si dawson

experiments in self-improvement

Category: life

The Rat And The Rose

I was at a friend’s place having a coffee when I saw the weirdest thing (to help you out, I circled it):

rat_0.jpg

Can you see it? Nope, neither could I, at the start.

However, we’d been watching the cat (a delightful Burmese). The cat had seen something interesting, so we were curious what it was. Usually this sort of thing is just a bird. This time though, it was a rat, about 6 inches long (plus tail).

Then we watched the rat climb the trellis. Uhh, what? A climbing rat? Well, ok, I used to be one of those, so I can dig that.

That’s when it got surreal. This rat grabbed one of the roses in its teeth, pulled it off & started climbing down. Now, I got to my camera after it got a foot down the trellis, but check these pics out (I’ve tried to keep the same rose in the top right hand corner so you can track the rat easier as it progresses downwards):

rat_1.jpg
Just behind the ‘marker’ rose.

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now well below it

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even further

rat_4.jpg
and right off the bottom & into the garden.

Wow, crazy.

Oddly, Google doesn’t have much in the way of “hey, rats love to eat roses!”, so maybe I just got lucky.

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    Confession

    Nobody has their shit together, or has all the answers. No matter how much they pretend otherwise.

    This, of course, includes me.

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      Turn Every Down Into An Up

      I had a realisation recently.

      Fundamentally, the only person that has any control over how I feel is me.

      I choose how I feel.

      So, any time I feel bad due to someone else’s actions, I know that’s just a pain body reacting. That’s just my ego, getting in the way, hurting me, wanting me to feel pain.

      Therefore, by releasing that pain when it comes up. Feeling the feeling & letting it go, I’m healing everything I experience, right there & then.

      For more disturbing, larger or messier things, giving it a good old bash with EFT has also helped kick this stuff out.

      Every time that I’ve felt less-than-blissful, it’s been an opportunity for me to heal – to heal whatever it is inside me that is reacting to external stimulus, & leaving me feeling bad.

      Ha! And life being what it is, there’s been a lot of chances for that.

      As a result? I know I’m in a much, much better place than I have been, simply as a result of doing this.

      Now, this journey hasn’t always been pleasant at all. I wouldn’t wish some aspects of it in anyone. However, I have observed that things that have recurred have bothered me less & less till they haven’t bothered me at all.

      Know what happens then? They seem to stop happening at all.

      trampoline.jpg
      pic by ceeceedotca

      Why is that?

      Well, some people would say that we draw things into our existence because we are a vibrational match for them. Like attracts like, you know, the law of attraction stuff.

      Which means is (as unpleasant as it is to hear this) that every miserable thing I experience is there because some part of me wants it there.

      Ok, now before we go getting all suicidal here (because that train of thought can get a bit damn depressing if you follow it too long through every bad thing that’s ever happened to you), realise this: These things appear so you can learn.

      That’s why, when you learn the lesson (or heal), they simply stop happening to you.

      In my case, I’ve had several occasions where I healed enough of that pain & the people responsible quite literally disappeared from my life. Moved away. Overnight.

      So that’s the good news.

      The point here is this: Every bad thing that occurs to you is an opportunity to instantly, easily & significantly improve your life.

      Every upset is a chance for growth.

      By immediately letting go of the negative emotion you’re feeling, as you’re feeling it, minute by minute your life is getting – even right through the middle of horrific pain & unpleasantness.

      For a start, you’ll stop feeling bad even while things that used to upset you are still happening.

      More interestingly, those (previously) negative external situations will, as if by magic, stop occurring.

      Now, don’t take my word for it, check it out yourself, by all means.

      However, let’s say I’m wrong – what does it matter? If you’ve let go, completely, of your internal reactions to these painful events, then you won’t care anyway. You’ll just sit there like a Hindu cow, cool as a cucumber while things spiral around you.

      I know because this is exactly how I became. Their pain & suffering would be swirling around in a way that I know would previously have upset me enormously, & it didn’t bother me in the slightest. The pain body inside me that had been reacting to that particular stimulus had been completely neutralised.

      Also, this comes back to our pain bodies discussion. If there’s no internal reaction at all from you, then there’s nothing for the other person’s pain body to push against – so it naturally dissipates – in the quickest, healthiest way possible.

      The key things to remember are:

      The sooner after the upset you can heal, the better. The fresher the emotion is inside you, the easier it is to get to & remove completely. Ideally, heal it immediately. This is where releasing is so helpful, coz you can do it while the person is still abusing/shouting at/crying on you. With EFT, you have to imagine tapping the points (or discreetly finger tap) – which works but is harder to do if you’re largely concentrating on someone else. Not impossible, but harder than just releasing anything you’re feeling inside yourself.

      Be persistent. Don’t get discouraged if it seems like the same pain keeps coming up. Humans are very layered, & some times it takes a while to really get to the bottom of something. There may be many emotional reactions to a situation, or many subtle variations on a theme (eg, someone can insult, demean, disrespect, dismiss. ignore, put down, or disregard you – all basically the same, all subtly different). Just keep lettinig it all go, it all helps.

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        The Pain Bodies Inside Us

        Ever catch yourself doing something really stupid? You watch it happening in slow motion, yet can’t seem to stop yourself going right ahead and doing it?

        Now, there’s a ton of things that fit under the heading of ‘stupid’, ahh, and by goodness, I’ve done a lot of them.

        What I’d like to talk about today is deliberately creating pain, in ourselves & in those around us. When we feel automatically compelled to do things that increase suffering in the world. Typically this is done verbally, but in more extreme cases it can escalate to physical violence.

        Eckhart Tolle has a description for this phenomenon, he calls these internal proclivities “Pain bodies.”

        It’s a useful approach. Metaphorically distancing ourselves, even slightly, can give us power over the behaviour. Seeing it as something separate from ourselves helps us gain control.

        Of course, this kind of things fits handily under the heading “Self-sabotage.” Whereas a lot of forms of self-sabotage can be happily done alone (eg, procrastination), our pain bodies generally require company.

        birds_fighting.jpg
        pic by catb

        So what to do about them? Well, Tolle’s suggestion is simply to be as present as possible, and this is pretty reasonable advice. If you’re in the moment, then these occurrences become quite jarring. The behaviour stands out so starkly You can’t help but think (whether it’s yourself or another) “Hey, where the hell did that come from?”

        To kick Tolle’s suggestion up a notch in terms of effectiveness, I’d also recommend releasing whatever feelings come up.

        Ever notice how hard it is to fight someone who’s not responding at all (except with love)? There’s a reason for that. Your pain body is trying to latch onto something, something to feed itself with.. and finding nothing. This is, of course, pure Aikido at work.

        The same thing works in reverse. When someone near you behaves in a way that is pretty obviously just spoiling for a fight, by releasing any internal reactions inside you, remaining calm, and adding nothing, the entire situation defuses in the fastest way possible.

        I’ve experimented with this extensively, & there really is nothing good or bad you can say that will calm things down quicker than releasing & saying as little as possible.

        birds_loving.jpg
        pic by ladyinpink_1

        Of course, in yourself, the same applies. I lose count of the number of times I’ve felt something ugly or nasty whelling up inside me. By releasing the thought, noticing it but not attaching it & simply letting it go, I’m weakening those pain bodies inside me. Not once have I looked back & thought “Gosh, I sure wish I’d said that nasty thing.” Nope, every single time it’s been a variant on “Oh man, that would have really hurt someone I care about.”

        The more you can release at the time, the weaker the pain body becomes.

        In yourself, it’s simply a case of letting go of the compulsion to hurt those around you. When someone near you is letting their pain body take control, there’s two things to release.

        First, your reaction to whatever they’re saying. Yes, it’s going to be hurtful, painful, ugly. That’s the nature of a pain body – to try and provoke as extreme a reaction from you as possible. Sure, that person is fully responsible for anything they say, & they shouldn’t say it. But that’s not the point. Blaming them, or having other negative feelings towards them is only going to make you feel bad, so let it go. Secondly, & once you’ve let go of any negative reactions to their behaviour, let go of any internal response you may be feeling. That’s only your pain bodies trying to get in on the fight.

        You could also use EFT or similar – if you’re able to identify a specific motivation or drive behind the pain body so you can tune into it & tap later. Starting tapping in the middle of dealing with someone angry or hurt is likely to just piss them off even further. Not recommended.

        Can you think of any people who just seem to bring out the worst in you? One minute things are fine, next there’s a flaming row & you really have no idea how it started? That’s what happens when two pain bodies get in sync and start feeding each other. If either party is able to take even the slightest amount of control, the whole thing defuses incredibly quickly.

        Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m suggesting for a second you should stay in a situation where someone is wilfully trying to harm you, whether verbally or otherwise.

        This isn’t about being a martyr, just a little better than yesterday.

        Even reducing your pain bodies by the tiniest amount results in exponentially more love in the world. Every interaction with every person for the rest of your life will be just that little bit better. Totally worth the effort.

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          How To Stop Feeling Bad

          Why do we feel bad?

          It’s a good question.

          An easy answer would be “because bad stuff happens to us”, but what for one person would be a disaster, someone else might barely notice.

          So what’s actually going on here?

          In a nutshell?

          We beat ourselves up.

          That little voice in our heads giving us shit. Yep, it’s our ego.

          No big surprise there then. So what can we do about it?

          Well, stop complaining is certainly a good start, but there’s more to it than just that.

          For example, how many different ways are there of beating ourselves up?

          Regrets, disappointments, undesirable events, worrying about the future, things we dislike about ourselves, or (even sillier) things we dislike about others (“Why oh why did I choose a husband like this?”) That’s the craziest of all. Resentment about someone else is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to get sick.

          Notice that all of these things are either in the past or in the future? Yep, that’s not a surprise. More on that later.

          A good rule of thumb though? Any time we say something to ourselves that makes us feel worse, that’s beating ourselves up, in one way or another.

          Ok, so we’ve mapped out the field, how to deal to this behaviour? How to stop it?

          The Reductionist Method
          Here’s one method that has worked wonders for me.

          Every morning I sat down & brainstormed a few lists “Things I disapprove about myself”, “Regrets”, “Disappointments”, “Worries” etc. (You can use any phrasing that resonates). Next, I just worked my way down each list I’d made, healing each item in turn. The whole thing would take, 10 maybe 15 minutes tops.

          writing_pen.jpg
          pic by gwilmore

          What I noticed was, each day the lists got shorter, & the items I’d healed didn’t come back (or they looked like they came back, but were actually subtly different – i.e. different sub-aspects of a larger issue).

          After a few days, I couldn’t think of anything for any of the lists. Oh, & I also wasn’t thinking any of those crappy thoughts about myself any more.

          The fewer negative thoughts you have, the better you’ll feel. It’s not rocket science.

          Of course, when you’re making these lists, the things that come up first will be the things you’re thinking most often. Those at the top of the list will be the loudest complaints. As you clear those out, you’ll naturally work deeper & quieter, till eventually you’re clearing out more & more subtle negativity. It’s a great, natural way to clear through internal noise in a way that gets you the greatest benefits immediately, but gets more deeply powerful the longer you continue.

          It’s also good just to do it a little bit each day. Often we need a good night’s sleep to fully process & clear things out of our systems.

          How to heal this negative self-talk? Well, you can use whatever tool appeals to you. Some of the things that came up I used EFT on, some I used the release technique (aka the Sedona Method), & some I used Reiki. I just trusted my intuition & used what felt right (mostly releasing).

          Our ego has a thousand ways of making us feel bad. Constantly nattering at us, trying to bring us down. This is just a good, time effective way I’ve found to proactively clear out a huge chunk of that crap. Each day getting clearer, lighter & happier.

          The Holistic Method
          Ok, so, remember how all this negative self talk was either in the future, or in the past? Well, that’s not an accident.

          Remember Eckhart Tolle? Well, he’s way ahead of me on this one. See, if you’re the kind of person for whom a methodical approach is just not for you, well, here’s what he recommends.

          Get yourself completely “in the present.” Just be here now.

          It’s that simple. Let go of all the noise in your head. Stop thinking your thoughts. If they come up, simply let them go.

          girl_peach.jpg
          pic by savannahgrandfather

          The important thing to remember is – you are not your thoughts. It’s your mind thinking them, not you. Which means you have a choice, seriously, whether you want to keep thinking them or not. As with all things, you always have a choice.

          Same thing with any feelings that come up. Just observe them, but let them go too.

          This way, you stay 100% in the present moment. You can still be going about your day, doing whatever, but any thoughts & feelings that come up from the past or about the future, just let them drift off.

          Now, there’s a couple of interesting things about this. Firstly, if you genuinely do welcome up (without attachment) any thoughts or feelings you have, & let go of them fully, they won’t come back. (Very loosely, this is how you release).

          Be gentle with yourself though, because one large issue can often have a ton of little sub-issues to it that may all need to be cleared. It may seem like you’re making no progress, but just keep letting go, keep letting go. Pretty soon you’ll start to see the difference.

          Secondly, the more you can hold yourself in that present moment, the more junk will naturally come up. Why? Because being in that state holds you in a very specific (very powerful) state of vibration. Much like shaking a dirty glass of water, anything counter to that vibration will float to the top. Of course, the important thing is just to keep letting go of everything that comes up. You feel bad? Great! Let it go. Nasty thoughts or memories? Wonderful! Let those go too. They’re only coming up because they’re not in accordance with the person you’re becoming, with that powerful “Now” vibration that you’re holding.

          It’s all good stuff.

          Plus, if you’re truly present? Well, it’s feels great. Best feeling in the world. So that’s a nice bonus too.

          Oh, & there’s nothing saying you can’t use both methods – making lists and being present. Every little bit helps. As Buddha said, “There are many fingers pointing at the moon, but only one moon.”

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