si dawson

experiments in self-improvement

Category: healing

Shut Up And Heal

Historically I have, on occasion, been “a bit of a whinger”.

In my defence, this really only happens if I get stuck in a strongly negative head-space, which is  not common, thankfully. If something is bothering me heavily or strongly upsetting me, I can occasionally spiral, and then talk excessively about that subject.

On the rare occasions I’m really struggling with something, this outward vocalisation can get pretty overwhelming – and especially for whomever is being forced to listen to me. Ha ha, sorry my friends.

I think part of me hopes that by talking it out I can get it all clear in my head (ie, I’m trying to figure it out). Partly I’m looking for sympathy, compassion or support from whomever I’m talking to (ie wanting approval).

The other day though, I had a bit of a realisation.

If I’m complaining about something, it’s because there’s negative energy there. Pretty obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t be complaining, right?

So, since this energy has already come up, rather than expressing it through words, what I should be doing is just bloody well healing it. Surprise!

This is much faster, plus, when it’s done, the desire to complain will disappear along with all that negative energy. It also has the ever-so-slight benefit of making me less miserable to be around. So, another win!

Of course, the trick is catching myself before I start spiralling and talking too much. But that’s just practice. The advantage is, the energy coming up is what motivates me to talk, so really, I only have to watch for moments where I start feeling overwhelmingly shitty, or obsessive. With practice it’s also generally pretty trivial to dump stuff immediately, even if I’m in the middle of interacting with someone.

Now, this isn’t to say there isn’t real benefit in talking something out with a close friend, confidant, or therapist. Talk therapy is popular at least in part because it can be very helpful.

However, there is a point where really, we’re just going over the same old ground, or telling someone new an old problem. We’re merely expressing existing prejudices & emotions, not making any forward progress at all.

This is point where just shutting the hell up and healing whatever is coming up is much faster and better for all of us.

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    Everything Is Perfect?

    The first time I heard someone say “see everything as perfect” my immediate response was:

    What nonsense.

    Except <cough> rather more bluntly, with four or five swear words and several exclamation points.

    Since then, I’ve given it a bit more thought though, and I’ve realised something.

    Every single reason our minds come up with why things aren’t perfect is something we should be letting go of. It’s a negative picture we’re holding in mind. Something that isn’t helping us.

    It’s typically:

    Of course, if we were truly enlightened, I suspect we’d realise the deep truth that everything is perfect, and interconnected. However, I’m not there yet, so, I can’t say this with any personal, experiential certainty.

    In the meantime, it’s certainly a very good way to bring to the surface anything we’re disapproving of in our lives, stuff we’re pushing against, stuff that is causing us pain.

    Just say (out loud or to yourself) “Everything is Perfect” with as much conviction as you can, and wait to see what disagreeable bile automatically spews forth from the deepest recesses of your mind.

    Once these things are identified (and boy, this approach is effective), then, as usual, it’s relatively straight forward to dig in and clear this junk out permanently.

    Just another handy tool to chuck in your toolkit.

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      Ho’oponopono + EFT

      I’ve written about the Hawaiian art of Ho’oponopono before. And of course, I’ve written about EFT a LOT (understatement of the year).

      However, it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that I thought to use the two tools together.

      A typical problem with EFT is the “what the hell do I say?” problem. Now really, you’re only talking for two main reasons:

      1. To keep yourself focused on the specific feeling you’re trying to clear
      2. To talk around the subject (ie free associate), to help hit all the related details & feelings

      Talking out loud will also tend to make something feel more real, and thus pull up the emotion more powerfully than just talking in your head. But that’s really a secondary benefit.

      Now, when you’re tapping, often you’ll hit a specific point and feel a lot more tension there. Either you’ll feel more energy, or the emotional intensity will increase (eg it’ll upset you more while you’re tapping that point), or you’ll feel a physical clutching or tension in your body.

      Typically, the advice is to keep tapping at that point until the energy clears and you feel peaceful again.

      As I’ve mentioned, tapping while saying “I love you” can be quite powerful here.

      It turns out, when you do hit one of those “tension points”, saying the four Ho’oponopono phrases while still focusing on the feeling, is incredibly powerful. This can be done either out loud or in your mind.

      Those phrases being:

      • I’m sorry
      • Please forgive me
      • Thank you
      • I love you

      So. Tap as per usual (saying whatever the hell feels right at the time). When you hit a point of increased tension/energy/upset, then focus on that feeling, and say the four Ho’oponopono phrases (while continuing to tap on that point) until the energy clears and you feel peaceful. Then just continue tapping around your body as usual.

      Give it a shot, see if it works for you. When I get stuck, I’ve found it an insanely fast way to clear out those blockages. Certainly much MUCH faster than simply tapping by itself.

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        Not Every Picture Needs A Title

        When people first start learning EFT, one of the biggest confusions is “What do I say?” Now, with EFT the primary reason you’re talking is simply to keep you focused on the issue at hand – although often stream-of-consciousness verbalisation does lead to unexpected break throughs.

        The commonest answer to this question is: “If your situation was a movie, what would the title be? Use that.”

        The more I’ve thought about this though, the more I’ve realised – I’ve seen this reaction before. It’s fairly typical if one of my young nephews is asked what they’re feeling for them to answer “I don’t knoooooow!” (typically accompanied by whining and a sad face, but I digress).

        Not being able to articulate what you’re feeling is a totally normal thing.

        As I’ve gone further on this healing journey, I’ve started to notice this more and more. Many of the things I’m healing are so nebulous they really can’t be explained. Even vague descriptions like “a grey cloud kinda over there” don’t adequately sum them up – as much as simple focusing clearly on the specific energy in question.

        If we have an upset stomach, that’s not really an emotion, is it? And yet, it’s still a form of energetic upset – manifesting strongly enough that we feel it physically.

        Emotions that we can easily put into words (fear, anger, hate etc) are only the grossest, most obvious forms of non-physical energy passing through us.

        That tingling we get when we sense someone looking at us – that’s energy passing through too.

        Everything is, after all, just energy.

        Once we’ve dealt with most of the big stuff, we’re left with only the small. The perturbations that really can’t be explained any more clearly than “that feeling”.

        And that’s ok.

        The good thing is, once the obvious stuff is mostly shifted and you’re not experiencing physical or emotion upset as regularly, it gets much, much easier to focus on the more subtle energetic misalignments.

        At this point, yes, you can simply draw your attention to whatever energy is clouding things and let it go (using whatever tools work best for you).

        Not everything needs a name, and the more quickly you’re able to focus your whole attention on an issue, the easier & faster it is to drop it completely.

        It can be easy. It can be fast. It doesn’t always need words.

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          Loving More Closely

          I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about love. Like, a lot a lot a lottttttttt.

          Love in the sense of the active unconditional verb, not the passive romantic version we’re constantly fed by media.

          As I get deeper into this journey, I’m realising there’s degrees and depths to which we can love.

          I’ve learned a bit just by watching my own journey, especially since (intellectually) I realise where I’m going to end up – so I know roughly where I’m headed. More on that in a bit.

          I’ve talked in the past about “loving to hate” something. It’s a reasonable starting point, particularly if we’re really struggling with an issue.

          For a long time I talked about saying I love you to things, as a way of helping us release our energy around a topic (trauma, event, others). I’ve recommended this really. Quite. Often. (ETC. lol)

          To jump ahead a little, where will this end? Well, reading things written by genuinely enlightened souls, there is a common thread of the interconnectedness of all things. Feeling one with the universe, and so on. Now, ha ha, I’m definitely not there yet, but knowing where we’re heading gives us a better sense of direction.

          In terms of being loving, surely the less distance between us and the thing we’re loving is going to be better? Ultimately we’ll feel completely one with it, but in the meantime, the closer we can get, the more effective our tools. This is both in terms of how healing that loving will be (for us – traumas, events) and the effect on whomever it is we’re loving (for them – others).

          • “loving the hate” is pretty distant.
          • Saying “I love you” is definitely better – although there’s still a subtle element of separation going on there – the difference between “me” and “you”.

          A while back I started instinctively saying “I love that” to things that occurred around me. By “things”, read “things that pissed off or upset me” (ha ha).

          That was definitely an improvement (in terms of effectiveness) on saying “I love you” – but notice how there’s still a little keeping ourselves separate. “That” is not “us”. It’s still something other.

          From here, I’ve since transitioned into saying “I love this.”

          If you think about anything “less than fun” in your life, notice how confrontational it is to say “I love this”. Our brains will instantaneously start screaming how of course we don’t love it, yadda yadda yadda.

          Well kids, that’s kind of the point here.

          Remember, one big reason we’re choosing to love is to regain control over our brains. We’re not our minds. We’re the boss here. It’s just our automatic thoughts, our egos that like to keep us anxious, worried, stressed. Since we’re the boss, we can (permanently) change those thoughts.

          So, by consciously saying “I love this” – we’re intentionally bringing all that internal noise to the surface, where, of course, we can simply let it go.

          We’re regaining control over our minds.

          Notice also that “I love this” is much more connective. It’s less “us” and “them”, it’s more “we”. It’s more inclusive. It’s much closer to that end goal of realising the interconnectedness of all things.

          This is, of course, one reason that saying it makes our brains scream in terror. Our minds, our egos like to keep us separate. It’s easier to keep us fearful that way. It’s easier to keep us feeling out of control. Suffering. Which is a good hint that anything that helps remove that separation is probably good for us.

          Anyway. I don’t have much more to add. This is just another tool. Feel free to give it a bash, see if it resonates and if it’s as helpful for you as it has been for me.

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