looks something like this...

    .. except this evening, when I ended up looking a little more like this

    Misogi is a purification exercise. It teaches you to stay centered. Still mind, still body, no matter what happens. It’s very simple mind-over-matter.

    I got introduced to this through Ki Society (a branch of Aikido) about 20 years ago. So yes, I’ve done neck deep (& under) standing naked in mountain rivers in the middle of winter.

    Let me tell you, it’s.. quite an experience.

    Anyway, back to this evening. One minor issue with misogi as a practice is the difficulty with finding a handy waterfall in, say, central Melbourne.

    They’re a little thin on the ground. Least of all because Australia is, for most intents & purposes, a desert.

    So, this evening was quite a neat opportunity. It was about 14 degrees C (57F). Not exactly sub-zero, but certainly a good test.

    Squelching along, drenched to the skin, while remaining as present as I possibly good was.. well, delightful.

    After about an hour of this, I was meditating on there being “nothing to change.” Or perhaps more accurately, that I felt that yes indeed there were several things I’d like to change, just at that moment (my shoes, shirt, pants, for a start.. and maybe swap my headphones for an umbrella).

    I was reminded of the classic story of the Zen master Banzan. He was walking through the market when he heard a customer tell the butcher “I want the best meat, so give me the best.”

    The butcher replied “Every piece of meat is the best.” And, so the story goes, upon hearing this Banzan became enlightened.

    As I remembered this, I realised – life is nothing but a series of “nows”, and every now is perfect.

    (Of course, the only thing telling us otherwise is our silly old monkey mind)

    I felt a huge rush of energy (& a ton of stuff leaving), and continued trudging along, tears of joy pouring down my face.

    This knowledge is nothing new, I first heard it 20 years ago, and I am sure I will need to learn it again.

    In that moment though, that one glorious moment, I suddenly heard hundreds of birds happily chirping in the trees, cars swishing past, and I didn’t just know it in my brain but in my heart.

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      April 17, 2011

      How To Love Your Life

      I’ve been giving quite a lot of thought to the saying “What you resist persists” (variously attributed to either Carl Jung, or Werner Erhard).

      The logic of this is reasonably straight forward. Our brains don’t understand negatives particularly well. This is why when you drive a car, you look where you want to go, not at the thing you’re trying to avoid (coz you’ll veer towards it).

      Thus, whatever you’re thinking about you tend to create more of. It doesn’t matter too much if it’s a positive (I like that) or negative (I hate that) thought.

      Of course, this is one of the core benefits of releasing (or EFT). As your mind lets go of circling things you hate, those things tend to fall away from your life.

      If your feelings towards something are purely loving, you lose that obsessive mental grip that things we dislike have. We lose those recurring negative thoughts.  Therefore, we stop drawing those things we dislike to us.

      So where do you draw the line?

      It’s very simple. Every thought and emotion in your life is either loving or nonloving.

      Simplifying like this keeps everything very, very clear.

      It also removes the need to try and figure anything out (which just gets our ego/brain involved – never helping). It stop us getting tied up in definitions (“Am I angry, miffed, annoyed, irritated or just antsy?”). It cuts short the spiral into obsessive thought patterns.

      I’m usually not a fan of dichotomous (either/or) thinking, but in this case it’s actually very helpful. Simple is good.

      So, if that thought or emotion is loving? Great. If it’s non-loving? Say “I love you” & let it go. Remember “I love you”? Arguably the core of the four most powerful phrases in English.

      So what’s the best way of going about this? Well, here’s what I’ve found so far. And when I say “best” I mean most thorough, permanent & quickest.

      The Approach

      Generally speaking, when you think about something you dislike (have non-loving feelings towards), there will be a physical sensation (a clutching or tension) that goes with it. This usually appears in our stomach or chest. Why does this happen? Simply because our energy, emotions, bodies and minds are all part of one holistic system. Nothing operates independently.

      As you continue to think of that thing, if you say “I love you” you can simply open an imaginary door over your stomach or chest (where the tension is) and let that energy out.

      This works best especially when you don’t feel loving, because that will bring these contrary feelings to the surface even more vividly. Keep saying “I love you” and letting it out, and the clutching will disappear altogether.

      People

      Relationships are the core of our lives. “No man is an island” and all that guff. Ideally, you’d feel loving towards every person in your life. Why? Because then any time you think about anybody, you’ll feel great! How awesome would that be? It’s a trick question. The answer is very.

      Start with the people you have the most nonloving feelings for. Why? Because you’ll gain the most by changing those feelings to ones of love. Why would you want to love someone who’s currently driving you mad? Simple. Because the negative thoughts & feelings you’re harbouring are only hurting one person: You.

      You’re not doing any of this for that other person. You’re doing this for you.

      Also, be sure to get around to loving your family at some point, since they’re the ones with whom we have the most complex emotional relationships.

      So, what to do:

      1. Imagine each person in front of you.
      2. Say “I love you” to that picture you’re holding of them.
      3. Let go of all tension, feelings & thoughts that arise (remember, you are the boss here, not the thoughts or feelings)
      4. Repeat until all the clutching is gone, and you genuinely feel loving towards that person

      Of course, no person is one dimensional. So go through every non-loving event that happened with that person (just whatever pops into your mind). Remember the situation, what they said, etc. Keep circling it in your mind, all the while saying “I love you” & releasing all thoughts and feelings that come up, until you feel 100% loving about that situation with that person.

      It may seem like this will take forever, but once you get into the swing of it, it goes faster and faster. I’ve waded through 20 year relationships in a half an hour while wandering around town. The reason it gets easier is because as you continue you’re becoming more and more loving towards them. That energy builds up, so stuff drops away ever quicker.

      Events

      Sometimes events may not necessarily be about a specific person. That’s ok too.

      As described above, imagine the event in as much clarity as you can. Let the feelings come up. Say “I love you” to the event; to the feelings, and let them go. Repeat until you feel nothing but love for the situation.

      A good test is if you can emphatically and honestly declare “I am so happy that happened.” Repeat until you can.

      Ourselves

      Everybody dislikes their body. Or aspects of their bodies. There’s always something. So, just think about each part of your body in turn, say “I love you” to it, and let all the resentment, dislike and ugliness we’ve been carrying around dissipate. Yes, this may take a while, but remember, you’ve probably been carrying those nonloving feelings around most of your life. Be patient with yourself.

      Unsurprisingly by now, keep going until you feel loving about every single part of yourself. You’ll be amazed how much better you’ll feel about the world in general when you feel completely loving towards yourself.

      Abstract Concepts

      By this I mean “anything that’s hard to picture in your mind”. For example, “being lazy” or “feeling unmotivated.”

      With these, a slightly different approach is helpful. Rather than saying “I love you” – because it’s hard to connect with it – just ask yourself “Can I let ‘it’ go?” Don’t let your brain get all tied up in knots over what “it” is. What you’re trying to do. How it’s working or any of that.

      Just ask, and answer (particularly if you’re feeling adamantly opposed) “Yes.” Keep asking “Can I let ‘it’ go?” and keep answering “Yes.”

      Just saying “yes” has power. All the power you need. It puts you into a state of courageousness, since you’re making a decision, a choice. You just saying that you’re letting it go is enough to send that energy, that tension flying out of your body.

      Keep saying “yes!” and you’ll feel it all lift off and away.

      As always, keep it simple. Our brains like to complicate things, but it never helps.

      What to do if you get stuck

      If you get stuck with saying “I love you”, or you feel like it’s not shifting out, there are a couple of things you can do.

      1. Physically tap yourself over the spot where you’re feeling the clutching. That’ll shake up the energy & help it shift out.
      2. If you’re saying “I love you”, then try mixing it up with some “Can I let this go?” “Yes!”. That brings your inner power into play.
      3. If you’ve been doing all this in your head, try saying it out loud (& forcefully). A lot of times that verbalisation helps connect us much more strongly.
      4. Try injecting the word “still” or “all”, for example “I still love you”, or “can I let all of this go?” Don’t save any little bits for later.
      5. If you’re into it, feel free to draw down as much energy as you like from the universe to amp your “I love you”s the hell up. (Just imagine a bright white light coming down into your head then into whatever you’re dealing with, that’ll do the trick)
      6. Experiment. Play with it. Find what works best for you.

      How to say “I Love You”

      Ha ha, you think I’m kidding. No, I’m serious.

      I’ve talked about saying “I love you” in the past. Back then, I figured being super light hearted was the best approach. Having a light heart is great, but I’ve since learned there are ways to take that light heart and really amp up the power.

      For a start, you want to make sure you’re in a good mood before you start any of this. Good posture, a good night’s sleep, water & food will help with this, obviously. Your body is your temple (and so on).

      There are three specific energetic states that are ideal to aim for.

      • Courageousness (simply sitting up straight and emphatically repeating “Yes” will get you into this state pretty quickly)
      • Acceptance (a state of “it is what it is”. Saying that to everything in your life/mind & letting go of everything else will get you here)
      • Peace (a state of knowing. To quote The Matrix, “Don’t Think you are, Know you are.” This is a state of being – rather than thinking, worrying and so on)

      Any of these states is ideal. Peace is the most powerful. That’s when you’re fully connected to your true power. Meditation will get you there. I have to be in that state to experience my best, most loving Aikido. Peace is the flow state.

      So. Now you’re in that high, calm, place. Then start thinking about events, people and yourself.

      When you’re saying “I love you”, say it calmly, with all the attention & inner conviction you can muster. Or, if you want to, shout it with all the enthusiasm and outer conviction you can muster; that’s great too. The critical thing is just that the more you can manage to mean it, the more powerfully it will sweep all that garbage out of you.

      How do you achieve that when part of you is screaming “No, no fucking way, I do not love them”?

      Remember how you are not your mind, you’re not your body, you’re not your emotions? This is where you show them all who’s boss. Just by answering “Yes” (when your mind is screaming “No”), you take control. You are the boss. So just say it.

      Saying “Yes” is just a choice. Saying “I love you” is just a choice. The more you say it, the more true it will become, as everything non-loving disappears.

      It really is that simple. Force yourself to say it. Keep saying it. You know what will happen? Your ego will wail, complain, bitch & moan (as usual).. and then, it’ll all start to fade. We live on automatic so much, letting our emotions and thoughts push us around, so it’s easy to forget who’s really in charge.

      Remember, you’re doing this for you, not for anyone else. You’re doing it so you feel better. With that in mind, just force yourself to say (out loud if that helps) “I love you.” Then simply let all that internal noise, the physical tension, the emotional crap just float out of you.

      Why bother?

      The reason we (occasionally) feel crap is very simple. We have crappy thoughts, and crappy emotions. Let go of them, replace them with loving thoughts and emotions and what will happen? That’s right, we’ll stop feeling crappy. We’ll just feel loving, all the time. Or at the very least, a hell of a lot more of the time.

      As an added bonus, the people around you will notice. Maybe not consciously, but you will see their behaviour towards you change as you shift to only ever having loving thoughts and feelings towards them.

      Why do you think people have pets? Because everybody craves unconditional love, and animals give it. People respond to this, at an incredibly deep level.

      How much easier will it be to do your work, go about your day, to live, if all you have are loving feelings towards everything?

      Incredibly easy. Happy. Effortless. Exactly the way life is supposed to be, we just plop out on this plane and forget. So now’s the time to remember. I love you.

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        March 30, 2011

        How To End Procrastination Forever

        I had a realisation about procrastination that I just had to share.

        In essence, procrastination is the end result of us having an aversion (or several) to the task at hand.

        If you let go of all of those aversions, well, there’ll be nothing to stop you doing it, right?

        Ok, so there are several ways to do this (aren’t there always?) however, the easiest one is this:

        Just say “YES” (out loud, preferably).

        Sales people have known this for years. If they can get a potential customer saying yes, about anything – the weather, the colour of their shoes, it doesn’t matter – it puts them into a decisive, powerful state of mind (aka a state of courageousness). A state of mind where one more yes is easy.

        Don’t believe me? Check Amazon – ten thousand books with ‘Yes’ in the title. All about persuading people, making a sale, negotiating and so on.

        The thing with procrastination is you’re really trying to sell yourself.

        Pic by Megan Elizabeth Ann

        So. Even if you don’t believe it (and you won’t, otherwise you’d be doing the task already) just say Yes. Then, release any tension you feel and let go of any thoughts or emotions that come up. Those are the specific aversions that are keeping you procrastinating.

        In order to dig up all the aversions you have, simply ask a bunch of questions around the subject. Anything you think might bring up a reason not to do the task:

        • Can I do this? YES
        • Is it going to be easy? YES
        • Will I complete it quickly? YES
        • Will it be painless? YES
        • Can I start it now? YES
        • Can I get it finished? YES
        • Am I able to do it? YES
        • Will I do this? YES
        • Will I do this, NOW? YES

        Hit every area you can think of. If you feel internal tension rising (“Wah wah, of course it’s gonna suck!”) then stick with that question, repeat it, saying yes each time (& letting go of every tension/emotion/thought) until you feel clear, and yes feels right.

        If in doubt, keep coming back to “Can I do this?” and “Will I do this, NOW?” – those two will tap right into whatever it is that’s holding you back.

        I’ve only just started playing with this, but holy crap, how could I not share this with you guys immediately?!?! Give it a shot, I think you’ll be as amazed as I have been.

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          March 15, 2011

          My Beautiful Dojo

          I thought I’d share where I train Aikido four days a week. It’s one of the most beautiful spots I know of in Melbourne.

          This is standing back, looking at our main training area (aka dojo).

          This was taken in the middle of the day, so normally when we train there’s a lot more shade than this. Given that it hits 45degC (113F) here, training in the sun is really not a great idea. It also makes it hard to see when someone is about to clonk you on the nose.

          The tree directly to the right is where I normally park my bike. I love that tree. In fact, here it is:

          Our primary shade source, aka, the steed hitching post

          I typically park my bike right under that tree (& give it an affectionate pat). It’s utterly glorious, shading both us and the grass. Shading the grass is great because it means the water doesn’t evaporate as quickly in the mornings, which keeps the ground noticeably softer for rolling on.

          Looking up through the branches at the (typically) gorgeous blue Melbourne sky

          Here’s what it looks like when I’m lying on my back, listening to music and gazing up at the sky, waiting for people to arrive for training.

          So what does Aikido in this space look like? Well, other than the hordes of (usually Chinese/Japanese) tourists that come wandering absent-mindedly through the middle of the training sessions, excitedly taking pictures and making karate chop poses, it tends to look like this:

          See the grace? The beauty under pressure? Yes, that's me, eating the grass

          You can see that gorgeous tree in the background, along with my utterly kickass 6th Dan Sensei, and the two other main guys I train with. Yes, we’re all blackbelt (now, not when the pic was taken).

          The great thing about this photo is that you get a real sense of the movement of Aikido, everyone circling around attacking our Sensei at once (when we’re not recovering our breath and/or spitting out grass) and getting our asses kicked in return.

          We don’t normally train in hakama (the baggy trouser things we’re wearing) though, they’re too hot, fussy and would just get crazy muddy. That’s just for the photo. We do wear black gis though (very unusual for Aikidoka)- hides the dirt better, you see!

          The guy on the right always, always does the V-for-victory sign anytime anyone takes a photo of us.. which gets hellishly amusing when he’s mid breakfall & someone is shooting. He always manages it though. Cracks me the hell up.

          These are incredible, wonderful, beautiful people. Something about this style of Aikido seems to attract them.

          Oh, and yep, that is a valid technique I’m doing (well, a front breakfall, really). I’ve just been thrown in such a way that I landed utterly horizontally (unable to roll), so you absorb the impact with your arms, then roll your body into the ground from the chest down. Most of the impact is then taken with your arms & chest, with your legs curving to the ground after you’ve mostly landed (hence feet much higher than main body)

          My back should be slightly more arched, but this pic was taken a coupla years ago, so I’m sure I’m super awesome at it by now.

          We used to train slightly south of here (directly behind the main tree – you can see it in the background of the above pic):

          Our old training area, in the middle of a circle of five gorgeous trees

          This was such an incredible place to train, right in the centre of this circle of trees. It was like we were being protected, hugged by the trees while we trained. SO great.

          Unfortunately a couple of summers back things got really dry, and the groundskeepers dug up the earth in the middle to lay new water pipes, and the ground never really recovered – it’s stayed lumpy and grassless (hard to see in this pic, and really only a smallish patch, but enough that you notice when you’re trying to roll on it). Still a perfect picnic location though.

          The groundskeepers also do a really interesting thing where they pile up dirt in a giant half circle several meters across, on the downward slope around each tree (like a big ‘C’ around the trunk). Then when they water, or if there’s any dew, it collects next to the dirt mounds, inside the ‘C’ & soaks into the roots of the tree, rather than just washing away. This is done because the ground gets so incredibly hard that water just runs right off without a chance to soak in, so then the trees would die. I’ve never seen that done anywhere else, but this particular garden (Fitzroy Gardens) has won awards for how much they’ve managed to do with so little water.

          On the day I took this, I also visited the Botanical Gardens, and saw turtles flirting with each other:

          Turtles slipstreaming each other for greater speed & energy efficiency

          See now, turtles don’t do a whole lot of talking so I couldn’t quiz them what was going on, but I’ve narrowed it down to the following three possibilities:

          1. They’re in a race and slipstreaming for efficiency
          2. The back one is trying to mount the front one (who’s a bit shy)
          3. The front one has just farted and is being mean

          But I’m no turtle expert, so you’d best google it for yourself.

          I also saw some of these, but apparently they don’t exist:

          I just loooove the light on this

          Luckily, black swans almost never occur. Oh wait,  there’s one.. two.. three.. ffffff… what stocks was I long again? CRAP! (ho ho, trader humour, never goes out of fashion)

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