si dawson

experiments in self-improvement
June 24, 2011

Map’n’Tap, Version 2

I originally wrote about the Map N Tap a loooong time ago.

The basic gist goes like this: Most issues (particularly core or long-held beliefs) are like little spiderwebs. There are lots of things tied in around them – both positive & negative (ie, both attachments and aversions).

So, to clear out anything significant:

  1. Get yourself in a chilled space
  2. Focus on the issue
  3. Do a mindmap of everything that pops into mind around it (negative and positive), no matter how trivial
  4. Tap it out (bitch!) starting from the outside and working your way in

Earlier this week, I discovered a neat way to amp that up, and really clear things out, super powerfully. Huge thanks to Leslie for this one.

In short, watch the vid (fullscreen is best), tap along, but focus on your mindmap.

The great thing is, the words David is saying are all aimed at letting stuff go, so even though you may be focussing your attention on something that’s been difficult to shift in the past, he (more or less) programs your brain to just chuck it out. Because your conscious attention is on your issue, his verbal instructions side step your resistance. It’s sneaky but awesome.

He also focuses pretty heavily on sending positive energy to you (the viewer) as you’re watching. Whether you believe that or not really doesn’t matter. What he’s doing works.

Interestingly, the exercise also becomes something of an EFT/Releasing hybrid. You’re tapping, but really, you’re just letting go of it all.

Perhaps as a result, I’ve found myself shifting stuff super fast with this.

Simple stick with each item on your map, continue tapping along until it feels clear and you’re not bothered by it any more (you feel hootless!). Then move to the next item, working your way from the outside in.

Once you’ve watched the whole video once, you can prolly skip forward to 03:55, that’s where the tapping really starts. Thus, from there to the end of the tapping is only about 8 minutes. So yes, you can do two sessions in quarter of an hour. Amazing. I’ve managed to clear full page mindmaps, with more than 40 items on them, down the point where none of it bothers me any more in one single viewing/tapping session.

Also interestingly, while I’ve been tapping for, wow, maybe 5 years now (and anywhere from 5-50 things a day, pretty much every day), it’s pretty rare that I have strong physical reactions any more. Except when I’ve been using this approach. Doing this, pretty much every time I end up over-heating like crazy, in tears, snotty-nosed and/or burping loudly (yes, delightful I know). These are all signs that it’s going super deep & really ripping stuff (lovingly!) out.

Over the last few days I’ve managed to clear out a ton of super deep programs (negative beliefs). Fear of failure, fear of success, a ton of stuff about women (amazed I’ve ever had a date, with all that junk floating around in my noodle), being not good enough, not worthy, a ton of stuff around money, you name it.

I feel different. I’m thinking differently. The world feels different than it did even a few days ago. The efficacy of this technique is simply mindblowing, in terms of bang-per-minute spent.

If you have a particularly chunky map, or something that feels like there’s a lot to it, it’s a good idea to give it another bash the next day. Create a brand new map and then tap on that. You’ll be amazed how different successive maps become, as you wade down through the layers, clearing out the accumulated detritus of life. I did three maps on women (ie, intimate relationships) three days running, and there was basically zero overlap between any of them. Amazing!

How To

Here’s an example (one I did). You can see that really, you’re just brain dumping, in a semi-structured way. Just scribble (or draw) stuff down in any manner that feels useful to you. There’s no right or wrong approach.

click for an easier to read (ie, large) version

The primary advantage, I think, of writing it all down is that it frees up space in your brain to focus on the one specific tiny subsection you’re working on, at any one time. Of course, this is something that the Getting Things Done crowd have known forever. Empty brain = easier to be mindful & focused.

Some suggestions to get started (if they resonate with you):

  • I must suffer
  • Life is hard
  • I don’t deserve to be happy
  • Women (or Men, if you’re female)
  • Your partner (if you have one)
  • Family
  • Parents
  • Making money
  • Having money

Just take it from there. Don’t be afraid to do them on seemingly trivial issues too. I’ve found & removed some super deep, super hardcore life stuff when the map itself started with an utter triviality. Everything is connected, you’ll be amazed what pops up.

 

Extra For Experts
Since everything comes back to either wanting (ie, lacking) Control, Safety or Approval, try writing a note next to each item on your map (I just jot down -C, -A or -S), then, rather than focusing so much on the specific issue, focus on letting go of wanting/lacking Control, Safety or Approval about that issue. Things don’t have to be only one of course, they can be any combination or all three.Once you’ve cleared the A/C/S, then tap/release on the issue itself (usually by then this will have already gone).

Doing this is more intense, and slightly more work while you get used to it, but really does seem to clear deeper, and faster. An additional benefit is that it more thoroughly clears you out in general, since letting go of a little wanting control in one area lets go of it from everywhere in your life, and so on.

Once you’ve worked all the way in to the centre on any specific branch of the map, then quickly scan back out to the edge again. This’ll pick up anything that may not have cleared completely.

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    9 comments
    June 20, 2011

    Simpler EFT

    I’ve been using EFT daily for a long time. The commonest confusion I’ve heard in that time is “What do I say?”

    Generally speaking, what you say is more or less irrelevant. It serves primarily to keep you focused on the situation or issue you’re tapping out.

    Understandably then, I was pretty excited to discover the other day a neat side step around the whole damn pickle.

    I have @InspiringAlways to thank for this. She pointed me to Robert Smith’s EFT videos on youtube, and since I was having a “Let’s not code today” day, I gave a bunch of them a watch.

    Here’s what he recommends:

    1. Tap the karate chop point (side of hand) while describing the issue (just say a short descriptive phrase three times).
    2. Then tap on each point (5-10 times) and say “Let it go.”

    That’s it.

    And by “short descriptive phrase”, the easiest way to think of one is this: Imagine what you’re tapping on is a movie. What’s the title of that movie? Right, that is your phrase.

    Interestingly, this is a sort-of intersection between releasing and tapping. Releasing, in essence, is about welcoming up all feelings & letting them go. In other words, say “yes” to them, instead of (our more usual, avoidant, escapist) “no.”

    Whatever. It works, really well.

    I have found if I write the short phrase down in front of me I can keep my eyes on that, which helps keep my brain from dancing off elsewhere (down monkey, sit down!).

    Also useful is to vary the phrase a little, depending on how you feel, and what feels best at the time:

    • Letting it go
    • I choose to let it go
    • It’s safe to let it go
    • I choose to let it go completely
    • Letting it all go

    [edit: update a month later. These are SUPER powerful]

    • I love you (or this)
    • I choose to love you (this, it, etc)

    (you get the idea. Just remember, you’re the boss. Reassert that and (lovingly) allow this stuff to get the hell out)

    This, combined with mind-mapping has enabled me to have quite possibly the most productive healing weekend of my life. I feel like I’m floating on a sea of endless, effortless love. I don’t know how long it’ll last (maybe 5 mins, maybe till tomorrow, maybe forever? It doesn’t matter), but while it’s here, I’m loving it (and everything else that pops in my my mind).

     

    Extra for experts

    A good way to ensure you’ve cleared things completely is to first of all measure (0-10) how much emotional resonance there is with the issue (“How much does it hurt?”). Then tap, then measure again. Rinse, wash, repeat until you’re at zero. It’s also good to take a few deep breaths and let it all out afterwards.

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      10 comments
      June 16, 2011

      This Is The Fun Bit!

      Positive reframing is an interesting thing.

      In case you haven’t heard of reframing (or can’t be bothered reading the wiki page), I’ll quickly explain it.

      Reframing is the act of taking something shitty, and spinning it to emphasise the (to you) positive aspects.

      Here’s a classic example:

      Why yes, I have seen someone wearing this. Oh boy.

      So really, it’s just choosing to look at things from a better angle.

      Here’s another great example:

      saying "Oh captain my captain" is optional

      Often something as simple as standing on your desks can be enough to shift your entire viewpoint.

      So, other than the myriad of cheap laughs, why bother reframing?

      Because oftentimes dissolving a problem, or seeing your way past a situation can be as simple as changing how you look at it.

      Audiences know what they expect and that is all they are prepared to believe in.

      Unsurprisingly, it’s like Shakespeare said “There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so“ (Hamlet to Rosencrantz, how awesome is that?).

      In other words, no situation makes things as difficult for us as how we think about that situation.

      So, to reframing.

      Until now, I’ve never really been convinced about reframing. What am I going to do? Just say something differently (lie to myself?) & hope it sticks?

      Yeah, that never gelled.

      Until I stumbled across this particular phrase:

      “This is the fun bit”

      I’ve got some pretty hairy stuff going down in my life right now (long, boring story – but also why I haven’t posted much). And yep, it’s been crazy stressful at times. A lot of uncertainty, a lot of confusion, a lot of what-the-eff?!?!

      And yet every time I say that phrase to myself, everything instantly shifts.

      “This is the fun bit”

      • Things stop being crazy and out of control; they start being crazy and fun (like being attacked by 4 ukes at once in Aikido).

      “This is the fun bit”

      • Things stop being scary; they start being exhilarating (like a rollercoaster).

      “This is the fun bit”

      • Things stop being unpredictable; they start being thrilling (like an exciting movie).

      “This is the fun bit”

      • I stop freezing up because things are overwhelming; I start rolling with it all instead (like flowing effortlessly through a bustling crowd)

      .. and as an added bonus, I’ve found that quite as a side effect, I instinctively & effortlessly dump a huge amount of negative energy around whatever-it-was that was bothering me in the first place.

      It’s the single most powerful thing I’ve found to say to myself in times of strife & difficulty.. and so, I pass it to you.

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        May 12, 2011

        Dealing With Overwhelm

        Overwhelm is a huge part of life. It happens to the best of us. Eventually there’s a point where we just can’t keep up. As life gets ever busier & more distracting, the likelihood of it happening continues to climb. Obviously it’s also a huge contributor to stress (and all the nastiness that entails).

        So, what to do about it?

        Remember that saying “Trust in God, but paddle your own canoe” or my personal favourite “Trust in Allah, but tie up your camels”?

        TIEING UP YOUR CAMELS

        I noticed when I was much younger I would get stressed (feel overwhelmed) any time I had too much in my head.

        Sitting down & writing out every thought that was buzzing around would help enormously. It would also show me that 90% of them were variants on the same issue (eg “Where am I going to find money to eat?”)

        Getting things out of your head & into some kind of system – whether that’s an app, a piece of paper or a personal assistant – is the core of the Getting Things Done approach. There’s a reason GTD is so popular. It works.

        There’s been a million books & blogs written about it, so I don’t need to go into more detail here. The key aspect is this: Get every thought that’s burbling inside OUT of you.

        Us humans really aren’t very good at holding too many thoughts in our heads at one time (the apocryphal number is 7 +/- 2). Thus, getting them out helps enormously. Then, any time a thought recurs, you can immediately dismiss it with “Yep, it’s on the list.”

        Clear head = no overwhelm = no stress.

        Once you have your list(s), group, sort & order them in whatever ways feels best for you, then take action. For me, “things to do today” and “some time”, then ordering by “most important” with a smattering of “quick, easy” in there so I can get my coding momentum up seems to work best.

        The TRUSTING ALLAH part

        Ok, it’s not a perfect analogy, but hey, roll with me here. Also, if you do have a camel, please let me know, I’d love a ride – crazy awesome!

        Aside from getting everything out of my head, hands down the single best thing I’ve found is to use EFT (& ooh, I refound the video I had up there. You should check it out, it’s really quite snazzy).

        You don’t even have to say anything while you tap. Usually, after I’ve done a single round (tapped from my head down to under my arms) I’ve already calmed down enormously. Two or three rounds – just while my thoughts are burbling around will clear a ton of energy off, and get me back into a super calm space.

        Once you’ve calmed down a bit, feel free to rant (out loud is best, but not critical) to your heart’s content. It really doesn’t matter what you say. Just yabber about all the junk that’s been flying around in your head. Tapping your meridian points will help take the energetic sting out of it super quickly.

        In fact, I’m just amazed I haven’t mentioned this earlier. I’ve used this on myself, and watched friends use it, literally hundreds of times over the last few years – always to great success.

        There’s no need for overwhelm to take over your life, your day, or even more than 5 or 10 minutes. Dump it and get the hell back into awesome-space.

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          May 7, 2011

          How To Stop Being A Victim And Regain Your Power

          Being a victim means feeling that something or  someone outside ourselves controls some part of our lives. Put simply, we lose connection with the fact that we create every single aspect of our existence. Often it may be difficult at the time to see how or why, but we do.

          Of course, this can be a very hard concept to accept as truth. However, in order to get out of being a victim, it’s helpful to just go with this for the moment.

          (Yes, this is a very confrontational post. Bear with me.)

          Basically, every step we can take towards having complete power over our lives is one step away from being a victim (where we have none).

          Regarding any specific situation, it’s critical to remember:

          1. It’s already happened. We can’t change the past. So, the best thing we can do is accept what’s happened, and let it go. Ie, get peaceful about it.
          2. For better or worse, the myriad of tiny decisions you made up until that point is why you were there. ie, you put yourself there. Often it’s impossible to see the exact chain of cause-and-effect, but you created that situation, if nothing else then just by being present (athough there’s always a lot more going on than just that).
          3. Accepting the past does not mean choosing to create the same situation in the future

          Remember, this isn’t about blaming yourself, this is about accepting the past & letting it go. It’s also about realising the true power we have. Once we accept the past, we can move on and make better decisions in the future. Have better beliefs and self-image. Create a better existence.

          How to drop victimhood

          Think about something terrible that’s happened to you. Just start with whatever pops in your head.

          Then say (as always, preferably out loud if possible):

          • (describe the situation)
          • I created this (or to save time, just “I created [describe situation]”)
          • I accept it.
          • I accept myself.
          • I love you Si (or your name, if you’re not called Si).

          As you’re doing this, you may feel a lot of energy come up. It’s very likely that part of you will be screaming as loudly as it possibly can “NO NO NO, I DID NOT, I WILL NOT. I DON‘T.” This is completely normal — and in fact, why we’re doing this — to bring all that resistance to the surface & let it out, harmlessly and safely.

          You may feel tension or clutching in your body, shortness of breath, etc. Just let it all go. Relax that part of your body and let all the energy out. Keep cycling through the above four statements until you feel completely at peace about the issue.

          Some tips:

          • If it’s hard to say “I accept it” (which, oh boy, is understandable), try “I choose to accept it.” Again, this reasserts your power.
          • If it feels like there’s still some ickiness around the subject, try amping the statements up:
            • I accept all of this
            • I accept every part of this
            • I accept myself completely
            • I love you anyway

          (you get the idea)

          Basically, just say these variations & let go (ie, accept) everything that comes up, until you feel super calm. Estimated time per subject? Oh, typically less than 20 seconds.

          What do I feel a victim about?

          Where to start? Here are some suggestions:

          • Any feelings of inadequacy towards your parents
          • Any situations where you felt “not good enough”
          • Any situations where you compared unfavourably to friends
          • Any strongly negative judgements (eg, feeling like a loser, a failure, etc — any of those deep dark criticisms)
          • Big life mistakes (particularly those around relationships, or money)
          • Traumatic events where you felt you had no power or control
          • Anything you want to change about your life

          Basically, any memory you have that you hate the hell out of; makes you feel crappy every time you think of it; you wish were different. Just go with whatever pops in your head, your intuition will guide you.

          It’s ok to address multiple aspects of a given relationship separately. Some people have very major (read: traumatic) roles in our lives, often spanning decades.

          Why bother?

          The whole intent here is to simply accept the past for what it is — done & dusted. The peace this brings is incredibly freeing. It also has the benefit of stopping you continuing to create these things in your life.

          Why? Well have you ever noticed how we tend to cycle — have the same crappy things happen to us, until we finally learn our lesson? Yes, well this is one powerful way of breaking those cycles. Think about it, when you learn a lesson, you relax & accept it, right? So think of this as a shortcut. This is how you unwind karma and free yourself from those patterns.

          When you’re truly peaceful about something that’s happened, you’re also truly free — you can choose to create it again, or create something completely new. You don’t have emotional detritus pulling at you. You regain your true power. You stop feeling like a victim.

          The other thing to realise is — even though we may not be consciously aware of it, our subconscious is constantly churning over all this noise. The amount of peace we bring ourselves by pulling all this junk to the surface, accepting it & finally letting it go… well, you’ll just have to try it for yourself. Words really cannot do this justice.

          Finally, with big issues it’s often helpful (and easier) to take smaller steps. Acceptance is one such super useful step towards fully loving every aspect of your life.

           

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