si dawson

As a general rule, we are our own worst enemy.

It’s pretty easy to hear how negative and critical our inner voice is.

What’s more interesting but unfortunately a lot more powerful is what we don’t hear. What we can’t easily hear.

Our subconscious self criticism.

That’s the stuff that rules our lives, drawing harsh boundaries around our self-defined, self-allowed quality of life.

Even (after meditation, healing, extensive personal growth etc) when our inner voice is quietened, our subconscious thoughts can continue to hammer away at us.

What to do, what to do.

*heavy sigh*

Yeah. I’ve spent forever pondering this question.

Obviously, healing every significant life event helps. Although boy, that can take YEARS. Ha ha, trust me. *facepalm*

Healing any repetitive thought patterns definitely helps.

Here’s another way though, that might just be a little faster.

Self criticism is merely a lack of forgiveness. Self criticism is self accusation.

The trick to forgiving yourself is to truly love yourself (even if only about that specific issue). Once that love is complete, forgiveness is a natural by product. Once you’ve truly forgiven, the self criticism goes with it.

After all, what is forgiveness but choosing to let go of the anger and pain we’re still carrying?

You can’t hold self anger, shame or recrimination at the same time as being loving. They MUST leave to create space for the love.

Saying something like “I love myself” isn’t powerful enough though. It doesn’t deeply connect. It’s too easy for our mind to side-step, tricksy little bugger that it is.

However, once you accept that you are not your mind, body or emotions, it becomes easier.

What are you, really? What is this “me”?

Well, a multi-dimensional higher being. A soul. Part of the universe. I Am. Whatever.

It really doesn’t matter what terminology you use, or what you feel comfortable with. Just know that you’re something “other”, and something much greater than any of the individual parts we typically thing of as “I”.

So what’s the most powerful way I’ve found to self-love? (ha ha, your filthy mind)

Step into that “other”, and address yourself in the third person.

In other words, rather than, “I love myself”, say “I love you, Si”.. uhh, with your own name, obviously.

When doing this, it may feel rather like expressing compassion to an upset child. Which, perhaps unsurprisingly, is pretty close to what you’re actually doing.

It’s easy to put your awareness into this higher part of yourself. Just move your attention slightly out, above and behind your head.

Why here? Well, it’s said that this is the location of the soul. That sounds a little hocus pocus for my liking, but it does feel like the right place to focus, for me.

You may find a better location for yourself to put your attention, of course. Play around with it. Find what works for you.

All you want is to feel like it’s The Big You, loving little old physical you that stumbles around this planet every day.

ANYWAY.

Once your attention is there, then simply say:

“I love you Si, even if…” (or “…even though…”)

and let your silly old brain fill in the gaps.

Just let your mind wander over all the shitty things in your life. Things you want to change. Things you hate about yourself or your current existence.

Pretty soon a massive laundry list will come rushing forth. All those inner complaints will pour to the surface.

Here’s the other part of what you’re going to do though.

When you say any of these things, your body WILL react. You’ll feel tension, clutching, frustration or even intense energy collecting.

Then, as always, relax that part of your body. Let the energy go. Let the tension go.

Guess what? That’s you healing it.

Yeah, it really is this simple. No, it doesn’t need to be any more complicated.

[A slight caveat being – if you want to tap at the same time, particularly the sore points (near the collarbone), that’s always helpful. It helps “tune you in” to the problem.]

I know we love to exercise our brains and make things way more complex than they need to be – but remember, that’s a choice. In this situation, if we decide that healing can be simple, it will be.

Why? Because…

YOU’RE THE BOSS.

Wash, rinse, repeat until you feel super calm and yes, genuinely loving about whatever’s come up.

It may sound ridiculous, but all the power here is in your intent.

Even if you don’t FEEL loving when you start, by saying it, it WILL become true. You know, that whole “fake it till you make it” schtick.

If you’re feeling particularly crappy, you might have to fake it a lot, but be persistent. It’s worth it.

Once you start thinking about all the little things that still bug you, you’ll find yourself flying through a ton of stuff very quickly indeed.

Here are some starter subjects:

• Being ugly (or any part of our physical body that we disapprove of)
• Being less successful than we’d like
• Ongoing difficulties at home
• Romantic issues
• Perceived failures
• Ways we’ve let ourselves down

The sky’s the limit, really. God knows there’s an infinite number of ways we can beat ourselves up.

So, to sum up:

1. Move your awareness just above and outside yourself
2. Say “I love you <name>, even if…”
3. Let your brain fill in the rest
4. Let go of whatever comes up
5. Repeat until genuinely loving

Have a play, follow your intuition, and just remember to keep your focus just outside your body and on loving yourself, rather than getting sucked down into the specific issue.

This is a great little technique. It’s a super fast, super easy way to clear out a ton of junk that otherwise would go completely unnoticed – except for the continued negative effect that carrying this sort of crap around has on our lives.

This is a bit of an advanced technique, but I’ll share it anyway.

By advanced I mean – if you’re feeling in a hole or a bit crappy, it won’t work so well. You have to be in a pretty good state before you’ll be clear enough to really feel its effects.

However, if you’re feeling energetically high, that’s the perfect place from which to use this to reach down and clear out a bunch of garbage.

So here’s the technique.

First of all, focus on the issue – try to really connect with it, feel it, centre on it, SEE IT inside (even if you can’t necessarily describe what you’re seeing).

Then say:

1. I’m the boss
2. It’s a picture in my head
3. And I’m letting it go

And let the picture dissolve and disappear.

In order for this to make any sense at all, I’ll break it down into its component parts.

 

1. I’m The Boss

The thing with so much of this kind of work is this: Setting intent is what’s really shifting energy around – that’s where the real magic is (thanks Tatjna).

You ARE the boss of your space. If you say something, the energy in and around you MUST obey.

Of course, we don’t easily believe this and so unwittingly self-sabotage, but it’s still true.

The more we remind ourselves “I am the boss, I am the boss” – and particularly, prove it to ourselves, even in very minor ways – the more true it becomes.

When we say we’re the boss then feel things leave, or watch our lives improve even in very tiny ways, we start to believe it.

The more we believe it the more true it becomes. Self-fulfilling prophecy of the very best kind.

Really, all we’re doing here is reasserting our authority over ourselves.

Even if (particularly if) we don’t believe it when we start, saying this sets the tone for how strong we are about what follows.

 

2. It’s A Picture In My Head

As per my previous post, so much of the nonsense we experience on a daily basis is nothing more than a reflection of the pictures we carry around in our heads.

As we drop our limiting pictures, we improve our lives. As we replace them with empowering pictures, we improve our lives further.

Reminding ourselves that they’re just pictures strengthens our power over the issue.

If we PLAY the victim, we BECOME the victim.

Now I’m not saying that if someone is punching you in the face you should hum a little mantra and tell yourself it’s all a picture. I mean really, hello?

However, if we’re dealing with anything internal – any feeling, thought, belief, habit or pattern – then that’s a picture, or set of pictures.

Rather than feeling victimised or powerless, it encourages us to step into our place of power.

It also helps separate us out from the issue a little bit. If it’s a picture, it’s not us. It’s a different thing. Not even part of us, just something we’re experiencing or (more accurately) carrying around with us.

As soon as we realise that it’s not us, it makes it massively easier to put it down.

It’s as if we’ve spent our entire lives thinking that the massive suitcase we’ve been lugging around is actually part of our arm.

So, by the time you’ve said the first two phrases “I’m the boss, it’s a picture in my head” you’ve massively strengthened your resolve, while also separating yourself out from the issue – in both cases, making it easier for part three.

 

3. And I’m Letting It Go

As simple as that. You’ve set your intent. Strengthened your resolve. Outlined the relationship between yourself and the picture (hint: you’re the boss)

As you say this part, simply watch the picture dissolve. Imagine it drifting away, fading out, whatever feels most powerful and “right for you.”

Of course, what you’re really doing with this is releasing the image, and thus the issue.

 

Obviously, it can also be helpful to go through the phrases a couple of times. Never hurts to be thorough. As you connect more with your inherent power, you’ll start to feel things shift faster and faster.

As things shift faster, you’ll realise that just calmly and unequivocally setting your intent is what matters.

These days, just thinking “I’m the boss” puts me into a place of peace. Simply focusing on the issue and saying “I love you” (while watching it dissolve) will clear it. If I’m feeling particularly calm and centred, then simply focusing on it and saying “Yes” will clear it.

As you do it more, it gets exponentially easier.

The great thing about all this is, it’s a form of releasing that is super, super fast. So you can very quickly race through issues that otherwise you might spend forever chipping away at.

The initial caveat stands, however. If you’re feeling a bit messed up, stressed, or otherwise “not centred”, it’d be better to go with a more long winded technique.

If I’m super messed up, then I always go back to EFT. That clears enough junk out that then I can calm the hell down and use faster methods.

If you’re feeling great though, this is an utterly brilliant, super fast way to dump those pesky pictures, left right and centre.

Most of us carry around an internal framework describing our existence. This is our map, if you will, of the world.

How it works. How we should behave. What the rules are. What the consequences are if we break those rules. And so on.

The thing is, all these things are just programs running in our heads. They’re nothing more complex than pictures in our minds.

The person sitting next to you will have a whole different set of pictures in their head.

These pictures can be all sorts of things:

• People are fundamentally good
• People are fundamentally bad
• People are fundamentally in it for themselves
• If I’m late I should beat myself up
• If I don’t get what I want I should beat myself up
• If people don’t behave the way I believe they should, I will disapprove of them
• I deserve to be loved
• I don’t deserve love
• I won’t love someone unless they do what I want
• I am special
• Famous people are important
• Poor people are subhuman
• Ugly people are less worthy than beautiful people

… and so on.

You can see how many of these pictures directly contradict others. You can also see how we might pick these up – from what we’re told: by the media; our peers or elders; our families. From what we experience.

The crazy thing is – whether these programs help us or not, we’ll often fight to the death to prove that “we’re right.”

In fact, a lot of the time, we’d rather be right than happy.

Yes, I realise that’s a false dichotomy, but let me explain.

In instances where these internal beliefs and programs hurt our best interests (eg “I don’t deserve to be loved”) we will look around for evidence to support this belief (“look how that guy/girl left me”) – even though our life is worse off for having this belief.

What complicates matters further is that often these beliefs directly contradict what we know intellectually to be true.

If we’re focused in our brains, we may say “Well, that’s stupid, of COURSE I deserve to be loved.”

It won’t be until maybe we’re very tired, or run down, or drunk that the truth might finally slip out – that even though rationally we know it’s wrong, deep inside we don’t honestly believe we deserve love.

This kind of thing happens all day every day.

Of course, not only do we look for evidence to support our deep beliefs (using that wonderful pattern matching device, our brain), we also start to create these beliefs in our lives – a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you believe guys always stare at your breasts, you can be damn sure you’re never going to miss a single guy checking you out – more data that proves you’re right.

If we believe, say, that women are argumentative, won’t we be expecting an argument every time we talk to someone female? And won’t this, in turn, make us more argumentative, thus creating this as truth?

A simplistic but not wholly inaccurate way of describing this would be to see our mind as a movie projector – and these pictures in our minds are projected out into the world around us.

Thus, crappy pictures = crappy life. Great pictures = great life.

As is so often the case, this is easier said than done. For a start, we’re not talking “positive self talk” – because the vast majority of these pictures happen below our level of consciousness. Most of the time we’re not even aware of what’s cycling through our heads.

 

How do we find these pictures?

 

1. Sudden mood changes are a good give away.

If we notice our mood change suddenly (usually for the worse), that’s a pretty strong sign we have some kind of program running.

Here are some typical programs, to give you an idea:

• If I’m late, I should beat myself up
• If I don’t get what I want, I should beat myself up
• If someone doesn’t behave the way I think they should, I will disapprove of them
• If I don’t get done what I think I should, I’ll beat myself up
• I should be sad if people disagree with or don’t like me

Note: beating yourself up, or disapproving of yourself – it’s all the same thing.

If you find yourself casually justifying things that actually don’t help us at all, that’s a good sign you have these mental movies running.

 

2. Over-reaction to events in our lives or the people around us is another clue.

This kind of thing exposes pictures like these:

• People must show me respect
• I want people to love me
• People should do what I say
• Everybody wants something from me
• People only want me for me [whatever]
• Being polite is super important

If any of these pictures are pushed against by life, it’ll upset us.

If we believe in politeness and someone is rude to us, it may feel like our world is ending. In a way it is – life is contradicting our deep beliefs about how the universe operates.

 

3. Avoidance and escapism (aka procrastination) are also useful.

These are good hints to the following sorts of pictures:

• Life is hard
• Success is only possible through hard work
• I won’t be paid well unless I do something incredible
• Unless it’s perfect, it ain’t worth a damn
• Money is hard to come by
• Anything worth doing (or this task I’m working on) is going to be difficult

 

Detect a theme though? They’re all just rules. Rules we live by.

All these rules are just pictures in our head.

They’re ways that we define our reality, and thus create it.

We can think of a thousand reasons why any of these rules are “reasonable”, “understandable”, “sensible” or “obvious” while the person next to us has a similar number of justifications for the exact opposite rule.

In short? It’s all bullshit.

A wise man once said “every thought is a limitation” – and while I’m not yet at the point where I can see that clearly, I’m starting to see he may have a strong point.

Seeing these self-chosen rules, beliefs and pictures is the first step.

Dumping them all is the second. I’ll get to that in my next post.

(spoiler: EFT or releasing are super helpful, particularly if the pictures feel a bit “sticky”, but I’ve also discovered a faster way)

The final, obvious step is to replace them with loving, supportive pictures. That’s the easy (and fun!) bit.