Food is not Love – but Love is food

Going on a 30 something day juice feast totally kicked my ass.

I admit it. I was miserable pretty much the entire time.

Worse though was afterwards. I decided to finish by going from juice onto a 4 day water fast (which was easier, oddly). That was ok. However, once the transition back to normal food was done (the usual 6+ day gradual dietary speedup), things have gone completely bonkers.

I’ve eaten more junk than I have in years. Today alone I had four meals, and another meal’s worth of snacking. I’ve eaten until my stomach hurts, and then kept eating (and been doing this for days). To give this a little perspective, I normally eat only one or two small meals a day. I have a fast metabolism, but don’t need much food to keep me going.

And this whole time, I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on. I’ve thrown all my usual healing tools (EFT, reiki, releasing, etc) at it, to no avail.

The fasting was tough, true. Having my partner out of town on business for the last two months hasn’t been easy either (particularly since the previous two years we spent pretty much 24/7 together). But still, this was insane!

What the hell has been happening?

Well, I think I just found out. The inimitable Dhrumil pointed me to a quote from Mama S, of Give It To Me Raw:

Food is not Love

You know what? I read that and immediately burst out crying. I didn’t stop for five minutes. In fact, I think I cried more & deeper than the whole time I was fasting – and considering what a wreck I was most of the time, that’s saying something. I released/healed a ton of stuff while I was crying, and now? Well, it’s odd, but the urge to eat seems to have disappeared.

A lot more things make sense too.

I grew up in a large, not particularly well off family. Mum didn’t necessarily have as much time to spend with each of us as if we’d had a smaller family, & we may not have been able to keep up with the Jones (literally, they had a really nice car & a great computer), but we always ate well. It was one key way that Mum expressed her love for us, through food.

I think, at some level, I picked up on that, and solidified it as a core internal belief. A connection.

It maybe also explains why the juicing was so hard for me – if I was denying myself solid food – but interpreting that as denying myself love? Yowser!

and yet, oddly, the reverse IS true:

Love is Food

Love is the deepest nourishment of all. All beings instinctively crave it, from the second they’re born. And what is love anyway, but energy? So why the appeal of raw food? It has more energy, more love. At some level, whether we’re aware of it or not, our bodies know this, we feel it. The closer the food is to living, the closer it is to loving. It really is that simple.

Or at least, having cried my lungs out half the evening, that’s how I feel about it right now.. And that sure beats eating myself into pain.